this is me trying | taylor swift

twelve

❝it was the end of a decade, but the start of an age❞

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

Ella sighed, throwing her dance bag on the rug on her bedroom floor. Today's rehearsal was horrible. It seemed as though the more she practiced, the worse she got. Frustrated with herself, she quickly undressed, getting ready to hop in the shower.

After her shower, Ella caught a glimpse of herself in her bathroom mirror, and tears immediately welled in her eyes. It had been five weeks since she had visited Taylor and four weeks since Taylor had come back home for a few days before leaving again. For those two weeks that she was with Taylor, Ella, for the most part, had to sway completely off her diet. She put her diet on the back burner for the fear of Taylor forcing her to stop it completely.

It is just temporary. She would remind herself, but that didn't make it any less painful or frustrating, especially when she could see all the progress she had been making for the past few months disappear and the goal she was this close to become out of reach, yet again.

Since she had been back and alone, once again, Ella had adopted a much more strict regimen consisted of more time in between meals and increased exercise. However, she had yet to see a drastic change and felt uncomfortable in her body. After all, the scale never lied. Nonetheless, she continued her diet and exercise, hoping that this stagnant period would pass and she would be back on track to become her ideal self.

✮

"Hey Ella, did you want to watch a movie with me tonight?" Ella's mom called out from downstairs, where she was baking brownies. It was a Friday night and while Ella had originally had plans to hang out with Kenna, she had come down with a cold the night prior, so their plans were scrapped.

"Sure, let me change into comfy clothes," Ella responded, quickly throwing on an old t-shirt of Taylor's and a pair of pajama pants. She loved wearing Taylor's clothes, because they all smelled like her and it felt like a part of her was with Ella, even when she physically was not there. Ella grabbed her phone before heading downstairs, the sweet smell of brownies enveloping the living room and kitchen. Her mom was wearing oven mitts that Ella and her siblings had gifted her, with their faces on them, as a joke for Christmas, but she had loved and cherished, much to their surprise.

"Do you need any help?" Ella asked, shuffling towards her mother, who had her long hair tied in a side ponytail.

"No, I think I'm good here. If you could just find a movie and put the popcorn in the microwave?" Andrea asked, to which Ella nodded. She grabbed a bag of popcorn from the pantry, and placed it in the microwave, following the instructions. She managed to catch a glimpse of the calorie count and internally grimaced at the thought of putting that much unnecessary oil into her body. The sudden thought caught Ella by surprise as she was not sure why her brain had led her there, immediately. The microwave soon beeped, pulling Ella out of her thoughts, as she emptied the contents into a bowl and joined her mother who was already in the living room.

"What are we watching?" Andrea asked her youngest, handing her a plate with two brownies that she had just made. These moments were far and few between and although Andrea felt immensely guilty about not spending as much time with her daughter as she wanted, she treasured she time they did have together, when their busy schedules allowed it.

"How about --" Ella's mouth lifted to form a small smirk, as she turned on the TV and opened it to Netflix, before finding the title that she wanted: Miss Americana. Andrea laughed at Ella, who seemed to be very proud of herself and shrugged, settling down into the couch to watch the documentary of her oldest that her youngest had chosen.