Happy Ending (MattxMello)

10. Smile

Matt
A part of me knows how stupid I'm being. The other part of me is remembering the promise I made myself when I was just five years old, I'll never let myself feel like this again. Never. I'm not a liar, especially not to myself. So here I sit, with my pen and paper. Where do I start?

Dear Mello...

Then... What? I guess I could go with your typical:
It's not your fault, you didn't know that I'd had recurrent clinical depression since I was five, when my parents died in that accident...
I guess I was just always pretty good at hiding it, huh? We lived together all those years and I'd managed to make sure you never saw me take my medication, which I've actually recently stopped taking. You're not supposed to take medications with alcohol, right? Right, I'm all about that safety. You... You made me genuinely happy though. Just so you know. Maybe I should have told you. Maybe then you would have stayed...

God, I'm pathetic. Self pity hasn't ever really been my thing. I crumple up the piece of paper. I'll try again after a shower. Heading to the bathroom I start stripping, letting my clothing fall to the floor and leaving it where it lands. Turning on the shower, I get in. I know the water is too hot, my skin is going red and screaming at my barely responsive brain to get away from the scorching droplets and the steam is burning my eyes but I stand there, under the water and let it run over my head and down the rest of my body. I'm too numb to really feel the pain that I know my body is experiencing. I lean my back against the wall, not really having the energy to keep myself up. I stay there for what must have been two or three hours, thinking and letting all of the tears I haven't cried for all these years come at once.

I drag myself out once the water starts running cold and put on some boxers. I don't bother with anything else and sit back down at my desk, the paper and pen sitting where I left them and the gun I'd bought right next to them. I'm not going to be too cliche about this, I'm gonna shoot myself in the heart. Poetic, isn't it? I think so. I hope Mello will appreciate the thought I've put into my death. I doubt he will, if he ever even finds out about it. Someone rings the bell, making my heart skip a beat. It couldn't be, could it? Of course it's not, don't be stupid. I walk over to the door slowly, my hands trembling. Looking through the peephole, I don't see anything. Must be ding-dong ditch or something. Funny. I start walking away when it rings again. "Goddammit, just leave me alone. I'm busy." I grumble under my breath. This time I open the door a crack allowing me to see something I never would have expected. It's Mello but... He's kneeling with his head against the wall, what appears to be a large burn on his left side, his clothes torn and bloody. The smell of burning flesh and cloth almost makes me pass out. I swing the door open fully and fall down onto the floor next to him. He's breathing heavily, "Hey, Matt." I bring a trembling hand up to push his hair out of his face, he winces. "Be gentle, please?" I don't know what to do besides pick him up and take him inside. "God Mells, what happened?" He takes a sharp breath when I lay him down on the couch, closing his eyes and gritting his teeth. "Can I... Can I tell you later? I swear I will, I just... I'm just having a bit of trouble breathing right now."

Mello
I passed out from the pain apparently because when I woke up, I was in the hospital. My chest, left arm and left eye are bandaged up. I have to turn my head to see a worried looking Matt sitting beside my bed, biting his thumb nail and fiddling with my red rosary. He looks up to see that I've been staring at him, "You know Mells, for a genius you sure are stupid." I try to talk only to discover that I've got a breathing tube in, so I just smile at him instead. He doesn't return my smile. He actually looks kinda pissed. "Where the fuck have you been? What do I tell these doctors, huh? You coulda called y'know... I just, ugh." I wave him over and take his hand, squeezing it gently. His face softens a bit and he calls a nurse to get the tube out now that I'm awake. She smiles at me, "Now that you're awake, maybe we can get some answers, huh?"

