Only Kamu (A MeerNa's Fanfiction)

Chapter 8: That Rejection

Eli rushed into her bedroom with an excuse of having a headache. Her Mom knows there's something wrong, but she's decided to leave Eli alone. She knows Eli too well to bombard her with questions at this point of time.

As soon as the bedroom door is closed, Eli throws herself onto the bed and starts breaking down into uncontrollable sobs. Tears run down her face like waterfall. Qeef's proposal feels like a knife stabbing her heart with every word.

If only Qeef knows how much she wanted to accept it, how much she wants to be his, and he, hers. But that could never happen. She finds the strength to sit. Bury her face in her palm, imagining Qeef is standing right there in front of her. She begins to explain to 'Qeef'.

"How can I accept you Qeef, when you're already with someone else? I don't want to be the third person in a relationship. It's too crowded," cries Eli, making her case, with tears streaming down her cheeks.

"You shouldn't have done it Qeef. Things were just fine in our make believe world, when we had to keep our feelings to ourselves and carried on like a real couple in love with a time limit. But we were happy, that way. Now what do I do? How do I go on working with you knowing that what you feel about me is what I feel about you? She will hurt so badly because of me." Eli carries on her monologue with her vision of Qeef right there in the room with her. Telling him what she feels she couldn't tell him earlier.

She regrets beyond words the situation they are in now. The sorrow she felt looking at Qeef's surprised face when she rejected him, his smile when he thought Eli was kidding, watching the smile fade away turning into hurt, seeing his tears, makes her wanna just disappear into thin air never to be seen again.

"You know Qeef, how I longed to hold you, kiss you and hug you when you said all those things to me. But how could I? And now every words you've uttered are tugging at my heartstrings. If you could do this to her, you surely could do this to me too. It's so painful, Qeef. Oh how I wish my heart would just collapse at this very moment, so I could just lie down and die. That way, I don't have to suffer any minute longer." Eli mourns the death of what she wishes she had with Qeef.

"Why am I not the first, Qeef? You've had four years of crushing on me. But why did you have to meet her first instead of me? You're not even mine, but the thought of losing what we had hurts so bad... so bad its killing me! We are not even a real couple and I grieve for losing whatever I have with you." cries Eli lying down, curling herself in a fetal position while weeping quietly into her pillow. She falls asleep only to be awaken every now and again by her own sobs.

—

Morning comes too early for those who dread it. For Eli who hasn't been sleeping much at all, morning comes in a blink of an eye. That's how much she dreads today. She prays real hard that the romantic scene between her and Qeef will be postponed or better yet cancelled. She forces herself out of the bed into the bathroom to get ready for her call time.

Skipping breakfast, she walks like she's been hypnotised into the waiting car. Once in the car, she immediately slips into her own world, oblivious; deaf, dumb and blind of the real world. The next thing she knows is her mom calling her.

"Eli, wake up. Wake up! We're here" calls her mom, shaking her shoulder, thinking that she's fallen asleep.

"Bye mom" says Eli in her stupor, walking out of the car, forgetting to kiss her mom as she would usually do.

"How do I face him today?" That is all she could think of.

—

"What the hell are you doing? What's wrong with you. That was such a short scene, you just needed to act as a dutiful wife, happily tying my tie. Is that so difficult?" Says Qeef raising his voice after the fifth take, where he took hold of Eli's hand, rub her palm softly with his thumb while trying to draw her hand to his chest, and Eli jerked her hand away as if she's disgusted by his touch.

"How do I act happy when you've been grumpy all day. The script calls for us to act lovingly. Can we get over whatever it is and try to deliver?" Pleads Eli, trying to soothe Qeef's anger. Though she's quite irked herself for being yelled at, but her heart sinks real deep knowing that this is entirely her doing. She rejected him!

"Wow... there you go. Get over whatever it is?" Qeef, nodding his head sarcastically. For a minute there he regretted raising his voice to Eli. He didn't understand how he could have lost control like that. But now he does. Eli doesn't seem to have the slightest qualms about it. After all the effort he's put in to propose, she dares call it "whatever it is"!

"Now tell me. How do you go about being loving with an emotionless tree, who has no heart to begin with." he continues, with eyes glaring.

"At least a tree doesn't go around cheating and giving others false hopes. At least a tree doesn't feel the pain of being burned," bursts Eli, trying so hard to control her tears but failing miserably.

"Hey, hey, hey. What's going on here? What are you guys doing? What's wrong with you? Today's shoot is such a disaster. You guys practically destroy every single scene. I can't deal with this anymore. Let's take a break and do lunch now. I don't want any of these when you come back!" calls out Bakri, the director, exasperated with the both of them.

Both Qeef and Eli could only look down at the floor, Eli fidgeting and Qeef clenching his fists, while being chastised by the director. They both are fully aware that it is their fault entirely. There's nothing any of them could say in defence.

Just as Qeef and Eli are about to go their separate ways, Bakri beckons them back.

"Eli, Qeef, listen to me. I'm only gonna give you guys one more break. I'll move your scenes together today, to tomorrow. After lunch, it's gonna be Eli's scene with Remy, since he's already here. I want you guys to sort out whatever problem you have by tonight, or don't bother coming back to work at all, ever again." Says Bakri giving them an ultimatum.

"Actually Qeef, you can go home already since you don't have anymore scenes today" continues Bakri, wishing that Qeef would actually leave, so Eli could focus on her scenes. He has an inkling of what's going on with the two of them, but decides not to step into their personal space, though they have mixed their personal issues with work. Knowing them both pretty well by now, they would surely be back on track real soon.

Qeef walks away not waiting for Bakri to say, "you can go". He can't stand to be near Eli any longer than he needs to. But the minute he's seated on the sofa in the makeshift break room, he misses every single thing about her already. Her enticing smile and sweet laughter which have totally vanished today, her long slender fingers softly caressing his cheeks, the heavenly scent of Dior perfume on her, the full lips that pouts every time he teases her, the big eyes that can snatch his soul right out of his body, the sway of her hips when she walks... In fact, he misses her entire existence.

—

Qeef tries to leave the set without setting eyes on Eli anymore for today, but how could he. Eli is right there in front of him doing a scene with Remy. He so badly wants to go and not hurt himself any further. But just how does he do that when his eyes are glued on the scene.

The scene is about Remy presenting Eli with a box of brownies, which Eli seems so happy to get. There's also Remy wiping away the smudge at the bottom of her lips, softly using his fingers. Qeef's blood is at a boiling point. But watching how natural Eli and Remy working on the romantic scene, right in front of him makes him realise it could after all be totally his fault.

"I'm sorry Eli, it is my fault. Everything is my fault. I've misread all the clues. Now I fully understand that you've actually fallen in love with my character. Not me." Qeef surrenders. A realisation that breaks his heart into a thousand pieces. Bleeding profusely in the inside.

"I never fully realized what it meant to hurt [to truly hurt] until I wanted you to such a great extent, only to have no other choice but to convince myself that I didn't." - JL

To be continued