(ENG) BTS-Short Stories

3 - Ego

Resolutely, I danced away - a hip-hop/pop mix of different moves. The audience's cheers gave me the confidence I needed to not be intimidated by the cheers of J-Hope's fan base. At my back, I also felt my team cheering me on, giving additional encouragement to other people at my back. Behind the guy named J-Hope, I saw the other Asian guys whose facial expressions rested on me, spellbound and appreciative. Ha! A certain satisfaction spread through my body as I thought for a moment I saw uncertainty flit across J-Hope's face. That's right J-Hope, watch me! In a fluid motion in his direction, I stopped - the call for him to show what he was made of.

He remained still at first, taking one deep breath and taking his time. Then suddenly he opened his eyes, his body started moving in breathtaking movements to the beat of the music, and all I could think was "game over". He was dancing on a completely different level than I was. That had to be hip-hop/breakdance high level. With growing trepidation in the stomach area and increasingly glowing ears, I watched J-Hope dance me into the ground. It was indescribably fabulous the way he moved. The crowd went wild and it took all my willpower not to look around for help from my teammates. When the music ended, J-Hope's last pose was the mic drop - the crowd went wild.

Stunned, I stood there unable to do anything more than stare at J-Hope with a derailed expression. The roaring crowd became background noise to me, and I wondered what the heck had just happened as several people stepped onto the dance floor and shouted J-Hope's name. Then I realized that even my team members were among them. I watched as Ty and Yuna shook J-Hope's hand companionably. The feeling of betrayal and loneliness flooded through me, further inciting my wounded ego to rage. With my lips pressed together, I still stood frozen where I had stopped dancing. My teammates were smiling and J-Hope was smiling too - now it seemed warm and detached. I saw my group turn to me with excited faces - J-Hope's look also seemed curious.

I took a step back and felt defiant tears already gathering in my eyes. A worried expression spread across Yuna's face, while J-Hope ignorantly and cheerfully took a step in my direction and held out his hand in greeting. Before he reached me, I took another step back and that's when he stopped and began to study my features a little more closely. Quickly I turned away and rushed blindly to the edge of the area, leaving everyone behind me.

Disappointed, I hung in the seat of the bus that took me straight home. After I got off the dance floor, I hurried to the locker room where I grabbed my bag and made a run for it.

Again my cell phone rang and I rolled my eyes as I read Yuna's name for the tenth time. Again I pushed it away. Traitor! Tears of shame now rolled unchecked down my cheeks and I turned my face to the window to shield it from prying eyes. All I wanted to do was go home, go to bed, and die. What an embarrassment. I thought of the saying my father used to say: "Pride goes before a fall." How true those words were. I sank a little deeper into the seat. Soon the stop came where I had to get off. When the WhatsApp message tone sounded on my phone, I unlocked the screen and discovered a message from Ty outside the group chat.

T: Hi Kyla. Please don't feel bad. You did great up there today.

I snorted in disdain for a moment. Apparently not great enough...

T: Please tell me if you arrived safely where you went. Will only then be able to go to bed later reassured.

I sighed in surrender. Ty just couldn't be angry for long. Devoutly, I began typing a reply to him, telling him that I was on my way home, feeling sorry for myself that I hadn't won against that J-Hope.

T: He was actually going to compliment you on your dancing style, but then you ran off...well. We're still hanging out with him and his buddies. They're really nice. You're missing out. But I know you need your rest now. So, arrive well and see you in the days...because the YT-KEEZ are one round ahead!

After the last sentence, I was glad I hadn't stopped to read the message. In disbelief, I read the last sentence over and over again, almost missing my stop. Then as I walked from the stop to my apartment, my emotions were torn between joy at advancing to the next round and envy of J-Hope's dancing style. Once home, I mattly slammed the door behind me and took a hot shower in the bathroom, where I tried to wash my embarrassment of the evening off my body. Afterwards I fell into bed, but was still too upset to sleep. In the dark, I turned on the TV and then stared at it with a blank stare.

I had no idea how much time had passed, but at some point I suddenly heard a key click in the lock of the apartment door and someone enter the corridor. "Kyla?", I heard Yuna's voice in the hallway and not 5 seconds later she stuck her head in the bedroom door.

"I gave you the backup key for emergencies," I grumbled darkly, wrapped in my blanket so that only my face peeked out. A look that said "now come on" or "get a grip" came across her face. "So you're telling me it's not an emergency if you just walk away from the event without telling anyone after losing a duel to another person by yourself?" I exhaled in annoyance, but left her question uncommented. She stepped into the room and sat down next to me on the mattress. "Come on Kyla. Tell me." Examining her, I looked into her eyes. Then I sighed again and crawled out from under the covers a little more. "I hate defeat..." She shrugged. "We all do..." She stopped as I gave her a scowl. "You know what I mean." "Kyla, now come down here please." She grabbed me by the shoulders, preventing me from turning away from her. Defiantly, I jutted my chin out and stared straight into her eyes. "You want me to come down?! I lose to a damn good dancer and afterwards have to watch two of my closest friends run up to him first to congratulate him!" Yuna's eyes widened as she realized what I was getting at. "Oh..." "Yes, oh! Didn't you think about how that sight might have made me feel? I mean come on. We've known each other for, what? Five years? You know losing doesn't sit well with me and I could have used your support and then an action like that? That hurt me a little bit earlier..." I dropped my gaze to my hands, which were restlessly plucking at the blanket in my lap. Yuna sighed.

"Okay, I can see that. That wasn't exactly in the spirit of a team. I apologize. It wasn't our intention to offend you like that. But Kyla, you were great on stage today. We were all great. You know what? We actually made it to the next round. If you hadn't run off at a standstill, you would have gotten that too." I bit my lower lip. "And instead of being happy about it, you'd rather sit here in the dark and sulk instead of celebrating with us," Yuna continued. Instantly, I felt guilty and extremely childish. Embarrassed, I looked down at the ground, because I knew Yuna was right. "If only I wasn't always so impulsive." "A certain amount of impulsiveness is healthy too, isn't it? Yes, we should have come to you first, I realize that. But this J-Hope took us very much by surprise, and we were too curious that that's probably why we didn't realize you needed us." She smiled contritely. Then suddenly her countenance brightened. "Maybe you could see losing to J-Hope as a chance to learn something else." Confused, I looked at her. "You mean not underestimating strangers before they perform?" "No, I'm talking about maybe turning to him and learning from him! I think you could get more out of yourself if you could swallow your pride and let him help you. We still talked that night, you know? He had extra dance lessons, among other things. We miss that, for one thing." Caught off guard, I swallowed before looking her straight in the eye. "Kyla, he asked about you." ...He had what?! My mouth dropped open. "He says he sees a lot of potential in you, and he would have loved to exchange ideas with you." More guilt flooded through me. "Do you think...he's still...there?", I asked cautiously, but Yuna was already shaking her head. "No, he had to go back with his boys soon. When he left, I made my way to you too." Dejectedly, I hung my head. "...I fucked up, didn't I?" Yuna sighed. "Yes you did...but luckily you have someone who doesn't have such a short fuse by your side." she then spoke and I raised my eyes curiously. "I offered him that I'd be happy to come by our house for training and told him our times and location." I bit my lower lip. "Oh...cool." Yuna clicked her tongue and shook me again. "Yes it is. So be happy about the second chance you're getting instead of falling into a bad mood." I nodded. "Okay, I'll try." "Good."

She rose and strode to the door of the room. In the frame, she turned around again. "Good night Kyla, see you around." "Night." Then she left, gently closing the apartment door behind her.