lovely | thirteen reasons why

(34) one step forward, two steps back

Libby and Tyler didn't get any sleep last night. Shocker for Libby. But the awkward part was how little they spoke to each other as it was happening. Both of them had multiple thoughts running through their heads, and neither were ready to share those thoughts. Instead Libby walked her baby back to her car, he anonymously dialed the cops, and she sped off back to his house where they proceeded to sit on the bed and stare at the ceiling for hours. This was real. Bryce Walker was dead. His body was covered in blood and a distorted color as he floated aimlessly in the river. Libby would never claim to be an expert in crime, but she knew there was no way it could've been an accident. Nor did Bryce kill himself, not in his nature. He had to have been murdered. How long was he like that?

All Libby could think about was her childhood. When she closed her eyes she saw a younger Bryce trading candy in the cafeteria, getting snacks and pool parties in exchange for doing his homework. Her, him, and Justin screaming as they ran down the hill Bryce lived on. She hadn't thought of these memories in a while.

She recalled when she first listened to his tapes, that was the first time these memories came into her mind after so many years. Because as soon as she heard them she knew she had to be done with him. And she was. She did the right thing. She cut Bryce out of her life no questions asked. Zach and Justin gave her a lot of shit for being able to write off so many years of friendship like it was nothing. As if by doing so she was making them look weak. She didn't want them to know how hard it was. The action of cutting him out wasn't the hard part for her, it was having to remember a version of Bryce she loved so dearly. Because in that moment that Bryce was dead to her. He was gone, murdered by this new Bryce. The one who possibly was always there and she was too blind to see it.

She remembers how much of a doormat she truly was back then. Everyone said she didn't take shit and didn't care what other people thought, but when it came to her friends. Hell, even people she didn't like even remotely but were in the group, she had a need to keep her mouth shut and accept the behavior out of fear of losing the only friends she had. Except Clay of course.

Libby had done the hard part already, she mourned the Bryce she loved a while ago. But for some reason she was having a hard time processing that he was gone now. She was never going to see him again. She wanted that. But him actually disappearing and then turning up dead has thrown her completely. He wasn't supposed to die. Not this young. He was supposed to spend the rest of his life living with his mistakes. Realizing the monster he became. Be a cautionary tale for the monsters at Liberty he created like Montgomery. Instead he was possibly murdered by another person and his body dumped in the harbor. It was hard to explain. Not pain. Not sadness. Not mourning. She just felt.........empty.

Tyler was feeling something entirely different. He didn't have the past with Bryce that Libby did. His experience with Bryce instead has been nothing but torment until recently. Bryce was the king and as such of course he gave him shit. Nothing to the extent of Monty even before that. Bryce never shoved him into lockers or threw him around like a rag doll. But he was always there for the teasing, the hazing, the demeaning. And his minions responded to it. They followed his every word and their boss decided this loser was an easy target and so he spent both middle and high school at the mercy of their friend group. So many years to spend making someone's life a living hell. He didn't understand it, but their charade didn't last forever.

He remembered when he first listened to the tapes. All the jocks and cheerleaders who were on there for torturing Hannah. If there was one person who got it worse from them than him it was her. And Bryce being a rapist was horrifying but not shocking. Those people feel like they can take whatever they want. It wasn't surprising they would leap to that. Also Bryce almost assaulted his girlfriend a couple months before so another reason not to be shocked.