lovely | thirteen reasons why

(7) libby's tape

So I had the best summer of my life!

I didn't leave town, but Millicent sure did. She flew home to London to spend time with her aging mother before she kicked the bucket. Would feel sad for the grandmother I never knew but I decided a long time ago that any part of this side of my family were automatically a blight on my life. By the process of everyone else being so.

Of course I spent a large chunk of the summer with Tyler. We were together, in love, and had taken every step and went all the way. You know how people say once that drain is unplugged it never stops moving? Well, they might have a point because once we started fucking we hardly ever slowed down. I would've never categorized myself as a sex addict until my awkwardly cute boyfriend came along.

I think awkward would be an outdated statement at this point. He was getting a lot more comfortable and confident around people despite not having me as a shield with the public. Just the knowledge of having me by his side made Tyler feel powerful.

Beyond sex, he encouraged me to join a summer band camp for a few weeks so I could expose myself to other people who care about music, and I will never admit to him how much fun it was spending time with enlightened people. I did miss him though, but he said it was worth it to see how happy I was in the end.

We stayed in, went to Monet's, even caught a movie when I was in a strong enough state to face Hannah.

Despite me telling her we could talk after the night Tyler and I had sex for the first time and the day of my last recital, she didn't turn up to either. I didn't send a follow-up text. I already did all I could to convince her I was on her side. I didn't know if she hated me or thought I betrayed her, but we didn't talk for the rest of sophomore year or the summer.

I did miss her sometimes. Not having to carry her issues all the time, but when we would spend hours drinking in my house or sleeping over at hers and we'd talk about boys and stupid shit that doesn't matter. I understand she went through a lot last year, but I hoped it didn't impede the bright girl I remember.

There was also no Clay this summer. He was out of town visiting family. So when I wasn't with Tyler I was getting back into the habit of hanging with Bryce and Justin. Monty had cooled down significantly. He was still a dick but at least my friends weren't saying I was a slut anymore. The two of them actually apologized.

Tyler was confused why I chose to go back to them, but I tried to explain how long I've known these people and how much time I spend with them already due to our similarities in social hierarchy. And despite last year being full of new friends, it did feel isolating having the people in my club ignore me.

Something that shocked me was how much had changed. Scott Reed was spending a lot more time in the group, Alex despite not being on a sports team was in the inner circle, and Jessica was dating Justin. They called it a summer hookup but I could see feelings a mile away.

The friend group had changed since I was away, but it still had the main players, Bryce, Justin, Monty, and Zach all calling the shots. I thought things between Zach would be awkward as I had cut off our friendship, but he surprisingly never brought it up again. I was grateful for that.

So in summary, that was my summer. Perhaps I'll go a bit more in depth about it in the future. But right now, all that I could care about was the new school year breathing a second chance into me. Junior fucking year. I was about to be 17, one more year before I can legally tell my family to go fuck themselves forever.

Everyone was instructed to go to the beginning of the year assembly which also served as a chance to catch up with our grade. Clay looked exactly the same, a fact I made with a punch to the shoulder as he rolled his eyes like 'look who's talking.' I stay with the gang again and it honestly felt nice to start over with them. In the distance, I saw Tyler who risked a few looks in my direction. Lastly, I saw Hannah and she looked very different. She cut her hair and that snarky smile was replaced with a neutral look. I decided to investigate and excused myself from the group to sit next to her.