Secrets I Have Held In My Heart

Chapter 49

I stand in the bustling police station, surrounded by the hum of activity. It's been a long week, and the team is tirelessly working to apprehend an unknown subject responsible for the same string of gruesome murders that has sent shock waves through the city.

As I grab a fresh cup of coffee for the team, my mind is consumed with the details of the case. The UNSUB's pattern is becoming clearer, but his identity remains elusive. I can't shake the weight of responsibility that rests on my shoulders as I keep seeing me in these girls.

Lost in my thoughts, I round a corner and collide with someone, almost spilling the cups of coffee I hold. I look up and see Roman standing before me, a playful smile on his face. Thankfully, I didn't get any coffee on his shirt or nice jacket and pants.

  "Oh my god, I'm so sorry Roman. My mind is all over the place today." I say.

His gaze softens, concern etching on his features. "I can see that. Everything alright?"

My shoulders slump slightly, exhaustion evident in my voice. "We've been trying to catch that UNSUB that you gave us info for for the past few weeks now and nothing has happened so far. We can't rest until we do catch him, being a FBI agent and all and it's getting to all of us." I say, realizing I just unloaded on him. "Oh, I didn't meant to bare everything to you, sorry." I smile sheepishly.

Roman reaches out and places a gentle hand on my arm. "You're amazing at what you do, I know you'll find him. Maybe we can grab dinner this weekend? Just a chance for you to unwind and for us to catch up."

I hesitate, my mind swirling with thoughts. Spencer and I have been sleeping together and we live together with our son but...we haven't put a label on anything. The weight of the case and my job has left time for no serious commitment and I sort of like just having something 'casual' with him. I look into Roman's eyes, seeing a genuine kindness that beckons me to say yes.

Taking a deep breath, I smile at him. "You know what? I'd love that. Dinner sounds perfect, Roman."

His face lights up with a smile that reaches his eyes. "Great! I know this little Italian place that has the best pasta. I'll pick you up on Saturday at 7 p.m. how does that sound?"

My heart flutters at the prospect of Italian food. "I'll be waiting. Oh, by the way? Why are you here in Maine? You don't live all the way up here last time I checked."

  "Just visiting my parents. They live up here and I thought I'd keep an eye on them since they're getting somewhat older." He shrugs and I nod.

As we part ways, I can't help but feel a sense of excitement. Being focused on this case for so long, it'll be nice to spend time with someone who isn't my talkative son and my not labeled roommate also Auggie's father.

Restringing to the police precinct, I find the team engrossed in their work. I set the coffee down on the table and resume my place, the case once again taking center stage. But this time, I'm more excited to get through everything.

I stand in the quiet hotel room, my heart pounding in my chest as I dial Spencer's number. I know this conversation won't be easy to get through but I really can't avoid it. The weight of my decision to go on a date with Roman presses heavily on my mind, and I know that I have to address it with Spencer.

As the phone rings, my thoughts race. I understand that Spencer has reservations about Roman, and I'm aware of the tension that has simmers between the two for an unknown reason other than the fact Spencer's jealous. But I can't deny that it would be funny to just make Spencer a little jealous.

His voice comes through the line. "Everything okay?" he asks me.

I take a deep breath, my voice steady but tinged with apprehension. "Spencer, I called because I want to let you know that I'm.... I'm going on a date with Roman..."

There's a brief pause on the other end of the line and I can physically feel the tension building. When Spencer finally speaks his tone is guarded. "Have fun."

I feel a pang of guilt, knowing I'm pushing a sensitive button but I press on because he needs to know what's happening on Saturday so he can watch Auggie cause Lord knows Elle will fight to her death to not watch him on a Saturday night. "He's just a friend, Spence you know that."

I can hear the frustration is his voice as he answers with "You know how I feel about him."

My patience wavers. "Yeah, and I know that hes just a friend Spencer really. It's just because of this case that's it, I promise."

There's a heavy silence on the other end of the line, the unspoken tension hanging in the air. I know that I've struck a nerve, that my words have stoked embers of jealousy in Spencer.

Finally, his voice comes through, strained, "And I hope you have fun."

My heart slightly sinks at the defeat in his voice. I don't intend to hurt him, but I know that we aren't serious and he does too.

At least I hope he does.