Always Then and Now

Chapter 25

HANNAH

I hated shopping. Hated it with a burning passion. Nothing I tried on ever looked good on me, and I always ended up feeling more depressed about my weight and looks afterwards. But Kate and Jai had both insisted, so a few days later, here we were. The two of them took turns looking after Emily while the other selected outfit after outfit for me to try on.

I was miserable.

There were a few outfits that I supposed looked half-decent on me, a few that even got a couple of whistles from my friends, but these were so far out of my comfort zone, I wasn't sure I'd ever have the nerve to wear any of them. Of course, my comfort zone was extremely small. Jeans and t-shirts were my thing. Anything else made me want to run and hide. I couldn't be invisible wearing clothes like this.

Of course, these were the clothes they made me get. By the time we were done, I had a handful of new outfits to mix and match, plus a couple of dresses. I didn't wear dresses—they were the furthest thing from my comfort zone—but both Jai and Kate had insisted they were perfect for me, and I had to admit, they looked okay.

Still, I was glad to be leaving the store. A couple hours of shopping were enough for me.

Except, we apparently weren't done. I looked at my friends, dismayed, when they insisted there was still more.

"But I've already got dresses and a bunch of outfits. What else is there?" I asked incredulously. How did people spend—and enjoy—full days of shopping? I didn't get it.

"Well, at the very least, we need to get you a few new bras," Kate responded, and Jai nodded emphatically.

I looked down at my chest. "Why? What's wrong with what I've got?" I asked, confused.

Jai rolled his eyes. "Come on, Han. You can't think that cheap Walmart bras are going to cut it for these new clothes."

"Walmart?!" It was Kate's turn to sound incredulous, her voice strangled. "Oh no, no, no. No, we need to get you the real thing, Walmart bras are fine for lounging around, but not for going out. And you definitely need a push up bra or two, to go with some of the tops we got you."

When I looked at her dubiously, she continued. "Hannah, even you have to see that your girls are some of your best assets. You've got them, so flaunt them!"

"Oh, I don't know..." I responded uncertainly. I felt like I was in way over my head. I knew nothing about looking good, dressing well. And the thought of flaunting anything made me feel uncomfortable.

"Trust us, Hannah. If the focus is on your tits—which are fantastic, by the way—then it takes the focus off other areas that you're not so fond of," Jai pointed out. I appreciated that he didn't come right out and call me fat, even though we both knew I was.

"Exactly," Kate agreed. "Let me tell you, if I had boobs like yours, I'd be flaunting the hell out of them. I couldn't get cleavage out of these bee stings if I tried." She cupped her own small breasts and pushed them together, trying to create some cleavage.

I couldn't help but laugh, feeling a little better about the idea now. My friends did know how to reassure me, even when I resisted every attempt. "Alright, fine. Let's get me a bra or two."

By the time we were done, I was exhausted, and I never wanted to shop again. We hadn't stopped after getting the bras. After bras, we'd needed at least a pair or two of shoes, and then Kate had taken us to her salon, where she'd treated me to highlights, a blowout and makeup. I'd protested, because this place was expensive with a capital E, but she'd insisted on paying as thanks for helping her and her brother out with Emily. I'd tried to protest, since I'd gotten just as much out of this arrangement as she and Liam had, if not more, but she wouldn't take no for an answer. She was very good at convincing me to see things her way, all while making me feel good about doing it. She and Liam definitely had that in common. I thought back to the way he'd gotten me to agree to the SUV, and even back to the way he'd calmed me down during my panic attacks. It wasn't surprising that these two were both so successful. They could both be very persuasive. I hated taking handouts from anyone, but in the end, I'd caved.