paper rings

"Can you hold me..?"

6th June 2022, London

After arriving in my hotel in London yesterday I took a shower grabbed some food and went straight to bed.

I just got out of bed and had some breakfast before I throw on a pair of jeans and an oversized hoodie. After running some errands and doing some laundry I head off to my model job. It's the first one in a while and I'm exited. Around 6pm I get in the cab and make my way to Max.

I wasn't really in the mood to talk about everything.. especially after the message I got from lando. I couldn't stop thinking about it. I didn't reply cause let's be honest what was I supposed to say? I'm looking forward to see max again tho and he deserves a whole explanation after that night.

I didn't texted him that I was on my way because he knew that I would come after I finished everything up. I ring the door bell and max opens up.

"You're already here??" He asks a bit shocked but pulls me in a tight hug.

"I thought I should just come over when I'm done? Am i interrupting something or what?" I ask laughing a bit.

"What no. Why are you asking that ?"

"Because I'm still outside your apartment." I laugh.

He scratches his neck but steps aside to let me in "I thought you would come here later.." he said quietly.

I was just about to ask what he meant as my eyes fell on Lando.

Yep I definitely should've called before..

"Uhm hi" is the only thing I'm able to say.

He smiles at me "hey how are you?".

I'm still confused but make my way to the kitchen it smelled delicious. "I'm alright. You?" I ask him with a slight smile.

"Yeah I'm going there.." he says avoiding eye contact.

I hear Max laughing and turn towards him "hey that went better then expected !" He says as he joins us.

I sit on the kitchen counter and watch them finishing the food. "Didn't we wanted to order pizza max?" I ask him.

"Well yeah.. but.. not anymore I guess. We're making some pasta" he smiles.

"Sorry I didn't knew you had plans otherwise I wouldn't have come over." Lando says scratching his neck nervously.

"Oh yeah no.. it's alright.." I say.

They finish cooking and we all eat together. We keep the conversation to basic stuff but all in all it's quiet nice. I help cleaning up the kitchen afterwards.

"Okay I'll leave you two now.. I already took enough time away" lando says.

Max just looks over at me and raises one eyebrow. Lando was just about to grab his jacket as I interrupt him "you don't have to"

His gaze finds mine immediately "what??"

"Y-you can stay."

"I really don't want to inter-"

"Mate for fucks sake she said you can stay." Max cuts him off.

"We wanted to have movie night.. if you don't have any other plans you're free to join" I say smiling.

What am I doing here?!

He smiles back and throws himself on the couch as the answer. I laugh and sit down next to him.

"Ahh guys actually I totally forgot to buy snacks" he grabs his wallet and his keys, before I can say something he is at the door "I'll be back in a few!!" He says with a mischievous grin before he closes the door.

Lando and I look at each other.

Oh those beautiful eyes...

We both don't say anything. After a few seconds we both break laughing out loud.

"Do you think he comes back in the first place?" I ask lando, still laughing.

"I'm not even sure to be honest" he laughs too.

We keep laughing a bit not taking the eyes of each other. Suddenly he stops and just looks at me.

"What is it?" I say with a slight smile remaining on my lips.

"I miss you.."

I remain silent.

"I always do.."

What was happening..?

"I know it's not enough.. but I'm sorry."

"L-lando I don't know what to-"

"It's alright you don't have to say anything.. I just hope one day we will be able to rebuild our.. I- i just hope you can stand my existence.. at some point.."

I sigh "I'm sorry too.. I might should've tried harder to reach out to you a-and-"

"Vic none of this is your fault. You did nothing wrong. It's all on me. I did everything wrong when it comes to you.."

"It's okay.." I say trying to smile.

He takes a deep breath then he pulls me into a tight hug "it's not..". We remain in the hug and we both don't say anything.

home.

It felt like home. I haven't had that in a long time..

God I miss my mother so much..

Before I know tears start falling down my cheeks once again. Lando loosens his grip and wipes my tears away.

"I'm sorry but I miss her, lan.. I miss her so much..."

He pulls me even tighter now and strokes my hair. "It's okay. Let it all out. She's watching over you. And I know that she's proud of you."

"T-thank you.."

He holds me for a few more minutes and my tears start to dry again. He lets go of me and slightly smiles. He gets up to get us something to drink.

cold.

It's cold without his touch. He comes back and hands me the glass. We both take a sip and silence comes over us again.

"Can you hold me..?" I ask him, my voice so quiet I wasn't even sure if he could hear me.

But he did. Without hesitation he pulls me close to him again. I lay more or less  on his chest and he lifts my legs over his. A minute later he pulls a blanket over us.

safe. I feel safe around him. Finally at home.

But I'm also scared.. what if he hurts me again... ?

Caught up in my thoughts I fall asleep in his arm.

I haven't slept this good in a long time..

The next morning I wake up alone on the couch. I was kinda disappointed but maybe that means that Max didn't see us and I wouldn't have to explain it. I didn't even know what that was myself..

I couldn't enjoy my peace long because max enters the living room "Look who finally woke up.. Mrs. Norris it's an honour."

******

Sooo what do you think ? 🫣