newtmas oneshots

carry you

**carry you - ruelle**
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the air was solemn, it was cold.

tears hit the ground, eyes were closed.

chuck was gone, he saved thomas.
Winston was gone, he was infected.
every other glader that werent with them, they were left behind.

remembering them in his memory was like a stab to his heart every time, he didn't want to remember them, he wanted them to be with him, physically. thomas hated himself, constantly blaming himself for letting so many lives get lost. he sat by himself, away from the group, he didn't want them to see him break and stared out into the horizon, at the vast emptiness.

for some reason he convinced himself that he had to stay strong, no matter what. as he buried his head into his hands, footsteps approached him. the figure sat down beside thomas and said nothing at first. through the corner of his eye, thomas saw the lock of blonde hair, the soft flowy hair that he loves to run his hands through. knowing it was newt made thomas relax his body a little. he didn't have the energy to acknowledge newt, so he just sat there with him beside, embracing the comfortable silence.

"tommy.. will you look at me? please?" how could anyone say no to that sweet, gentle voice? thomas slowly turned his head to face newt, and the second he did, newt's face dropped a little. thomas's eyes were red and puffy from the crying, his lips quivering. newt pulled thomas into his arms, gently rubbing his head and saying sweet comforting words to him.

**song starts here**
"i know it hurts, that it's hard to breathe sometimes. these nights have been long and you've lost the will to fight. but there is someone out there, ready to lead us to the light. there is a place for us somewhere out there tommy, i don't know where but i'm sure there is. we'll be alright. you'll be alright. you are not alone, i've been here the whole time and i won't be going anywhere. i will carry your burdens, your happiness, your strengths and your weaknesses. you can't give up tommy, i won't let you."

thomas is sobbing now, but not only because of newt's words, but because he can't remember how to shine, how bring people hope of a better place somewhere in the mountains if he himself doesn't believe in it anymore. his heart is like a bird, but trapped, without its wings to fly. every night, he prays and he mumbles to the sky, "is anybody out there? can you take this weight of mine? is anybody out there? can you lead me to the light?" thinking back to when he first started out in the glade, to this very moment being in newt's arms, he was indeed never alone.

newt, chuck, winston, minho, frypan, they were all there with him, and singing along to his melody, following him on his adventure. and now, he carries the hopes of all the gladers who are with him right now, as well the ones who were lost in the battle. thomas sighs and pushes himself off of newt, looking at newt, his eyes shimmering with the tears that have yet to fall.

"i'm so scared that i'm just leading you guys through a meaningless fantasy chase. what if there is no place for us, what if we all die out here?"

thomas was terrified, and newt could tell. he gently reached forward and held thomas's hand in his. he grazed his thumb soothingly across the back of thomas's hand, that simple action enough to make thomas calm down from his anxious high.

"you are not alone, i've been here the whole time, and i'll continue to be here for every step of the way. even if we d!e out here, at least we tried. that's more important. i'd rather d!e out here than d!e in the maze or at the hands of wckd.  home is where the heart is, anywhere can be our home tommy, it could even be under this rock of we wanted it to. wherever we go, when it feels right, that's our home. that's our safe space. and as long as you're there, it'll always be my safe space and my home. i will carry you."

he embraced thomas one more time and gave him a soft peck in his hair, whispering for the last time in his ear, "you are not alone, i'm by your side all the way."