Secrets I Have Held In My Heart

Chapter 13

I'm drunk and very sad.

It was one of my terrible ideas to finish the bottle of rum on my own because alcohol heightens my emotions. So now I'm sadder and drunker than when I arrived at my apartment.

I made many mistakes today, and the biggest one was letting one of my victims get away, and he cut me in the process.

Oh god, it hurts. Nothing's worse than starting my day by cleaning up a mess I didn't make. El hasn't stopped calling me all morning. I've gotten call after call, and each of them I've ignored. It's gonna be embarrassing asking her to mend my wound and telling her how I let my victim get away.

Now that I stopped to think about it, that was a hazardous move that made him think I was weak, and that's something I don't need him spreading around. I tried to avoid his attacks, remembering everything Morgan had wanted to teach me, but he was more skilled, and it was bound to happen.

You should have a challenge every now and then.

Things were just as chaotic as I assumed they would be with him. The only thing I wasn't expecting was me to get nicked in the process. I need a distraction from the pain. I'm fragile tonight, but I refuse to let myself cry.

I couldn't sleep at all because of the pain. I can't go to the doctor's because I'm a fucking murderer. I can't go to El because I don't need her to make fun of me because I'm already annoyed. The only place I can think of is Cami's, but I know I'm dead the second I show up.

I take a deep breath and swallow the lump forming in my throat. I'm fine. The pain isn't even that bad, and I let one victim escape. That's one more than I have in my entire...profession? I don't know if I can call it that. It's been a while since I've had a bad day like this. I have to screw my eyes shut when the tears threaten to fall.

Got this was a bitch, and the pain makes it worse.

Fuck it, I'm going to Camis'. I don't care if she kills me.

I'm sad, a bit sick, have a terrible headache, am drunk, and fucking bleeding out.

It's hard to keep my composure as I walk to my car. I hold an old t-shirt to my stomach as I put the key into the ignition, the vehicle rumbling to life. I wince as I try to put my seatbelt on because safety comes first, but ultimately just forget it when it keeps slipping from my wary hand.

I pull out of the driveway and onto the road, heading to Camilla's house. Hopefully, she still lives in the same complex, and if she doesn't- then I might as well be playing Russian roulette with the unfortunate person I come face to face to. I wince again as I press on the gas. It's life or death right now, and I don't have time to contemplate. Jesus Christ, I think I will pass out before I get there.

It feels like days before I finally pull up to her apartment. The lights are off, so it's no doubt she's sleeping. I step out and try not to collapse on the hood of my car. I slam the door shut, no doubt waking someone up. I slowly reach her door and knock hard before pressing the doorbell.

I wait a minute before doing it again, finally earning a 'Just a minute!' from the other side of the painted light blue door. I peel the shirt away from the wound, the blood surrounding the area. I bite my lip as I look up at the sky. It's starting to rain, and I can feel tiny drops landing on my face.

To my fortune, the door finally opens, and I'm presented with Camilla's beautiful yet stunned face.

  "Hi, Cami."

Her jaw slackened, mouth parting with a slight noise that I wasn't sure she even had thought had been audible as she came face to face with the man she thought she'd never see again.

  "What," a very livid, tired, and highly shocked Camilla Hendricks hissed, "the actual fuck are you doing here, Reid?"

Her eyes were wild and wide, her nostrils flaring, her expression containing so much uncontrolled rage that I almost rethought my decision to come here. "Long story. Sorry, can I come in?"

  "Are you fucking insane? No, you can't come in!"

  "Camilla, please." I point to my stomach, and her eyes widen again.

  "What the hell did you-" She looks around for the sudden voices that sound out in the night air. I whirl around, stiffening, before turning back to her. She hooks her hand roughly under my arm and drags me inside, slamming the door. "What the hell did you do?"

  "I didn't do it. Someone did it to me." I see a head of curls poke out from behind a door, his eyes looking to me, then Camilla. "Is he yours?" I ask, pointing to the boy.

  "No." She says quickly and quietly. She looks where I'm pointing and promptly rushes over. "Auggie, stay in the bedroom, okay?"

  "But I wanna help, mumma."

Oh, so she lies now?

  "I would love it if you could help, but not with this baby. This is a job for adults and adults only. Okay?"

The boy nods his head and slowly shuts the door behind him. I hear it lock, and Camilla walks back over to me.

  "You need to leave. Right now. I don't know where you'll go, but you can't be here."

  "Camilla, please. I almost passed out driving here." I can feel myself getting weaker. I grip the counter to steady myself. My ears are ringing. My vision is swimming.

  "Reid-"

I stop her before she can say another word, raising my finger. "Hold on, I-"

  "Reid?"

I shake my head, telling her I'm okay before collapsing to the ground. I hear her shout a 'fuck!'. My body aches as I lay on her floor, bleeding. The wood is hard and cold on my back, and noise came through staticky and broken like a voice through a foul phone line or broken radio. I could just vaguely hear Cami's kneeling beside me, accompanied by her lovely frantic voice. Still, my vision refuses to focus, and the only thing I can identify around me is Cami's face hovering above me as she starts to assess my wound.