Say you Love me

(14) Basorexia

*𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐥𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐝𝐞𝐬𝐢𝐫𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐤𝐢𝐬𝐬*

NICHOLAS POV
(Mention of attempt to suicide which might trigger few readers. So it's a trigger warning)

"You are sure you are ready to talk about your wife?"

You bet

"Yes"

"So where should we start from then? " Keith said cautiously as if I will hit him if he say something I don't like.

I took a breath in and tried to get the courage to tell everything.

"Hmm, it was never supposed to happen. Our marriage was not out of love. She didn't wanted to marry me. She literally rejected me on our first meeting but she wanted me to say no as her father won't listen to her" I still remember her annoyed face. She disliked me at first sight. My baby monkey

"I had an option to say no but.... I didn't. I think.. No I was selfish I didn't say no, in spite of knowing she didnt want to marry me I didn't said no. My father would have understood it if I tried to explain him, but I didn't. 

My father is supportive and would have supported my decision but I just wanted him to be happy. I gave her a contract of our marriage and you won't believe me but she literally crossed the  clauses and put her own clauses. She looked in my eyes and said what she wanted, didn't even stutter"

Maybe I liked that side of her a little  bit although I didn't admit it to myself. I was stupid and stubborn.

"You weren't selfish, What you did wasn't selfish. You wanted your father to be happy. Maybe you should have avoided the marriage but what's done is done. Now you can't blame yourself for that " Keith said calmly.

I told him everything after that , everything that happened between us, what I felt for her, And also how late I realised I loved her. I told him what a dick head I was to push her away from me. How I was stupid to always push her away from me until it was too late.

Until she was gone.

I  told him how much pain I felt when I believed that she went behind my back. However even if she chose someone else I didn't have the right to call her names.

I said things I regret, but I know even if I regret now nothing will change.  Her tears strained angry or rather disappointed eyes still haunt me at night.

She trusted me not to hurt her like everyone around her did. She had put faith in me and what I did!!...I crushed it.

Keith tried to validate my emotions but also point out my mistakes and what are things I shouldn't have done.

I told him about the letter, which I found the day I wanted to beg for forgiveness , the day I wanted her to give us a chance. I told him about the accident. I told him about the accident.

"It is ironical no? I pushed her away all the time, I got so many chance to rectify myself but I didn't but when I decided to rectify it I didn't got a chance. I mean I should have been the one in the car. She was better than me. She deserved more than me. I actually thought of killing myself as the ache got too much. But I couldn't, my father would have died without me. I couldn't dissapoint the only person that still have faith in me. He suffered too. He got sicker after Naomi's death but he is trying to survive for me so how could I do that to him" I tried to smile but I know its fake, keith knows it's fake.