newtmas oneshots

youtiful (my miracle)

**youtiful - straykids** (i highly recommend listening to this song while reading this. it's one of my favourite songs and you'll see why)
TW: mentions of attempted su!c!d3

knocking on newt's door and hearing the faint "come in", thomas poked his head slowly through the door, cracking it open slightly instead of busting into newt's room.

earlier this morning, minho found newt dangling from his shin, which was twisted in a bad way and entangled in the vines along the walls of the maze. after being treated for his wound, thomas helped newt to his room, where the blonde had asked for some time alone.

"i'll bring you dinner later love, rest up."

newt had been through so much to even begin explaining. thomas was now aware of that. and he wanted to let newt know that he is never alone in this cruel maze. newt sat on his bed, probably still in denial that his attempt did not work. he had a painful expression on his face when he slowly raised his head to look at thomas, who was holding a bowl of frypan's soup. thomas saw newt's face and set the bowl down on his table, then walked up to the edge of newt's bed, kneeling in front of him.

newt took a breath, he desperately needed to tell someone about his struggles in the maze, both as a lost boy still unsure of everything and second-in-command who was supposed to be in charge when alby isn't.

(cue the song)
"looking at myself, a lot goes in my mind. i don't know if i'm ready to show myself. it gets harder every day to pretend to be okay."

newt didn't bother to hide the fact that he was crying. he was broken. he worries day and night that he is unable to meet up to the expectations of being in the glade.

"oh my love, look at the stars falling, they must be an oracle, like a waterfall, they shower you with love tonight. cause you are perfect in my eyes, don't ever doubt yourself. i know that feeling too, ive been inside the dark."

newt looked up at thomas and whispered, " but ive never been so empty and hopeless before. i dont know what to do. i'm scared."

that made thomas reach forward and gently hold newt's hands in his. he rubbed his thumb softly against the back of newt's hand and continued,

"you know, whenever there's a chance i will tell you that you're amazing as you are, cause when you give me a glance i'm sure that i can see the universe in your eyes. don't ever tell yourself that you're not enough, you are a miracle."

"a miracle?"

thomas nodded, "you are youtiful"

newt's eyes glistened with tears as thomas said all those sweet things to him. it really made him feel better but he still wasn't sure how to combat his depression. thomas sensed that newt was phasing back to his self doubt and immediately started soothing him again.

"let me tell a little story, about the star that couldn't shine or blink. out of a million, a billion, he felt like an alien. then that little star was surely, going to become the biggest thing. making a fantasy, family, beautiful galaxy. 'Cause you are more than beautiful, one of a kind. just know I'm always by your side. you know, whenever there's a chance, i will tell you that you're perfect as you are. 'cause when you turn to look my way, i can see the galaxy in your eyes. you are my miracle, and you are youtiful. you are beautiful."

newt was truly grateful for thomas's heartwarming words, but he couldn't help but let the depression get the better of him.

"tomorrow's another day, and i dont wanna leave the bed. i dont wanna see my tear stained face again like i do every morning."

newt looked down at their intertwined hands and sighed deeply. he tightened his grip on thomas's hand and never let go. thomas had so much more to say to newt, and he wasn't going to stop.

"i know that you've been cold this whole time, but now I'm here to make it end. i have never felt happiness until i met you newt. i hate that my world is feeling like this. you are a miracle newt, it's a blessing, an absolute blessing to have you in my life. i could never imagine my life without you now, and i hate that you feel this way. if i could kiss every pain of yours away i would and i would do it in a heartbeat. you are my miracle, you are my world, you are my universe. take as much time as you need to recover, my love. you've done enough, you can rest now."

newt was in tears again. no one ever said things like this to him before. ever since thomas came, his whole world became a shade brighter.

"can you stay with me tonight? i dont wanna be alone right now."

thomas smiled and laid down next to newt. brushing the blonde locks out of newt's face, thomas planted a gentle kiss on newt's forehead, saying,

"i'll stay with you any night. goodnight my miracle, rest well."

a/n: had to come back on to post this because i was listening to this song and it made me think of newtmas and you guys. this song makes me cry every time and i dedicate it to every one who's struggling with anything right now wherever you are. i love yall so so much 🤍 my platform will always be around for you as a safe space. i meant every word i wrote in this, not just copying the lyrics over. i hope you have an amazing day/night ahead my lovelies ❤️