Calm after the Storm

Finally free

You and me until the end
Wakin' up to start again
You and me until the end
Wakin' up to start again
There's nowhere else that I would rather be

Because it's times like these
We're so much happier
Nights like these
We'll remember those stupid jokes
Only we know
You know, when I'm with you
I'm so much happier
Nights like these
We'll remember those songs we wrote
Only we know
You smile at me and say, "It's time to go" But I don't feel like goin' home

(Silver Tongues - Louis Tomlinson)

[Louis]

No matter how cool Louis has been playing it the past few days, he's a nervous bunch today.

It's the day of the trial and after the last article Louis actually thought it would be forgotten the next day, he was wrong. In these five days, articles have been spread in all sorts of newspapers and the reporters even went so far as to wait in front of his mother's house. When she didn't answer a single question and rather killed them with a look, they asked around Doncaster and got information about Louis (and Harry) anyway.

Louis and Harry could only watch in despair as more and more details about private matters emerged. Suddenly not only articles were written about the trial but also their love story was described. Often embellished but unfortunately very close to the truth. How close friends they were as children, how one day they came to school holding hands and from then on they kissed uncontrollably in the hallways or how Louis stood up for Harry in front of the bullies. And of course an analysis by the writer of how this Louis, who didn't put up with anything, could suddenly become a victim of domestic abuse.

Again, they didn't know who the source was they were citing and who, for a little fame, gave details about both. Niall and Oli tried to find something out but came up empty handed. And in the end it wouldn't help either, because the articles were written, the damage done.

But with his anxiety rising the closer the court date got, Louis couldn't keep his cool as he had after the first article. Actually Harry and he drove each other insane. Louis because he hardly touches his food again and chain smokes instead and Harry because Louis constantly has to stop him from making an aggressive statement and he doesn't know Harry so irritated. He had already noticed before the articles that Harry often sits there sulking and squinting when he thinks Louis doesn't notice, but Louis doesn't dare bring it up - his own thoughts always revolve around whether Harry might secretly regrets being with Louis again and Louis isn't strong enough to hear that truth, if he is.

When he brought it up with his therapist, she just sighed and asked Louis not to let his mind get too big and put something in Harry's mouth that wasn't the truth. He should speak instead about his worries. And Louis talks so much - he talks about his feelings or when he gets overwhelmed by his memories again - but he's just too much of a coward to ask Harry if it's his fault when he's sitting there lost in thought. Instead, he works hard on himself, spends a lot of time outdoors, attends every therapy session as well as the session in the self-help group, eats regularly (besides the last few days) and feels connected to himself again - when he laughs, it is with all his heart.

He loves how he can be intimate with Harry again without panic attacks overcoming him, how he slowly reconnects with Oli and Niall and texts them back and forth on a daily basis and when he calls his family. Just like it makes him so damn happy that he wakes up with Harry every morning and falls asleep with him every night. That they finally live their dream of a shared apartment. Although there was a delay of almost 3 years and a separation, they made it. And Louis knows that after all these difficulties nothing can separate them anymore, he knows just as well as then, that he will marry Harry one day and that he would like to have many babies with him. Louis finally has this knowledge that everything can be good and what could be better?