Happy Ending (MattxMello)

20. Second

Matt
I get it now, I understand. He's got a plan, one that has about a ninety percent chance of killing him and I can't stop him. All I can do now is come with, spending all of my time with him while I still can because, as per usual, absolutely nothing I can say will make him change his mind. Nothing.

It's dark and I'm not sure if it's actually dark in this little room or if my mind has put a dark veil over my vision. My laptop sits on the coffee table in front of me switched off like everything else, while Mello sits on the opposite end of the table, chocolate bar in hand. I know he didn't call me in here to have a light hearted conversation.
"Mells?" I question softly when he puts his hand on mine and asks me to switch off my game for a second.
"Matt, we need to talk." My heart races at seeing the seriousness in his ice blue eyes.
"I need you to know a few things before I start, really important things, okay?" His voice is cracking while he speaks and he looks up, obviously trying to avoid the tears that are sure to come anyway. My stomach drops.
"Mells..."
"No, Matt. I need to do this." He's not mad but his tone scares me, I just nod. "First, I love you Matt. I always have and I always will, no matter what." He brings the chocolate to his mouth but decides against it and places the barely eaten bar on the table next to my laptop. He clears his throat, "Second, you're my best friend and the only family I've had for a long time and I want to thank you for that. I couldn't ask for anything better." He breaks eye contact for a second and let's a tear slide down his cheek. I make a move towards him, "No, no it's okay Matt. Really, don't worry about me." I sit back down hesitantly and try to fight back the tears. I won't make this worse for him than it already is. Wiping his tears away, he goes on, telling me his plan and telling me how much he loves me over and over.

When he's done, we sit in silence. I walk over to him without saying a word and hug him to me, stroking his hair and making sure that he can't see the tears streaming down my face. "I-" The simple words won't come out, my voice breaking as my heart does. He looks up at me and I know I can't prevent it anymore. This is the first and last time Mello will ever see me cry.

Mello
His usually smiling green eyes are glistening with tears and his perfectly freckled cheeks are shining, covered in the salty liquid. It dawns on me that I haven't ever seen Matt cry before. I hate it. As beautiful as he is, he's much better when he's smiling. I expected him to fight with me, to scream and shout and tell me how stupid I'm being but he doesn't. He hugs me and makes me feel better when he's the one that's hurting. When I'm the one who hurt him. Why? Because he's a far better person than I could ever hope to be.
Wiping his tears he smiles at me and says, "So, what's my job?" He tilts his head slightly and continues smiling at me, "Stay here and don't get killed."
His smile fades, "Mello, we both know you need me to help you with this. You've got nobody else." He's right of course, I was going to do it by myself. I don't want him involved.
"So...? Let me help you, if only for the last time." His voice breaks on the last words and he smiles again, the smile never reaching his eyes. So I do it. I give him a job that requires only two things, throwing a smoke bomb as a distraction and getting out of there as fast as possible. Matt's not supposed to die, he's supposed to live and benefit the world. He'd say the same about me, no doubt, but for once he'd be wrong. My story was a tragedy from the beginning and no good tragedy has a happy ending.

We're twelve, sitting in our room. Matt's playing with his Gameboy and I've got a book in front of me. "Matt?"
"Yeah?" He says without looking up.
"What do you wanna be? When you grow up I mean."
Still not looking up he smiles and says, "A video game designer, I got a feeling they'll need me sooner or later. You?"
"Easy, I wanna be the new L, but you knew that." He's gonna be a video game designer. I don't doubt it. He's gonna be anything he wants and he's gonna be great at it, I just know it. The world needs more people like Matt but I guess we're all just lucky enough to have him.

A tear slides down my already wet cheek at the memory. He had plans for the future, he was going to be something and I... I messed it up. I'd always known that Matt was smarter than me, probably more intelligent than Near even, but he'd never acted on it. Whether because he cared too little or even possibly too much, I'll never know. Matt was supposed to be the new L, Matt was supposed to be somebody, he was supposed to do something. I took him away from everyone else and selfishly made him mine, when I so clearly don't deserve him. He deserves better and I know it. I was never really going to be anything, I've done everything I can and all I'll ever be is second. Second to Near, second to Matt. Second.