lovely | thirteen reasons why

(40) lingering cracks

College applications. One of the supposedly hardest things to do in life is use words to convince a bunch of board members to like someone and accept them into the community. It is also one of the most tertiary things on the mind of a student at Liberty High School as they navigate whatever the fuck is bothering them this week. As for Libby, she was getting sick of worrying about it. It wasn't like she was dead set on college. She just thinks it would be nice to attend an art school while she is forced to work for her father. Something to carry a career in music. Is that really so much to ask.

So she applied to Juilliard, and a few other schools in the New York area that would be a good fit. But the real trouble was this essay. She could breeze through her credits, honors, 4.0., cheer captain. Her resume was impressive. But what could she possibly tell them about a struggle in her life that was not inherently dark? Or something the public is allowed to know about? The tapes maybe? But she doesn't really wanna explain how she recovered from pointing a gun at her best friend's head. Probably won't make them like her.

In the end, she opted to talk about her experience growing up under a bridge for a small portion of her childhood and adapting to a new family. Still dark, but at least she was honest. It was hard to write that shit down, but once everything was spruced up she was glad it was over. Now all that's left is to survive this college tour. It shouldn't be too bad though, Matt runs the place so it won't be too awkward. And she can always just stick with Tyler.

She wondered if he wanted to go to college in California. If she had ruined so much and changed his plans without warning. The last thing she wanted was for him to feel forced into following her around. If he wanted to stay here then they could survive long distance for five years. Surely.

But little did Libby know that college was the last thing on Tyler's mind as he stared at the ceiling on his bed. He couldn't sleep as he occasionally watched his Libby's face as she snorted softly from next to him. She was so beautiful, he always thought that, but he'd be lying if he said that was the only thought running through his mind in that moment. He'd be lying if he said he wasn't imagining her face on his body, her lips around his-

He needed to calm down.

Ever since he jerked off the other night, his hormones were out of control. It's like he spent the last year trying to turn his body back on and now all those commands were coming at once. Which is a wordy way to say he was horny. Very horny. And every second of staring at Libby sleep was only making that feeling worse. This has never been a problem before.

He flinched back when she opened her eyes. "Can't sleep?"

He nodded. "Y-yeah." He used the covers to hide below the waist. "What made you wake up?"

"Thinking." She mumbled, playing with his hair. She missed doing this so much.

"What about?" He asked nervously.

Libby looked him directly in the eye. "What did the cops say to you? When you were called in?" He opened his mouth to deny, but she was quicker. "Don't feed me bullshit about nothing going on. I know you and I know that you would be freaking out right now unless they told you something concrete about the guns. Why can't you tell me?"

Tyler gulped. "I want to tell you. They told me not to."

She shook her head. "Baby, what have you gotten yourself into?"

He swallowed hard. He needed to tell her. He couldn't keep anything from her. Ever. "They-they want me to report on gun purchases to underage kids or any selling of them illegally. They want me to go undercover and act as their informant."

This floored her. "You're still a minor. They can't ask you to be a fucking narc. They know how dangerous it is!"

He tried to calm her down. "It was either this or admit I almost killed everyone with those guns. They are willing to drop it entirely if I do this. After everything you all risked for me, this is nothing."