Always Then and Now

Chapter 15

HANNAH

Okay, so it was really cute, watching him push his daughter on the swing.  She was giggling away, enjoying every minute of time with her daddy, and he seemed to be enjoying his time too, smiling and looking almost…awed, maybe?  Whether because he couldn’t believe that he was the cause of her adorable giggles or because he couldn’t believe he was in this situation in the first place, I didn’t know.  But it was a very attractive look on him.

But then every look was an attractive look on him.  He looked like he could be posing for a photo shoot for a parenting magazine right now, dressed in charcoal casual slacks and a deep red collared shirt, his short dark hair perfectly in place as always and that gorgeous smile on his face.  Jai hadn’t been lying when he’d said that Liam was even hotter in person than in pictures.  I glanced around the playground, and yep, he’d drawn the gaze of just about every woman out here, even the ones with partners standing right next to them.  It wasn’t at all surprising.

And when he picked Emily up and walked back to me, that warm smile still on his face, I couldn’t help but notice the dreamy expressions on some of those women’s faces turn to ones of disbelief and even hostility as their gazes shifted to me.

Calm down, ladies, I thought to myself.  He’s not mine either.

“Did you have fun on the swings?” I asked Emily when they joined me again. 

She nodded enthusiastically.  “I swinged high!”

I laughed.  She was so cute.  “You sure did!  You went so high!” I said and gave her a little tickle.  She giggled.  “Oh, but you haven’t gone on the slide yet.  Do you still want to go on the slide?”

She nodded again.  “Daddy come too!” she exclaimed.

I glanced at Liam, and he looked a little uncomfortable at the idea.  Was he afraid of getting dirty?  “Oh, I don’t…why don’t I just catch you at the bottom, Pumpkin?”

She shook her head and scrunched her face up into a frown.  “No!  You slide too!”

He looked at me for help, but I just shrugged, hiding a smile.  “Sorry, I don’t think you can legally say no to a face like that,” I told him.  I made a pouty face at Emily when he turned back to face her again, and she mimicked me.

He looked at her and groaned, then shot me a look.  “You did this on purpose,” he said to me.  I looked back at him innocently, though I think the blush that creeped up on my face gave me away.  He rolled his eyes at me, then gave her a big kiss on the cheek, making her giggle.  “Alright, Pumpkin, let’s go down the slide.”  He turned and carried her back to the playground.

I smirked and pulled my phone out as they climbed up onto the play structure, snapping a few pictures of them as he sat down awkwardly with her in his lap, and a few more as they slid down together.  I sent the best ones to Kate.  She immediately responded.

Kate: OMG.  This. Is. Everything.

I laughed to myself as I slipped my phone back into my pocket, then watched them slide down a couple more times.

“You’re right.  It’s impossible to say no to her,” he said when they joined me again.  “Like, the word just can’t get past my lips.”

“Told ya,” I said with a nod.  “Although you’re going to have to learn, or you’re going to end up with one hell of a teenager on your hands in a handful of years.”

He groaned as he settled Emily back in the wagon and then grabbed the handle.  We walked back to and along the path among the market stalls in silence for a few moments, and I was surprised to notice that it wasn’t uncomfortable.  That was a first for me.  Silence was almost always uncomfortable for me when I was with just about anyone except Jai or Mia.  My mind would struggle to come up with something to say to fill the void of communication, and when I inevitably couldn’t think of anything, my discomfort would only worsen. 

Odd, then, that this silence felt okay. 

I glanced at him out of the corner of my eye.  God, he looked good.  I wasn’t sure how it was possible to even be near someone as good-looking as Liam without my brain short-circuiting, no matter the reason we were in the same vicinity.  I felt like Icarus, flying too close to the sun.  Something embarrassing was going to happen.  I just knew it.  I’d trip over my own feet and faceplant on the ground or something equally mortifying.

He looked great in his designer suits—perfect, even—but he somehow managed to look even better in these more casual clothes.  More real.  More relaxed.  More…accessible, like a regular guy.  The easy way he spoke to me, especially over the past few days, also helped that impression.  Maybe that was why I actually seemed to be able to function around him today, despite looking better than I’d ever seen him.

He looked at me then, amusement in his smile, and realized I must have been staring at him.  I cursed myself and looked away.

“See something you like?” he asked lightly.

“No!” I said immediately and then winced, flushing bright red.  “I mean…I’ve just never seen you in anything other than a fancy suit before.  I was just thinking about how different these clothes make you look.”

“Better or worse?”

“Better,” I said without thinking, and then hurried to add.  “Not that you don’t look good in your suits.  You definitely do.  It’s just in these clothes, you look more…real, I guess, if that makes sense.  Accessible?  Down-to-earth?”  God, just kill me now.  This word vomit was embarrassing.  Discomfort level rising rapidly. T minus ten seconds to total social function meltdown.

I tried desperately to think of something, anything, to say to change the subject, but of course, my brain wasn’t working, so nothing came to mind.  It was terrifyingly blank of any ideas beyond my anxiety.  Here it was—my wings were melting off.  I began to worry my fingers and chew on my lip.  This was why I thought (and thought) about my words before I voiced them.  Because when I didn't, they came out like this.  Stupid Jai and his stupid advice.

“Hey.” He stopped walking and covered my hands with his free hand, stilling them.  I glanced at him nervously and found him looking back at me kindly, concern in his eyes.  It’s okay, Hannah.  We’re just having a conversation.  Nothing to be nervous or embarrassed about.  You were just telling me what you were thinking, and I appreciate that.  There’s no judgement from me.  I want to hear your opinion.  Okay?”

His voice was quiet, soothing, and he held my gaze for a long moment while I considered what he’d said.  Most guys would, at the very least, be uncomfortable being stared at by someone like me, someone of my size, I thought, yet here was Liam, unbothered by me and even trying to ease my embarrassment?  I didn’t know what to think.  I’d have to unpack this in my mind later when I had a moment alone. 

I gave him a small smile, face still beet red, I was sure, and nodded.  “Okay.  Thank you.”

He smiled and gave my hands a little squeeze, then let them go.  “No need to thank me,” he said as he started walking again.  I moved to keep pace with him.  “You can talk about how appealing I am anytime you want.”  He shot me a grin.

I rolled my eyes but laughed, feeling the tension slowly ease out of me.  I appreciated what he was doing, calming me down like that.  Maybe he wasn’t as scary as I’d thought.  “Yeah, cause I’m sure you don’t hear it enough from everyone else in the world already,” I said sarcastically, shaking my head. 

He laughed and shrugged.  “Yeah, but there’s just something about the way that you say it that makes me feel extra special.”

I blushed and ducked my head, reminding myself that he was joking around.  “Oh, you’re special, alright.”  I smirked, and he laughed.  I took a deep breath.  Maybe I would be able to function around this man after all.