lovely | thirteen reasons why

(14) march

I couldn't believe it. I fought for so long so that things could stay the same, but another two years pass and now I had to change things yet again.

Why? Because I was leaving elementary school to join middle school. I was older now, almost twelve in fact. My voice was getting deep and my chest was getting bigger. Which I didn't like cause boys wouldn't stop staring at it. Now I had to wear underwear on my chest. Training bras Laine called them. A prison was a better word.

Another change I decided I didn't like was the hair. Oh, the hair! It was everywhere. All over my body, so now I had another job I had to do while I showered. At least they were easier than baths. But I noticed that the amount of hair I could produce was larger than most. Matt did research and said that could be my Asian roots playing tricks on me. And of course the hair was pure black so it couldn't even be hidden away.

But the worst change of all had to go to the bleeding and cramps. That one I had been expecting for a year prior. The school had sent all the girls from our school into a small room where we watched a video which explained to us what a period was. I hated it. It was uncomfortable and gross and it scared me. I was grateful I at least knew what was happening so I didn't freak out that much when it happened. I did end up having to call Laine because all Millicent had in the house were tampons. They prepared me for the bleeding, but what they never specified was how much it hurt. I felt like I was constantly getting punched in the stomach.

I've been warned about how brutal middle school was gonna be. From the way it was described, it sounded incredibly familiar to my experience in private school. It made my skin crawl just thinking back to those days. Worse is that I learned Skye and Tony were going to a different school because Clay and I tested into something called an honors program. Clay said that was short for saying we were honors students. We were the gifted students because of our book skills. I didn't understand what I did to place into it. I mean, Clay was the nerd but I didn't try as hard as he did for school. So why was I going with him.

At least it wasn't entirely gonna be made up of brainiacs. Our program was blended with a different public school. I didn't understand why Skye and Tony couldn't go to that school then, but apparently the place they're going is much closer to home. So there would be public school kids around, just not in our classes.

I had collected all the books I needed in my new backpack, wearing a nice black dress over a simple t-shirt. I felt good as I walked over to the bus station. Clay was already waiting with Matt as he smiled and waved at me.

I was disappointed to find Clay and I were not in the same classes, but we weren't in elementary school either. I just decided to wait until lunch to see him. The class itself was boring. The teacher just talked about his experience in Vietnam for the entire hour and a half instead of teaching the class. No one complained. I decided to start doodling a bit to pass the time. English was much more advanced curriculum wise. We were given the books over the summer so everything was bookmarked and noted in my paperback. Lastly, science has quickly become my favorite class. We got to stand in a real lab and go over safety procedures for a year of experiments. So maybe honors classes weren't so bad after all.

When lunch finally came, I kept my eye out for Clay, but when I found him he was already in deep conversation with a curly blonde girl. They must be in the same classes cause they look like they'd already hit it off.

I rerouted my steps and found an empty table to eat. I was thinking about any of the members of my class that could be a potential friend. A girl named Courtney looked cool, but she didn't seem very talkative. There was a boy named Marcus who sat next to me, but he was also too focused on studying to talk either. It seemed these whizz kids were just straight up boring.