Twisted WONDERLAND x Male Reader

Chapter 19: I do.. but I can't

I walked back to my dorm with rage. GODDAMMIT! Occasionally, I would rip at my hair, and outline the no-longer-there engravments. Everybody could feel the anger fuming from my body as I was throwing a fit.

The passing students avoided me, except for Ruggie. He asked me what was wrong, until he noticed the glint of self-hate from my eyes. He realized I was angry at myself, and so he carefully grazed my hand with his fingers. It calmed me down slightly, but I was still upset.

"Aesira.." he looked me in the eyes and pulled me in for a hug. Gracefully, he caressed my cheek as he pulled away. "What's wrong?" He looked all across my face, but all he could notice was negative emotions.

"Call me when you get in your room, okay?" I knew he couldn't stay long, but I wanted him to. I nodded and stormed to my dorm. I opened the door barely a creak sounded. "Aesira- what happened?" Lillia pulled me inside and sat me down at the coach. Silver and Sebek arrived early, so they left their rooms to see what the commotion was about.

I smiled at Lilia, a fake but gentle smile as a sign I didn't want to talk about it. He sighed and sat beside me. "Silver has been through the same thing. Something is running through your head, huh?" He asked, playing with my hand.

I shivered at the contact, his touch made me feel.. weird. DAMNIT! THIS SHIT AGAIN!

He noticed my anger rise again, and so he rubbed the top of my hand to calm me down. Tracing my fingers and hand with his thumb and hummed a calming tune, one I remembered from long ago.

BEAUTIFUL FLASHBACK

I sat in the dark, my arms bleeding of my artificial blood and my eyes glassed with soon to be tears. I held on tight to my arm, digging my nails into them. "Y/n" I knew that voice from anywhere, it was a loved one. Then, another one said my name, and then another and another, and another after another.

"Columbina." I stated, a small smile dancing across my face. She appeared to me, her own smile on her own face. She was known for her beautiful voice, same for her features.

She stepped to me, heels hitting against the ground creating a clashing sound. She crouched down to my height, and slowly pulled my arm to her. He began to hum.

Mh hm mh

Ahahha

Hm mhmhmaha

She continued with that routine, occasionally making another tune but switching back to the original. He brought me to a hug, as she nurtured me with care. "Don't worry, Col's here.. Chino is too." The sincerity in her voice made me lean to her, making her wrap her fatui coat around me and buttons it up, completely incasing me in her warmth. I place my head on her chest as she kissed my arm, the one bleeding. I had gotten a bad injury from a training lesson I went through.

TO THE PRESENT

I mumbled Columbina's name, before looking at Lilia. They were similar, but the feelings I had towards either of them were much different.

"Hm?" He asked, in confusion. "Nothing.." I stated. He smiled at me, his own fangs showing a little. He knew how to make me laugh. "Hehe.." I laughed, pain lingering in the tone.

"Go to your room, I'll cook something up." He got up off of the coach, to which I deadpanned realizing HE was going to cook. I walked slowly, my door, my gaze shifting to Silver and Sebek in the doorway before going into my room.

I closed the door slightly, a last smile to the two. I walked to the mirror, it was hidden away in the corner. I stared at myself.

Failure..

Mistake..

Worthless..

You can't even understand yourself, how should you understand others?

Don't worry, Y/n, you'll understand soon. It'll be okay.. be patient.

I widened my eyes at the voice, realizing who it was. A faint purple light shined from my own body, I only saw it through the mirror.

It was where the heart was supposed to be. A false hope just like the shape. It was shaped like a chess peice, it was a Gnosis shape. I knew it wasn't the real thing, wasn't it soon it be in the Tsaritsa's power?

"What do you want?" I shook, remembering the torture day after day I withstood to get to a better place. I was finally fucking there, why can't anything go to plan?!

"Shut up. You don't get to talk to me after centuries. Fuck off."

Language, Y/n. Someone will be there soon. I've changed, and I see you have too. I'll be back

"I.. w-wont let there be a next time." I said, remember the DIY blood that would explode from my arm, legs, stomach, chest, and would seep in that dreadful purple glistening liquid. The pain was nothing I had experienced before. Imagine getting burned on the stove while cooking, x100 and then apply electrocution x10 together with that. And then multiply that x100 when it enters your pores and the insides of your body. It burned at everything, my voice box, my artificial cells and blood, and my skin.

I'll never do that again, darling

"I don't trust you.." I said, the color soon fainting and I was left by myself.

You love you, you hate her, you don't know her, PICK A FUCKING STRUGGLE YOU DUMBASS! (Your talking to yourself btw)

I grabbed my shirt like I did the robe during the most traumatizing event I had with her.

I loved the others students as well, romantically, even if I didn't want to admit it. I hated love, it never goes well for anyone. No one gets love and stays together forever, I've never really seen it. I.. want love, want someone to hold me, kiss me, give me affection. I want someone to love me.

I do.. but I can't.

♡___________________(ゝω・´★)___________________♡

Guysss, I like this chapter! I hope you do too!

Mwah! Love you guys~

AND KEEP IN MIND THAT THE 3RD YEARS HAVE NOW BEEN DOWNGRADED TO 2ND YEARS FOR.. PURPOSES! ALSO, YES IK YOU PROBABLY CANT BREAK A VISION, BUT SUCK IT UP BUTTERCUP