love& hate in the bull pin

11

Max's POV

It has been a few weeks now and there's still no word on the shooters and I was getting scared. I got up from my desk and made it outside to have a cigarette, letting the smoke burn the back of my throat "shouldn't be smoking son" I pulled the cigarette out of my mouth "well I would have a drink but we are working" "how are things going between you, Jay and Erin" "I went to see Justin the other day" "did you find the answers you were looking for" "not really I got more questions than answers" he nodded his head "can I have one" I gave him my carton of cigarettes he pulled one out and I lit it up for him "but for real you, Jay and Erin what's going on there" "hell I don't even know half of the time we don't talk unless it's needed. I don't go to Molly's seems they go there, I skip lunch if they are buying" "so you leaving early today or are you staying late" I took in my smoke "I don't know I think I'll leave early then come back later I just can't work around those too. I'm thinking of selling up and moving." Dad looked at me with a what the fuck look on his face "don't look at me like that you know I've got nothing here besides you have your daughter back." "And I have my son" "really because the first time I left for a few years you didn't bother to call or come to one of my shows" "Erin needed me son" "and I didn't? I needed my father when I almost got kidnapped, I needed my father when I had no one else, I needed my father when I hit rock bottom and where were you when I needed you the most dad" I put my smoke out and walked inside. Everyone was talking and laughing I walked in the break room, closed the door and pulled the blinds shut.

Jay's POV

I had just watched Max walk into the break room it looks like he had been crying or on the edge of crying. I walked up to the door and open, closed it right behind me "Max are you alright" "I'm fine" "come on Max you don't need to hide from me" "can you just give me a minute" "no this is a public space so we are going to talk" max just went pushed me so I grabbed his arm and that was a big mistake on my end. Before I knew it I was on the ground and blood coming out of my nose.

Max's POV

I had just walked out of the break room and into dad's office I pulled my phone out and rang my sergeant. "Max long time no hear how have you been." "Do you really got to ask" "well you got shot, become famous and now you're ring me and I'm guessing this is a social call so what's up" "can I come back to the rangers the soonest" "I can get you on a plane this Friday at 4pm how does that sound to you" I look at the date today is Wednesday "that gaves me enough time to get everything in order" "great see you soon" "my god bless you and give you a safe pass" I end the call and walk out of dad's office "Max what was that phone call all about" I look around the room "I'm leaving" "son I thought you said you were thinking about it" "I made my mind up I leave in a couple of weeks" I walk to my desk to grab my things to leave "Max wait up" I look to see Antonio coming "are you sure about this" "yes I am and you can't stop me from doing what's right" "what about us what about me" I just started to walk away "we can talk about this later Antonio" I didn't even look at him I was on a mission.

I had just told Matt that I was going away for a while and that I want him to stay in the house and to look after it. He was a bit heart broken to hear that I was leaving this Friday "so who knows that you're leaving" "the team but they don't know that I'm leaving this Friday" "so you told them the truth and lied at the same time" "I hate good-byes" "then why tell me" "we live together and this isn't a good bye more of a see you later probably a lot later but still you get the point" he nodded his head "I - I - I have written everyone a letter even one for you I want you to give it to them on Saturday at 4pm. It will tell them everything I want them to know" I handed the letters to Matt "right I better start packing my bags" I got up from the kitchen chair. Looking at the guitar knowing how hard it's going to be to leave it here. I pick it up from the stand and start to sing

It'll be fine by dusk light I'm telling you, baby
These things eat at your bones and drive your young mind crazy
But when you place your head between my collar and jaw
I don't know much but there's no weight at all
And I'm damned if I do and I'm damned if I don't
'Cause if I say I miss you I know that you won't
But I miss you in the mornings when I see the sun
Something in the orange tells me we're not done
To you I'm just a man, to me you're all I am
Where the hell am I supposed to go?
I poisoned myself again
Something in the orange tells me you're never coming home
I need to hear you say you've been waitin' all night
There's orange dancing in your eyes from bulb light
Your voice only trembles when you try to speak
Take me back to us dancing, this wood used to creak
To you I'm just a man, to me you're all I am
Where the hell am I supposed to go?
I poisoned myself again
Something in the orange tells me you're never coming home
To you I'm just a man, to me you're all I am
Where the hell am I supposed to go?
I poisoned myself again
Something in the orange tells me you're never coming home
If you leave today, I'll just stare at the way
The orange touches all things around
The grass, trees and dew, how I just hate you
Please turn those headlights around
Please turn those headlights around

Friday 3pm

I had just gotten out of the cab seems I didn't want anyone around to see me go not even Matt. I started walking to the doors when I heard "leaving with out saying goodbye" I turned around to see all of the 21 district and fire house 51 standing there all lined up and saluting me. I raised my arm up and then lowered it. I know this isn't a goodbye but it feels like it.