Happy Ending (MattxMello)

15. Harsh Truths

Mello
I pause the movie we're watching, I can't concentrate on anything anymore. I'm fiddling with the ring around my neck. "What the hell Mihael?"
"What would you do if I died?" I need to know. I need to know that if I have to go through with my plan to beat Near he won't do anything stupid. "What? Don't be stupid Mells, you're not gonna die."
"But what if I do? What would you do if I died tomorrow?"
"I don't know. I just... Mells, are you planning something?"
"My work is dangerous and I just need to be one hundred percent sure that you won't like, kill yourself or something."
"Before I say anything else, what makes you think that I would do that?"
"Nothing. Nothing."
"No it's not nothing, you genuinely think you have a reason to think I would just kill myself. I can tell."
"I... I found your suicide note. From just before I came back." He's slow to react to this. "What? Where? When?"
"Just after I got out of the hospital I was cleaning up around your desk and I found a whole bunch of crumpled up papers and I..." I started crying then, remembering everything it had said, knowing that if I hadn't showed up when I did Matt just wouldn't be here. He would've actually committed suicide just because I was gone for a few months, so what if I actually died? Would it be the same? He would just stop taking his anti-depressants and kill himself? I need to know that he won't do that, that he'll be okay. When I'm gone. "Oh God, Mells. I'm so sorry."

Matt
"I need to know that you won't kill yourself if I die. I need to know that you'll be okay Matt. Please?" His voice is strained and desperate. He's wrapping the chain around his neck around each of his fingers slowly over and over again. I wish I could lie to him, for his sake... But I don't lie, especially not to myself. "I would. I'd kill myself if you died Mells, I'm not going to lie to you this time. You're the only family I have and if you were gone I'd have nothing to live for anymore." He cries harder at my words, hearing the truth behind them. "Oh God, Matt. I don't want you to do that, please? Oh God, please?" He pauses for a minute then looks up at my stubborn expression. "Tell me you won't do it! Tell me you won't Matt!" He's screaming at me now between his desperate sobs. "I'm not going to fuck around with you anymore Mihael, I'm going to tell you the truth and that is it. We either die together or I die alone. If you die, I die." I can't comfort him this time.

He slept on the couch that night and he didn't speak to me the next day, he just lay on the couch, silent tears running down his face while he stared at something I couldn't see. I couldn't bring myself to regret my words, he needed to know the truth. Maybe I am as numb as I've always thought. I picked him up and put him in bed with me on the second night, not saying a word. We spoke on the third day but didn't mention the dark truth I know is hurting him and on the fourth day he informed me that we would be following Near to Japan. He was formal when he told me, simply stating his plans without room for arguments. It was never the same after that, he was cold towards me, only telling me plans and times. I tried a few times to apologize for the fight, not for telling him the truth. I refuse to apologize for telling him the truth, however harsh it may seem.