Find me (English)

Memories

9 months earlier

"Look but ... what was that look?" I elbowed her in the hospital corridor.

She changed color and began to babble.
"What, which one? I don't know what you're talking about!"

I smiled at her, narrowing my eyes as if I were focusing her.
" Come on Jessy. You just can't lie to me, I know you! Plus you just blushed," I pointed my index finger at her forehead and pushed it back at her with an amused air.

"But that's not true. I mean, yeah, okay. A little bit. Just a little bit though." I burst out laughing in her face this time.

We had gone to the hospital to visit Lilly and to finally meet baby Dan in miniature. What a surprise it was to find out that a baby girl had been born. They had not wanted to know beforehand and so bets were on.

Only Cleo Had guessed. They had named her Eleanor. And what a laugh to see Dan, the look on his face, as he wandered around confusedly holding a far too large leather jacket wondering what he was going to do with it.

"Come on Dan, women wear leather jackets too," I told him as I spun around on myself with my arms out to indicate what I was wearing.

Yes okay it was Phil's and it was really to big for me but by now it had become a habit in the daylight to steal his stuff to have his scent with me when we were in two different places.

It was there, in Lilly's room, that I first noticed a strange exchange of glances between her and bluer-than-usual blue-eyed new uncle, who, clumsy as any, was holding his niece in the same manner and expression with which he would hold an anti-tank mine.

It was she herself who came to his rescue by touching him to position his arms correctly, and not content, she disheveled his hair by sticking her hand in it to the cry of "there, now you're a real uncle!"

That was the way she was, she had these spontaneous without any premeditated ulterior motive, and he really liked this. I had seen him watching her several times that day. They would have been really cute together. They would have fit together perfectly. She overwhelming and spontaneous and he thoughtful and shy. I decided that I would arrange a dinner sometime.

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Present

By some strange coincidence that night, the night I had had dinner with them, I had not worn anything of his, of Phil, despite the fact that he was not with me. As if it had been bad luck for me not to have done so. At least I could have smelled his scent, but in the end I thought it was for the best. Because if I wanted him, I had to get out of there.

"What do you think I can do for you?"

"You will find out soon enough," he replied.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The pleasure he had felt when he had seen the blood coming out of the freshly made cut was equal to the same astonishment on her face. It was strong he had to admit; he had not made a single sound. True, too, that he had not pushed his hand. It was just-as in, a taste of what he could do to her. He hoped she would not force him to do it to those other two little girl, that this was enough. For now.

"You, must get my computer back to me quickly and securely. Now, I don't care how, you find the way but, I will warn you of one thing. If I find that you are trying to screw me, it will be the last thing you do. And no. I will not kill you even though I would like to. I will leave you alive and take your partner. Maybe even his pretty little sister. "

He could not help but notice that this outing of his made her eyes glaze over. He was satisfied to see that he had found the right key.

"I'll give you 24 hours to think after which I'll come back and if you haven't found a way to do it, know that you won't like it at all. But maybe Markus will like it," and he gave her a sadistic smile as he ran the blade flat across her cleavage.

He then used her to cut the ropes with which she had been tied, not before reminding her not to play tricks. She did not move.

She wondered what she was thinking about with her gaze lost in the void, whether what awaited her in case she refused or what would befall her affections. Human feelings were not her forte; her knowledge of them was limited to fear and gratitude.

The rest, he did not understand or even experience firsthand. He considered them the stuff of losers.  He put his shiny jewel back in the bag, closed it, and without ever turning his back on her, walked out of the room and closed the door, leaving her alone.

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             ***     Jessy's pov    ***

I felt like crying. Just when everything seemed to be going well. When each of us had found our way to happiness, including me. I was desperate, really, the pain of all we had been through had not been enough, now this too.

I also felt like crying because I usually found ways to try to lift everyone's spirits, but not this time. I would look at my brother and his despair and find nothing to say that made sense.

After he had thrown that punch on the wall he had closed himself in silence, furious but looking into the void, typical of someone who is thinking a thousand things and has lost touch with everything around him. Probably if I had spoken to him he would not have even heard me.

And so I couldn't help but rest my hand on his after sitting down next to him. He took it between his and squeezed it me. And that gave me an idea of how upset he really was. He had clung to my hand as if I had been a lifeline in the middle of the sea.

He who was always confident, who was invincible in my eyes, was afraid this time. And then there was Jake, also looking lost at the window. Then just like that, without saying a word he had disappeared into Hailey's office.

I would have liked to hold hands with both of them. He was definitely hurting too because she had been an important part of his life, and no, I am not jealous, how could I ever be?

In fact...I didn't even want to accept the fact that I was having a crush on him. Yes, a crush, I had classified it that way. I found it really disrespectful of me to feel anything for him after what he had been for her. And so I spent weeks pretending that I didn't care.

Until she caught me staring at him, like a schoolgirl. Silly me, how could I hide it from her who knows me so well? Where are you Hailey, the world collapses if you're not there, and I, alone can't keep it. I am not like you. I am afraid.