Secrets I Have Held In My Heart

Chapter 15

It's hard to walk into my job and act like Reid didn't show up at my apartment two days ago. Like I didn't have to stitch up his wound after he fell to the floor, passing out. I told him he needed to leave shortly after I put Auggie down for his nap. Against my better judgment, he followed my demand and quickly went. I thought I'd have to roll him out the door and push him down the front steps. Whenever someone asked me if everything was alright, I'd lie and say I was just tired because August was giving me a hard time bathing.

I sigh in relief as the plane lands and return to my car. It hums to life as I turn the key in the ignition. It's cold, so I rub my hands together to create warmth before finally driving out of the FBI parking lot.

I pull into the driveway, and my body is jittery, excited to hug my son again. At the same time I'm thinking this, I unlock the front door and am immediately greeted with an excited squeal.

  "Mommy!". His little footsteps stop, and he clambers up into my arms.

  "August needs a bath." My mother says, and she walks over to me.

  "I can see that," I say, bouncing Auggie on my hip to invoke a joyful laugh to leave his lips. "You want to tell me, Nana, why my son is half-naked and covered in flour?"

  "We baked!" Auggie excitedly exclaims.

  "And he needs a bath." She repeats.

I put Auggie down and walk into the kitchen to see the damage done. "Holy shit, it looks like a bomb went off here."

  "You want to watch the cupcakes with us?!" Auggie asks. "Please?"

  "Come on, Mom, watch the cupcakes with us." My mother says, and I smile.

For twenty-five minutes, we sit on the kitchen floor with our backs pressed against the cabinets opposite the oven, watching the cupcakes begin to cook and rise. Auggie has many questions for me, some that mom can't answer, like how they can grow and why it happens. Questions turned into singing Disney songs, and soon enough, there is a talent show happening in the kitchen, and I can honestly say both Mom and I are very grateful when the timer goes off, indicating the sweets are ready.

The second I put the cupcakes on the cooling rack, Auggie pushes himself up on one of the stools to get a good look at them. "Wow." He giggles with excitement, "Can I have one?"

  "We need to get you cleaned up first, okay? Then we can have one." I tell him before I lift him off the stool and crouch down in front of him.

  "Nana too?" Auggie questions as I walk him to the bathroom.

  "If Nana wants one, she can have one," I smile.

  "But she has to have dinner first," Auggie adds, repeating something I've told him plenty of times. I pull off his little jeans and throw them in a pile in the corner of the bathroom.

  "Okay, kiddo," I say with a clap, giving him a wide smile. "Bath time!"

Mom puts her hand gently on my forearm. "Go clean yourself up. I can manage cleaning flour off my grandson." She smiles, and I nod.

I decided to listen to her. Not because she tells me to but because I want to get these stiff clothes off me. Some of the flour from Auggie's body rubbed off on my clothes. I put on some gray sweatpants and a white t-shirt, and I noticed Mom leaning against the door, arms folded over her chest. Her shirt is slightly damp from Auggie splashing in the tub.

  "Shit, mom." I nervously chuckle under my breath. "You scared me."

  "Who is the strange man that was sleeping on your floor?"

I feel my body go rigid. I can see my face go white, and my eyes go wide. "I'm sorry?" I ask.

  "Auggie said a man was sleeping on your floor. A 'strange man,' and he mentioned his name was Spencer."

  "Oh, um..." My voice wavers. "Just some stranger. He knocked on our door and wouldn't leave. I know I shouldn't have let him in, but all I let him do was sleep on the floor. It was cold last night, so I felt bad."

  "You're a single mother with a 5-year-old boy. You should never let anyone in this house, even if you're a trained agent."

  "I know, Mom," I say, annoyed by this conversation. I'm always careful. She doesn't know about Spencer; I never told her about him and me. She would never have approved of it either, two parents a part of the FBI with wavering hours. 'No one deserves absent parents, even if they're saving people,' she would say, and being 9 weeks pregnant and throwing up every morning, I didn't want to hear it.

  "He's just...so little I don't want anyone to hurt him."

  "I know, Mom, me too. If I knew the man would be dangerous, I wouldn't have let him sleep on our floor in our apartment." I say before I walk past her to check on Auggie. He makes zooming noises as he drives his cars on the bathroom wall. "Hey buddy, you ready to get out?"

He nods and stands up, shivering, and I quickly grab him the fluffiest towel I can find. He looks like a wet cat with his curls not bouncy but instead hanging by his shoulders.

  "Alright, little man. Let's get some pj's on, and you can have your cupcake." My mom says before taking him in her arms and carrying him to his room.

My phone buzzes in my pocket, and I take it out, looking at the screen. Penelope's name appears, and I press the green accept button. "What's up, Pen?"

  "We got the day and night off tomorrow! You want to go out with Emily, JJ, and me?" She screams through the phone so loud I must pull it away from my ear until she calms down.

  "I would love to! I can probably hire a babysitter to watch Auggie."

  "Great, because if you said no, we would've driven to your house to kidnap you anyway."

I hear my name being called by Auggie to come and eat a cupcake as I laugh at Penelope's joke.   "Okay, well, text me the bar and what time so I can schedule someone. Auggie's calling me, so I gotta go. Talk to you later, Pen."

  "See you later! I should also mention that your favorite local superhero Penelope Garcia found that Roman guy and invited him along with us. Okay, bye!"

She hangs up before I can answer. My jaw is on the floor. She did not invite the guy who tattooed me once to a bar with three other girls. Oh no. I roll my eyes and put my phone back in my pocket as I accompany my mother and son.