Happy Ending (MattxMello)

5. Coffee and Chocolate

Matt
We worked hard in the weeks after we moved in together, barely ever taking breaks. I itch to play my games but I know that Mello needs this, so I do what he wants. He obsessively makes calls, pacing angrily around the apartment every time, I track and watch and hack occasionally going outside onto the balcony for a smoke. I know Mello doesn't like the smoke, although he never really seems to mind the way the smell sticks to my clothes anymore. He tried to wash it out for a while but he ended up accepting it and even learning to like it. When I go out alone, although it is a rare occurrence, he always runs to the door when I come back and just wraps his arms around me taking it all in as if he'd never get another chance to. I wonder sometimes if he really does believe that, if he believes one day I just won't come home.

"Where are you going?"
"Out."
"Why?"
"Come on Mello, are we going to do this every time I leave?"
"Yes. Where are you going and why?"
"I'm just going to get milk, we're out. Okay?" The last word is sarcastic. I just don't get why he has to do this every single time I even think about leaving the apartment. Slightly irritated, I look back at him. He's got this look in his eyes, one that says, "Please come home." It hurts to see that look and not know why it's there in the first place, it's not like I would ever just leave and never come back. "I'll be gone for ten minutes Mells, I'll be home in no time. I'll come home, okay?" My tone is softer this time, just to let him know I'm serious. His eyes soften a bit too, making me feel better.
"Promise?" His voice is soft and desperate, like a small child who is making sure his dad wasn't lying when he said there aren't any monsters under his bed. "I promise." He nods and turns back to his work. I open the door only to close it again, "Hey, Mells? Why don't you come with this time? I'll get you some chocolate and we'll go for coffee, we haven't been out in a while. How about it?"
"Really?"
"Yeah, really. You work too hard anyway, it's about time you had a break."

I won't ask him about it. That look. I want to know of course; as far as I know, Mello has no reason to believe that one day I'd leave and never come back so, why? He's got a permanent sadness in those bright blue eyes of his and the fear in them every time I leave clouds them over, leaving only dark and lonely eyes that speak the words he never will.
"What're you thinking about, daydreamer?" I've been staring into my untouched coffee for what must've been at least ten minutes judging by how cold it is, "Huh? Oh, it's nothing."
"You sure? You've been glaring at that coffee like it took your DS away for a while now. " He smiles at me as he says this but I can see the worry written all over his face. "Oh, sorry. It's just... You look tired, are you okay?" I change the subject quickly not wanting to start something I know I can't finish. His face darkens and his smile disappears, "I'm fine, drink your coffee." His tone matches his expression.

Mello
It's the nightmares, I can't close my eyes for more than ten minutes without having them. The faces of every person I've killed rush through my mind every night and so I just choose not to sleep. Matt sometimes features in these dreams, dying in every way imaginable and it's always my fault. I don't want to let him out of my sight anymore, fearing that every outing may be his last. It keeps me going, working for hours at a time without a break because if I stop I may fall asleep and I can't handle it anymore. I don't want to sleep anymore. I shake it off and try to lighten the mood again, "Let's take a couple days off, huh? Nothing important is meant to happen this week so let's just spend some time together, kay?"
"Woah, what's gotten into you?"
You have no idea.
"Nothing, seriously. Let's have some Matt and Mello time, just the two of us. Like we used to."
"'Nothing' my ass... But I'm not gonna complain. Yeah, sure. Let's do that then."

He doesn't ask about the sudden change and I'm grateful for it. While we work we usually sleep in shifts, taking turns watching the screens but now that we're on break for a bit he sleeps with me. I sleep better with him in the bed and the dark circles under my eyes lighten up a bit by the end of the week. We don't do much, sleeping most of the time and I'll occasionally sit in his lap and watch him play video games. When we have to work again sleeping becomes difficult so I'll ask him to come to bed with me sometimes and he never questions it, just lying with me until I fall asleep. I miss him in bed most nights but I survive. Maybe I'll tell him one day.