She can tell those three words turn me on and I know she's trying to hide a smile. Slowly, her hand travels up my chest, starting at my lower abdomen, and working up to the center-making me want to shiver at her light caress. She sticks out her fing...
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If you had asked me 8 weeks ago how I'd be spending my son's seventh birthday, racing to the bathroom and emptying out my stomach wouldn't have been one of my answers.
I'm coughing and dry heaving, I'm in tears, frustrated at myself for throwing up again as if it's something that can be helped. Yesterday, I was okay. I didn't feel sick. Once I'm able to get a full breath in, I'm groaning before flushing the toilet and pushing myself back up to stand. I walk back to my concrete cell and grab a blanket, deciding to camp out beside the toilet so I don't have to keep running back and forth. My stomach is swirling.
My cheek rests against the floor, my body wrapped in a blanket as I close my eyes and attempt to drift off. I can't tell what time it is and to be honest, I don't really care. I make it an hour I think or so until I'm throwing up again and this time, it's worse than the last. My chest hurts, I swear it bleeds my throat sore, and it causes an ache in my stomach.
I hop in the shower and attempt to freshen up, rinsing the sick out of my hair with some shampoo that they've given me, washing myself from head to toe. I attempt to dry my hair before I have the urge to hunch over the toilet.
With my stomach still turning, I decide to just go back to bed. The floor is uncomfortable and I don't think I actually have anything left in me to throw up. I rummage around for anything that could be a sick bowl but there's nothing. I sigh but put myself in bed and then suddenly, everything comes crashing down.
I haven't had my period these 8 weeks. It's late. I've been too distracted to even notice.
I harshly swallow and shake my head. Of course my period has been late many times before with stress due to work, it's nothing. I continue to think and it hits me that I've been throwing up without a good reason. I don't feel physically ill; no sore throat, no cough or runny nose and no headache. My limps feel fine, not like lead and I don't have any shivers. A little voice in the back of my head questions if I could be pregnant but I push it away.
No that can't be true.
I crawl under the rest of the blankets on my bed, pulling them up to my chin before I'm trying to fall back to sleep but my mind won't stop spinning. My hands rest on my stomach, trying to feel if anything is different.
I try not to get my hopes up as a smile forms on my face at the thought of carrying another child of Spencer's and I's. But then I think that I have a job that puts me all around the US, Spencer will have to take care of Auggie and our baby, I can't go out with Pen, Emily, or JJ on the weekends when we get a free weekend, I have to get home to my kids.
What if I am pregnant though? How do I tell Spencer? How will I ever tell Spencer if I'm ever to get out of here? It has been hard to remember where my time has gone. After about an hour or so, I have to pee so I get out of bed. I've decided within that hour to not disclose to them that I'm pregnant because lord knows what they'll do to me if they find out.
