lovely | thirteen reasons why

(29) summer nights

Justin was tired, absolutely exhausted as he worked through the motions of summer school. Being back at Liberty was not the relaxing break he wanted, but his previous plans were either sleeping under a bridge or with a knife under his pillow in case Seth decided to pay him a visit.

Never in his wildest dreams did he expect to have his own room which he shares with a brother he loves so dearly and would die to protect, and parents who will do anything for him. He really wished Justin Jensen didn't sound fucking stupid because he would change it in a heartbeat.

He tried to think of his mom. He did love her. How could he not? She's his mom. But when he thinks about if he'd ever go back to her, trade this life he has now and be safe doing it he still wouldn't. She was careless, irresponsible, and ignorant to the monsters she let around her baby when he was too young to defend himself. In contrast, Laine is so attentive and loving. She makes sure he's safe not only when he was in jail but even after she dotes on him as much as she does Clay. She treats him like a genuine son. And because of that he already loved her. With Matt it was different. He never knew his father and all of his mom's boyfriends never put in any effort to show him what it was like to have a father. But now he has a pretty good idea. He's too old for most of the fun times to feel good, but he does know that he has someone in his corner to back him no matter what. The most important part about being a dad.

So the Jensen's were a godsend to him. A miracle he didn't deserve. Because he was lying to all of them and he hated himself for it. Because he relapsed, and he was still using even after everything Clay did to help him off the streets. After everything Clay did to save his life. He couldn't quit for his brother, nor the parents who would do anything for him. It made him feel like a failure, but as Libby told him, addiction's a bitch.

But none of those problems, none of those secrets, none of those blissful gifts of life could ever come close to the love of his life. Jessica Davis. His angel. The woman he fucked everything up with because he was a stupid kid who didn't realize how much he would come to need her. Adore her. Worship her. He ruined her life. Broke her forever. But for some unknown reason she still loved him. And according to her own words she hates that she does. It's why no one knows about them. Not even Clay. The only reason Libby would have an idea is because she saw them shortly after saving her doomed love.

But yes, him and Jess have been hooking up since she broke up with Alex. A fact that brings a nasty feeling of glee to his chest. Even if nobody knew about them right now, at least he knew she wasn't fucking anyone but him. Just as he would never fuck anyone but her.

So there was not much room in his life for complications. For more work. But being someone who would do anything for his love, his brother, his best friend, he decided he didn't have enough going on in his life and chose to dedicate a large chunk of his week to babysitting someone the same age as him. Tyler Down. Someone he couldn't have given less of a shit about. Someone he threatened once upon a time. When he was in a dark place and almost lost Libby as a result. He wasn't making that mistake again. He was going to protect this kid like his life depended on it. Luckily he wasn't as much of a handful as he previously thought. Which helped a lot.

The real problem Justin had was with the other members of their team backing out or shirking responsibilities onto the rest of them to pick up the slack. Or worse, was who Justin saw interrogating Tyler as he got out of class. He was supposed to be waiting alone for him to take him out. But it seemed someone found his presence very interesting. He rolled his eyes at Zach's behavior as he caught the last of his words. Informing him that Bryce knows and it was only a matter of time before everyone knew and his life would be ruined. But the worst part was the end.

"That way you can stop fucking up everyone else's lives with your existence. Especially your poor girlfriend. Her nickname for you has never felt more accurate. Her baby. That she has to take care of at the cost of her own freedom and happiness. You should have gone to prison, at least then you'd be out of her life for good."