Losing my Religion (nyo Fruk)

20

I sat in the line with the other students. I could see Julia from where I sat, and she stared hatefully at me. If only she could let me explain...then I could have...

What could I have done, denied everything?

Despite how it looked?

"Now, we have one of the newer members coming next. Francine Bonnefoy is from France and recently moved to Greece for a cultural and spiritual experience," one of the ladies began. That was more or less why I came here, but of course, they wouldn't know.

The room had gotten awkwardly silent. So silent that I could hear my heel creaking across the floorboards. "Thank you! For that um...introduction..." I started. I began taking out my piece of paper to read off of. I did so slowly as the room felt awkward. I suppose it only felt that way because Julia kept staring me down.

Then again, my appearance might have been too much for everyone. Even if Alice was in the back, giving me a thumbs up, that wasn't the case for everyone else. They all stared at me as if I were an alien.

"Well, I...I look forward to this new experience for some of the reasons mentioned. I wanted a cultural and spiritual experience....but also to build connections with the people around me. I haven't been here long but have made five wonderful friends...Madeline, my roommate, her sister, Amelia, My sisters in the Catholic Society...and...my new best friend, Alice. Who has...been a big aspect in my adjustment..." I smiled.

I looked down at the verse I was about to read but paused, seeing Julia suddenly stand up. I could not continue as I saw her begin to approach me. Jesus... "HOW COULD YOU SAY THAT?" She shouted. Everyone turned to her, and I stood still. I didn't bother to feel horrified because I knew what would happen. There was no stopping it; I only hoped it would happen later.

"Hey, we can all civilly talk about this," I tried to speak. However, she began pointing at me, shaking her head. "No...can you hear yourself? You don't care! It is too late! FRANCINE HAS BEEN POSSESSED! By! Her friend! I saw them! They were kissing in the room in the back! THEY ARE LESBIANS!" Julia shouted.

It caused everyone to gasp loudly in a theatrical, cartoonish way.

My brother looked at me, horrified. Amelia and Madeline tried looking around for Alice, but she was in the back, getting stares from the nearby people. I could see in her eyes how uncomfortable and sad it made her feel. Alice really did like me...and had only been made to feel bad about it. I was sure I had made her feel bad too.

I had gotten stares from the people around me, but I didn't care. I was worried about Alice being alone.

"We don't want sinners like you and her in our church! It is disgusting and evil! I'm sure she tempted you into it!" Julia added. She was one of the more conservative and strict ones. However, Carmen only looked at me with disappointment.

"Hey, can we all calm down for a moment?" I spoke, trying to use the microphone in front of me. Some people began to bother Alice, and it made me angry. "Francine? Is this true?" My brother asked.

And, for some reason, this was the moment people finally stopped talking.

All eyes were on me...

Nothing else I could do.

My brother looked disappointed and speechless.

"I..."

I looked at Alice, who stared at me, worried—waiting for me to deny everything. However, that would be lying. Which is a sin, and well, I think I have done enough sinning the past two months.

I refuse to dam myself further into hell. I was sure I was going...I only hoped it wouldn't be as bad as the other parts.

"It's true...Alice and I...we are in love! I love her, and sure, I suppose we are lesbians...I'm not sure...but I love her, and that should be enough," I spoke. I looked down at  the paper with the verse, suddenly feeling angry. So angry that I crumbled it up.

"Are you serious? This isn't something to joke about! You will be damned to hell if you do not repent! We must pray for you! You are possessed! Your friend must be saved!"

"I knew something was wrong with her!"

"It's an illness; she is sick in the head."

"I'd be so ashamed if I were related to her."

"The audacity to bring her little friend here, it is the devil's work."

"They have brought evil into this Church."

This was it...

My breaking point.

I didn't care at all.

I could see the sadness in Alice's eyes, which made me angry. Everyone was stepping away from her as if they could catch her 'illness'.

I finally lost faith...

I lost my religion...

I closed my eyes, trying to keep everything in and trying to slow my heart rate from my sudden unusual anger.

"You know what? No, screw you!"

"Huh!!!!! Francine! Don't cuss in the house of the lord!"

"Fuck this house! I don't want any part of it!" I yelled. My brother was taken aback, and I watched how Amelia and Madeline tried not to laugh now. Alice only looked stunned. "Screw this! Screw you! For telling! Screw you! For that ridiculous outfit! Screw you for never bothering to hear anyone but yourself! And screw you, brother! I'm tired of pretending to be someone I'm not! I don't like boys! I like girls! And everyone here can agree that I'm going to hell! That's fine! I'm going to hell! But at least I won't have to be near any of you judgemental assholes for all of EEETTEEEERNITTY!"

I threw the paper on the floor, stepping down from the stage. "Hey! You get back here! You need to—"

"No! I don't need to do anything! I'm going to hell, right? I've sinned? That's fine! I don't care any more about this stupid religion! At least, in hell, when I burn, I'll be with Alice! Instead of any of you! I'd rather burn in hell than be here. It is better than being sad for the rest of my life and all of eternity!" I snapped.

I pushed past my brother, past everyone else, moving toward Alice. She looked at me, shocked, but I had only pulled her along. I was sure that Amelia and Madeline were going to follow me behind. "Francine?!" Alice spoke, stunned.

"Please, I don't want to talk—"

"You cursed..."

I did...

I cursed.

Once we left the church building, I couldn't help but stare at her sadly as she smiled. I was surprised at how much of a temper tantrum I had shown. They had given me my final straw, which wasn't pretty.