This is a personal documentation through poetry.
I am learning to look inward now, give myself love when I least want to. I do not live to love others, I live to love myself. I will find and create what is enough for me, and you will learn to let it...
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It was a goodbye that came like a waft of air from a door slammed, unprompted. My hair disappeared from hugging my face and the tears started instantaneously. I'll tell you it's for the best, and it really truly is, despite the bodily tremors and drinking at night. Yet with those eyes of yours, I know you could convince me otherwise. And now I'll do this over and over and over. I'll say hello, then I love you, and then goodbye. For the rest of my life, because I was born with female organs and hormones, I am cursed to show others love, I am cursed to be a lesson to boys. So our voices will slowly fade out, the conversation will wilt into a silent stare. And I can't tell you about the sunburn I got when I spoke to you over the phone. I can't tell you about the beach trip I'm going to go on at the end of the month. I can't tell you about my day, or about my week, or about my worries, or about my hopes. And neither can you, because we're saying goodbye. For half of a year, I was yours. You were mine. It was us. There was one future. And in a quick decision to save my mentality, You volunteered to walk yourself home. You rose to the task and finally put me first, And let me say goodbye. I don't know where I'll go from here, but I'll know you'll move hours away, And return to the real happiness that you deserve. You deserve an unfiltered, unconditional love; Unchanged by a damaged brain. And when you feel at peace, I will rest. I will rest.
