"You obsessed, Riv?"
"Always have and always will and nothing is going to change that."
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Ella Reid the girl that fakes a smile, a laugh and answers with "No, I'm fine." But on the inside, she's slowly losing the hold on life that she once had.
...
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Song: deadroses by blackbear
I looked through the list that River had given me yesterday after class.
I was sitting at my desk, highlighting all of the things in my old notebook that I was going to use to tutor River, when my phone buzzed.
I let out a sigh as I pulled my eyes away from the words I had written in my notebook and over to my phone. My eyes dragged across the message.
Idiot🙄: Do you think we can study tonight?
I read. My heart beats a bit faster. He always had that effect on me.
Even after what he said when I was 14, My eye glanced at the clock, seeing that it was already 9:30 p.m, and back at my phone.
I bit the inside of my cheek, trying to decide if I should even answer. My hands hovered over my screen.
Before I could even fully make a decision, I was already pressing send. Fucking hell. I thought to myself as I read over what I had said.
Me: You just love to bug me, don't you, Riv?
Idiot🙄:It's is quite fun actually.
I roll my eyes and type a quick sure that I will study with him tonight only if he buys me lunch tomorrow and with which he agreed.
Idiot🙄:Be there in 5
Nix purred at my feet as she rubbed her body against my leg. I brush my hand down the length of her spine before getting up from the spot at my desk.
I look in the mirror, making sure that I don't look like a complete wreck. My long brown hair was in a messy braid.
I wore a hoodie with plaid pajama pants. It wasn't like I was going anywhere in public. What am I kidding? I would wear this in public.
Sometimes I wish I was like June and Amira. They always looked like they tried to look decent, while I, on the other hand, don't.
I didn't have the energy to try to care about what other people thought of me.
The only thing I could care about was if I was a burden to my family. I don't want to burden anyone with my own thoughts and feelings.
Because they are my own burden, my own enemy. Having depression is like a never-ending battle. You can never win.
Maybe you can push it off for a little while, but it always comes back, consuming every thought and infecting the oxygen in your lungs, making you not want to move or breathe in the toxins that your own body has created.
People really don't understand what depression can do. It's like a virus; it takes over your mind, consuming your thoughts.
It can change the way you think, feel, and look at the world.
