this is me trying | taylor swift

twenty four

❝i don't trust nobody and nobody trusts me❞

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

Lub-dub. Lub-dub. Lub-dub.

All Taylor could focus on was the sound of her own heartbeat. Why was it so loud?

Lub-dub. Lub-dub. Lub-dub.

"I'm thankful for my beautiful family. You kids are my entire world and the best thing I've ever done," Andrea held up her wine glass filled midway with 2011 Domaine d'Auvenay, courtesy of Taylor. The whole family, minus Austin, was sitting around the heavy oak table placed in the formal dining area, a room rarely used other than for holidays and guests. The table decor was carefully curated with a plethora of autumnal tones proudly portraying Andrea's innate skill.

Lub-dub. Lub-dub. Lub-dub.

The thumping noise drowned out any of the surrounding voices. Taylor rationally knew that her family were all sitting around her at the table, but they felt so far away and completely out of reach.

Lub-dub. Lub-dub. Lub-dub.

"I guess I'm next," Scott chuckled, gently patting his own chest to clear his throat. "I'm also thankful for my family and all the big things happening in your lives; Taylor's tour, music, and movie, Austin and Sofia's wedding, and Ella's upcoming year of dance and finishing the school year early." Scott turning expectantly to his left, where Ella was twirling her fork and running a finger down the side of the utensil, tracing the design. "El, it's you."

Lub-dub. Lub-dub. Lub-dub.

The blonde woman felt like a shell of the person she was the week prior. Hell, she felt like she had aged seven years in just one night. After all, one full night of not sleeping and instead spending hours scouring the Internet, worried about your sister will do that to anyone. And why was her heartbeat so damn loud?

Taylor had spent her night worried about Ella and when the first sign of daylight hit her windows, she heard her mother at her door, requesting her aid in preparing the last minute touches for Thanksgiving dinner that afternoon. Now, it was nearing five in the evening, and the day was finally catching up to her.

Lub-dub. Lub-dub. Lub-dub.

"Oh, yeah. I'm thankful for you guys, my friends, ballet, my room, and my phone," Ella haphazardly stated as her gaze darted over to Taylor, who was not looking at her. The youngest Swift quickly placed back over to her parents, who both smiled at her, before the whole family turned to Taylor. However, the popstar, completely distracted by the thoughts circling through her head, was not at all aware of all the eyes on her.

Lub-dub. Lub-dub. Lub-dub.

Taylor thought of Ella, her chest feeling heavy once more. She didn't know what to think. She didn't want to think it was what she thought. The thoughts inside her head were much louder than the voices of her family right next to her.

Lub-dub. Lub-dub. Lub-dub.

"It's your turn, sweetheart," Andrea asked from the head of the table, turning her gaze diagonally to face her daughter, who was not responding to her mother. Externally, Taylor looked fine. The family had opted for a casual Thanksgiving this year, so she was wearing a sweater and leggings with her hair perfectly blown out. Internally, however, that was a whole other story.

"Tay!" Scott said with a bit more volume, becoming increasingly worried about his eldest, who was in her own world.

Lub-dub. Lub--.