Calm after the Storm

No peace

How can you see into my eyes like open doors?
Leading you down into my core
Where I've become so numb
Without a soul
My spirit's sleeping somewhere cold
Until you find it there and lead it back home

Wake me up inside (save me)
Call my name and save me from the dark (wake me up)
Bid my blood to run (I can't wake up)
Before I come undone (save me)
Save me from the nothing I've become
Now that I know what I'm without
You can't just leave me
Breathe into me and make me real
Bring me to life

(Bring me to life - Evanescence)

[Louis]

Louis feels detached from his body, has been staring at the wall of his old room for hours, which Jay hasn't changed since he moved out, everything is the same as before. Since he knows that Harry is on his way to him, he has been able to calm down, let go and his tears have dried up. But it's a strange state. It's like he's there and yet he's not, his head blank, completely calm and that's what he hasn't had for a long time. Louis enjoys the silence and even Jay has given up talking to him to find out what happened. After he handed her back the phone after Harry's call, she sat next to him on the floor leaning against the bed for a while but then went to look after his siblings.

Louis is actually exhausted and would prefer only one thing - to sleep. But he wants to see Harry, even though he told him on the phone that he didn't want to be a burden to him anymore. But who is he kidding - he needs Harry like the air he needs to breathe and is more than grateful that he is making his way to him. Although the bad conscience is slowly setting in, because Harry certainly has enough to do other than travel across the country after his boyfriend just because he took the first train back to Doncaster in a short-circuit reaction.

"Lou?" Harry's voice suddenly booms from downstairs, then a loud rumble on the stairs and a door that flies open with vengeance. Harry looks so stressed and relieved at the same time, but Louis doesn't have much time to look at his condition because the next moment he's on his knees in front of him. With full force, Harry pulls him to his chest, holding his head tightly over the pounding heart with one hand, the other arm around his back, kissing his head over and over again.

"God, darling, I was so worried. I'm so glad you're doing well," he sobs and Louis frees himself from his tight grip to look at him. Harry sits in front of him in tears, completely devastated.

"I'm so sorry," Louis whispers, taking Harry's face in both hands to kiss him gently. He tastes the salty tears on his pink lips and yet it's always like coming home. No matter how many times he's kissed Harry, this is his lifeblood and he's wondering at this moment how he could be so stupid. How he couldn't have Harry in mind as he ran the streets of London to the train station by sheer panic.

"Please forgive me doll, I didn't want you to worry. I should have let you know But, I, um, I was so upset," Louis tries to explain, but Harry doesn't let go and just kisses him a little harder, silencing him. It takes a long time before he lets go of him and they both take a deep breath while their eye contact doesn't break.

"What happened anyway?" Harry asks as he gets up and pulls Louis up with him. They both snuggle up on the bed, Louis in Harry's arms, and like two magnets their bodies find themselves pressed tightly together in the right places.

Louis runs his index finger over Harry's chest, sighs and begins to talk.

After work, Louis wanted to smoke a cigarette in peace and quiet until Harry picked him up. It was so good to be back, back to work, even though he'd enjoyed the past week with Harry all to himself. Since then he felt a greater spark of hope, a little more every day, a ray of sunshine yet to be born, but it is there and he feels it literally flooding through his body and soul. Even if the shadows keep coming back, even though Louis fights them so hard and wants to be better for Harry. Maybe that is optimism, the anticipation of good things to come. It is a feeling he hadn't had in so long that it feels as foreign as it is welcome.