Always Then and Now

Chapter 1

HANNAH MONROE
"I'm sorry, Ms. Monroe, but I'm afraid we've decided not to continue your contract with us."

My stomach dropped and my mind went blank for a moment. I couldn't comprehend what had just been said. They were letting me go? I'd given a year of myself to this prestigious daycare. Bonded with the children. Gotten to know the parents and all their many eccentricities. Learned to work with the ones who could be worked with and tiptoe around the ones who couldn't. I'd thought I was doing a pretty good job. Now I was being fired?

"Ms. Monroe?" the administrator, Mr. Poole, prompted, looking at me with no discernable expression. Was this his idea? The school board? Did the parents complain about me for some reason? Did anyone fight for me?

I shook my head to clear it and cleared my throat as well. "I'm sorry, I'm just a little surprised. I-I thought I'd been doing a good job..." My eyes flicked to his face, but his bespectacled gaze remained impassive, and the pit in my stomach grew as I looked away again, feeling more intimidated by the second. I didn't do well with bosses, or with confrontation in general. I'd never been assertive enough. When it came to fight or flight, I flew. Every time.

I cleared my throat again, my hands clenched at my sides, then forced myself to stay put and ask the question that didn't want to budge past my lips. "Can I ask why? So I can, um, improve myself in the future?" I didn't want him to think I was whining, or that I would beg to keep my job, though it was difficult not to do either. I loved this job, and I loved those kids. The thought of leaving made my heart hurt.

"This is a fine institution, Ms. Monroe, and we need to live up to a certain level of sophistication. I'm afraid you just aren't quite the right fit."

I let out a breath of surprise and devastation and winced, my eyes flicking to his face again, to his unreadable expression. The pit in my stomach started to churn, my flight response kicking into high gear. I needed to escape this office, this terrible way I was feeling, just drown myself in junk food and reality TV. I swallowed the lump growing in my throat, or tried to, anyway. "Th-thank you," I said thickly, getting up quickly and moving to the door. I had to get out of here before the tears started. I'd been told in the past that I was too emotional, and I wasn't going to let this man see me cry. "I'll clear my things out and leave the classroom key on the desk."

"Mrs. Chittick in reception will have documents for you to sign on your way out," Mr. Poole said as I opened the door, his tone disinterested, his eyes already on what I assumed was the next order of business on his desk. "Good luck in your future endeavors."

Bitterness burned in my throat as I exited the room. Hearing such a cool comment somehow made this all even worse. A large part of my life had revolved around this preschool for a year. A whole year! Now I was being unceremoniously tossed out as if I was nothing. I'd thought I'd been making a place for myself here but based on the dismissive tone of Mr. Pool's voice, I'd been very wrong.

I managed to hold back my tears, barely able to breathe past the sharp pain in my throat, as I signed the documents Mr. Poole had mentioned. I couldn't look at Mrs. Chittick. I didn't know her well, but she'd always seemed like a nice old lady. If I looked at her, I'd definitely start to cry.

"What a horrible turn of events," she said sympathetically. "Those kids are going to miss you something fierce."

"I'm going to miss them too," I managed to rasp out around the giant lump in my throat.

"You know what they say," she continued. "When life closes a door, it opens a window. This is just a sign that you haven't yet found where you're meant to be. I like to think this place came close, but something else will come along that will really call to you."