Find me (English)

I fucking hate her

He had sent her that bouquet knowing full well that she would not see it, since he still considered her more of dead than alive. But it was something he found funny. Maybe they would put it on her bedside table. His tribute...funeral. He had planned ahead. He had gotten himself a nurse's uniform, would mingle with the staff.

No one knew him anyway, and even in case one of those little girls had mentioned an accomplice, she would have mentioned Markus, tall big and blond. Whereas he was no longer like that. He had bought a nice knife in an armory. Firearms made too much noise and attracted attention. For her he had bought the best, she deserved the best. Not a stupid kitchen knife. She deserved expensive stuff.

He had come in, explained that he needed to give a gift to his brother who was into hunting. And he needed a nice, strong knife, one suitable for opening a fawn or something like that.

"He knows what he's going to hunt, I hate blood, at best I'm into Netflix series," he told the clerk who even found him sympathetic.

He walked away with his pretty little jewel humming the refrain of a song he had heard a couple of times and had come back to him that morning.
"...I fucking hate her to death..."

                ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Alan cursed the moment he had listened to her to set up that trap. As soon as he was made aware of the matter of the bouquet of flowers, he found himself confronted by a rather nervous Phil who had shown up in his office. She begged him to calm down because she did not want to have to lock him up again.

"Phil I'm serious. You need to calm down. You like this story as much as I do. But it's the only way to find him. I guarantee we won't leave her alone, but now you have to back off. I'll allow you to stay with her during the day but we'll take turns at night."

"I have to calm down? I have to calm down?
She almost fucking died! No, I will not move from her room. They beat the shit out of her and.... Let it go. -she ran her hand over the top of her nose and then over the rest of her face -Easy to say! What would you have done if it had been Cleo huh? Come on tell me!" She paced back and forth across the room and you could tell she was trying to hold back.

Alan understood that. He understood it very well. More than he might have thought. And precisely because he understood it, he was trying to protect him as well as her. Because what the other Alan had done, he could not do. He knew that if he could he would have done it and that was precisely why it had to be avoided. She tried again to make him understand that.

"Philip maybe I failed to explain myself. It is as dangerous for you as it is for her. You are not a policeman. You can't take private justice. Do you understand that if you kill him, not that it wouldn't be right eh, you're in the shit? Do you want to go to jail? Be my guest. You want to leave her alone for 20 years? Be my guest. You want to get yourself killed and leave her alone forever? Be my guest. But you go tell her, not me!" He went from a calm and quiet start to raising his voice by punching the desk.

Phil knew he was right. About everything. He just didn't want to leave her alone. Or maybe he just didn't want to leave her. He was the one who didn't want to be alone.  She didn't need his protection, not at that juncture. The protection she needed was armed professionals. He was the one who actually needed her. Needed to see her alive, needed to hold her hand, needed to know that that experience had not affected how she felt about him. He was afraid of losing her. But he convinced himself. He knew that if anything happened, he would lose his mind and screw up. So all he could do was step aside.

"And that's fine. You're right. But I'll stay during the day." He left that room and went home to take Cerberus for a walk.

                       ~~~~~~~~~~~~

No one paid any attention to the new nurse over the next few days, not even the staff themselves. It was a teaching hospital, after all, and new faces were the order of the day. Only one cleaner noticed him, thinking to herself that he was cute, dark-haired, athletically built, and had incredible eyes. But someone like him would never look at her so she kept vacuuming the hall carpet and soon forgot about him.

~~~~~~~~~~~

He had looked for her in the ICU and had not found her. So he had returned over the next few days to try to find out if she had already died on her own, which caused him a mixture of pleasure and dissatisfaction. He would have liked to take her life himself, to see her bleed out before his eyes. It was not easy to get information. Then again, he could not simply ask as if nothing had happened.

"hey sorry by any chance is that bitch dead yet?" he laughed imagining the scene in a silly black humor of his own.
But he couldn't even access a terminal because he didn't have the access codes and would be conspicuous. So he decided that all he had left was to go around all the departments to check room by room. That was how he found her. He had been going around the corridors for a while now, pretending to be very busy, but after all, in a teaching hospital everyone was. And at the last door in the corridor, before the stairs and not too far from the elevator he heard her. Her voice. And he was laughing with another woman whose appearance was a mystery, until the moment when she walked out with remarkable timing and ended up right on top of him, risking detection.

"Sorry, sorry, I didn't see you, forgive me...Sebastian," she concluded, reading the card. And she gave him one of her smiles, a big and sincere one, a la Jessy for short.

He, Sebastian, thought she was really pretty. But that, too bad, he had no time to waste.

He smiled at her, gave her a bow, and stepped aside to let her pass.