𝖲𝗎𝗋𝗏𝗂𝗏𝖺𝗅 | 𝖧𝖺𝗈𝖻𝗂𝗇

Chapter 32:

The other members had been made aware of the situation as soon as possible also, as they were gathered in the living room waiting for the two last members to arrive.

When they heard the click of the door, all of them stood up.

Hanbin walked in first, his expression unreadable.

Zhanghao was right behind him, his head hung low and his hands balled in fists.

"I'll let you guys talk for some time. I'll be back in half an hour" Manager said, leaving and closing the door behind her.

"Are you guys okay?" Gyuvin broke the silence, stepping forward. Matthew went to wrap his arms around Hanbin, patting his hair.

"Hao hyung..." Yujin whispered, embracing the older boy, who had been crying silently this entire time.

"Please don't cry" Yujin whimpered, afraid he'd start crying soon too.

Soon, they were all joined in a big group hug.

"You know you didn't do anything wrong, right?" Jiwoong asked the two, serious.

"We did" Zhanghao mumbled.

"No, you didn't. Loving each other isn't wrong" Taerae frowned, wondering why Zhanghao thought otherwise.

"They said we could've had a permanent contract with another company, there were many interested people. Non Manager Noona isn't sure if they still want to keep ZB1 after this scandal" Zhanghao explained, silencing the whole room instantly.

"Hao please stop. This isn't your fault. If it has to be someone's, it's mine" Hanbin turned towards Zhanghao, and everyone else instinctively stepped behind.

"I shouldn't have agreed, fuck" Zhanghao whispered so so silently, but Hanbin still heard it.

And he wasn't going to let it slide this time.

"Are you saying we shouldn't have gotten together? We shouldn't have kissed that one time? Are you saying you shouldn't have started loving me?" Hanbin spoke, not realizing that his voice was getting louder and louder.

The rest of the members were left stunned, as they stared wide eyed at the couple.

"I'm saying that this is all my fault! I don't give two fucks about my own reputation, if my future is ruined or not. But theirs! They, they are so talented and young and full of potential and it tears me apart that it's my fault if they can't be successful! I stained their names with my recklessness!" Zhanghao snapped, the tears spilling over and over, his voice raspy.

"Why the hell are you saying it's only your fault?! I'm involved in this too, aren't I? Do you think I don't feel as guilty as you? Because I fucking do. I do, and it hurts me. But we can't do anything about it right now, so please let's not fight. What's done is done" Hanbin tried to calm himself down a bit.

"You're right. It's only five months left anyways" there it was.

The sound of Hanbin's heart shattering again.

"What is that supposed to mean?" Hanbin muttered, a lump forming in his throat.

Nobody was moving, and nobody was making a sound. They were even scared to breathe.

"Come on Hanbin. Let's be real. We didn't even talk about what would happen to us after this. I've told you since the start. After this is done, i'm going back to china. You have your life here, your friends here, your family. But mine are all in China. Besides ZB1, I have no one here. There is no reason for me to stay after"

Maybe Zhanghao and Hanbin were like tangent lines. Destined to meet once and then forced to part Forever.

"Fuck you, sincerely" Hanbin let out an airless chuckle, but it wasn't funny at all. He was crying, too.

Before Zhanghao could say anything else, Hanbin had left for his room, slamming the door behind him.

Zhanghao looked over to the other members, whose expressions were sad, and Yujin was even about to cry.

Zhanghao grabbed his jacket, and headed out of the door, going who knows where.

———

"Hao, why are you calling me this late?" The soft voice of his mother across the phone managed to calm him down the slightest bit, as he stared up at the stars.

He was on the rooftop of a random building.

"I messed up" He said, not knowing what to do anymore. He was lost.

"What happened?" She asked, her voice full of concern when she heard her son's exhausted tone.

"M-mom, I love him" He cried, placing his head in his hands, still holding his phone close to his ear.

"Is it Hanbin?" Zhanghao had never officially told his mother about Hanbin, but she had figured it out on her own. She was the only person besides Hanbin after all — who knew him like the back of her hand.

"Someone caught us kissing and posted a picture. Mom— we could've been a permanent group. But this, it ruins everything"

"Oh, dear, have you talked about it with him?"

"We fought. I said some pretty bad s-shit" he mumbled, staring at the tears stains on his jeans.

"What did you say?"

"Hanbin had said that we couldn't do anything about it anyways because what's done is done, and then I just— I said that it didn't matter a-anyways because we have only 5 months left."

"Mom, he looked so fucking hurt, I think I have a non fixable hole in my heart. He asked me what I meant by that, and I told him that I would've gone back to china after ZB1 is done. This was my plan. As much as I like Korea, this isn't my home. Yes, I might not like China as much as I like it here, but the feeling is different. My friends and family are in China. Hanbin's are here."

"Baby, you need to figure out if you want to stay with him for a long long time. Do you want him by your side every day? Do you want to wake up in the morning and see his face first thing? Are you willingly to give him up, only because I live here? Let's be honest, Hao. You aren't even in contact with your old friends anymore. Me, your aunt and grandma will be alright here. You have the opportunity to be happy there. Why give it up?" She spoke, every word piercing Zhanghao like an arrow straight in the heart.

"I don't want to leave you there alone. Ever since dad left, you've been so lonely I can't stand it. It was already painful enough to leave to pursue my dreams. I can't move here permanently" the truth was, Zhanghao was scared.

His father had divorced his mom when he was 15 years old, leaving them alone and without anything to live for. They only had each other.

Zhanghao didn't want to abandon his mother like his father did.

"Hao, your auntie is here with me. Grandma too"

"But mom, Grandma can barely even recognize you anymore, and auntie is sick. I-I just can't leave you there alone—" Zhanghao cried, hearing his mother sigh.

"Auntie will be alright, her sickness isn't that bad." Zhanghao didn't believe her. He couldn't.

"Listen, haohao. If you really don't feel like leaving me here alone while auntie is sick, you can come and help me take care of here until she gets better. But after, I want you to go back to Korea. Zhanghao, you have to admit it to yourself. Your roots lay in China, but your heart now lays in Korea. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with that."

"I love you, mom"

"I couldn't be more proud than this, Hao. You're such a good son, please just remember to always do what feels right. Follow your heart, Hao. I Love you too, my baby" She sniffled silently, wishing she could wrap her arms around her sweet boy and protect him from all the harm in this world.

—-
Kind of a sad chapter, I know.