After a few questions, including what happened, what my name is etc. she turns to Matt, "And you're his...?" His eyes widen a bit, "Umm... Uhhh..." He looks at me desperately, not really knowing what to do. "Boyfriend." They both look at me rather surprised by my cheery tone. I just keep smiling. "Alright, it seems that everything is in order. Just sign a few things and you can go home, okay?" She smiles sweetly at us and goes to get the forms. "Boyfriend, huh?" He's got this triumphant smirk on his face that makes me want to kiss him and slap him at the same time. I don't change my expression, "Well, you are aren't you?" He blushes a bit and looks at the floor, "Well, yeah but... Never mind." I just chuckle and pull myself up out of the bed, wobbling a bit as I try to stand up. Matt rushes over and puts a careful arm around me, "Be careful, you were in here for a reason in case you've forgotten."
"How long was I asleep?" I really shouldn't be this unstable on my feet if I was only in here for the night. "Uh, like two weeks." He says quietly as if he's afraid of how I'll react to this information. "What?" I'm sitting on the bed again, thanks to a little help from Matt. "Yeah, they took you into surgery on the first day cause your burns were pretty bad and then they put you into a coma to make sure you didn't damage yourself."
"Fair enough." Looking down, I realize that I'm in a hospital gown and... Not much else. "Where are my clothes?"
"They, uh... Well they had to cut them off." He says, looking at the floor again. "Shit. What am I gonna wear? I'm not walking out of here in this." I gesture towards my not so modest looking gown and he smiles, "Well, I brought you some of my clothes until we could get you some more. You took all of yours that, uh... You know." Guilt suddenly stabs me, "Oh, yeah." He smiles at me again and hands me the clothes. Looking at them I suppose I shouldn't have expected any different, a striped shirt and jeans with a black hoodie and black converse. "Thanks."

Matt
I close the door and shut the blinds so that he can get changed. I turn around and look at the floor, "What? You shy all of a sudden? It's not like you haven't seen me naked before." He teases me and I blush, giving in to the taunts. I turn around and look up trying to control the blood rushing to my face. He laughs and begins trying to unknot the gown. He struggles for about a minute and then looks at me, pleading with his eyes. He doesn't want to ask. "Let me help you there." I walk over and fiddle with it for about thirty seconds before it comes undone and the gown slips off, leaving me with a naked Mello standing in front of me. I'm just really glad he can't see the look on my face. The door opens and the nurse comes back in, she quickly averts her eyes and puts the papers down on the chair, "Oh, sorry. I probably should've knocked. Carry on." She quickly closes the door and I just stand there, frozen in shock just about ready to die of embarrassment. "Oh my God. Oh my God. OhmyGod. Kill me. Kill me right here, right now. Oh my God." Still frozen in my spot, the words come flowing out of my mouth without consent. Mello (still naked) turns around and looks at me, a serious expression on his face. For about one second. He bursts out laughing and hides his face in my chest while I stand frozen in shock, the color of my face giving my hair a run for its money. "Calm down and help me put this shirt on." He says once he himself is finally calm. Only then do I realize that he can't actually do it himself. "Oh, yeah. Of course."

Mello
He looks so concentrated as he carefully slides my bandaged arm into a stripy sleeve, the familiar expression on his face like he's on a really hard video game level, freckled nose scrunched up, green eyes focused on my arm. I'm staring, again. When he's finished, although I can do it myself (probably) he insists on helping me into the boxers and the jeans. I sit down on the bed and he puts the shoes on as well, helping me to my feet and draping the hoodie gently over my shoulders. He looks as if he's afraid I'll break if he makes one wrong move. I smile sadly at his attentiveness, knowing what a dick I was I can't believe that he's still here. I put my hand on his cheek and force him to look at me. "Thanks." I get onto my tippy-toes and peck him gently on the lips. I don't deserve him.

After signing the papers we walk out of the hospital and he helps me into his car. We sit in silence for about five minutes before he starts the car. He opens his mouth like he's about to say something, "Don't. We'll talk when we get home, okay?" I interrupt him before he can say what we're both thinking. Nodding, he drives off and we don't say another word for the whole ride home. I'm dreading the conversation that is just around the corner, planning what I'm going to say in my head but at the same time knowing that I can never really be prepared for this.