this is me trying | taylor swift

twenty six

❝is it over now?❞

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

Taylor wasn't sure how much time had passed.

Stiff as a log, she lied there next to Ella, who was fast asleep. The older girl was afraid that if she moved, even so as to readjust herself under the comforter, Ella's sleep would be disrupted and she would wake up and have to face reality once more. She wanted her to experience that peace, at least for a little while longer, before she had to face the real world.

As Taylor lied there, she began to circle through her thoughts, trying to find the moment this all started with Ella. The singer blamed herself -- if only she was here, if only she wasn't touring, she would have noticed. But alas, there was no use in pointing fingers. The matter of the fact was that Ella was struggling with something very complicated and bigger than Taylor could imagine, and it was now up to her to support her sister during this journey.

Eventually, the first rays of sunshine hit Ella's curtains and the teenager stirred and turned over, releasing Taylor from the hold she had her in. Taylor took this as an opportunity to sneak out of her sister's room -- to get a few hours of sleep before what would inevitably be one of the hardest conversations of her life and to allow Ella to wake up and not have to immediately come face-to-face with her big sister.

✮

"Honey, aren't you gonna get up? It's nearly noon," Taylor heard her mom's voice from a few feet away, pulling her out of the dream-like state she had finally entered.

"Huh?" Taylor asked, groggily. She sat up in her bed and rubbed her eyes, attempting to rid them of sleep. It took a few minutes to recall the events of the night, but as soon as she did, Taylor felt much more awake.

"Mom, it's only 10:11 A.M.," Taylor grumbled, falling back in between her pillows, annoyed with her mother's dramatics. In Andrea's defense though, she had no idea the night that Taylor and Ella had.

"Okay, I'll give you girls another hour. But seriously, it's time to get this show on the road!" Andrea laughed before shaking her head and leaving her daughter's room.

It was ironic, really. Here were two Swift women, each one completely in their own world. One woman was preparing to face a battle that would span the inevitable future and the other was simply delighted to be surrounded by those she loved most.

Taylor tried to close her eyes, but sleep was no longer in the picture. Last night's conversation with Ella kept replaying on an endless loop in her head and Taylor felt physically sick. The singer stood up and went to her bathroom. After all, there was nothing that a quick shower couldn't fix. But alas, even after the shower, she did not feel better. All that occupied her mind was Ella and the gravity of everything. Taylor began journaling, but that didn't seem to help her busy mind, either. Instead, she did what any other person would do when faced in an impossible situation.

She Googled it.

And Googled . . .

. . . And Googled some more.

And eventually, she felt somewhat empowered. But, the first step was for Ella to wake up so that the two sisters could actually talk.

✮

"Is Ella still asleep?" Taylor asked her mom after entering the kitchen. Per usual, her mother was in the kitchen, cooking up another recipe she had found. Taylor had gotten her love for baking and cooking from her mother, and out of all three kids, she was the only one who had adopted that trait.

"Yes, she is. Did you two have a long night? This is so unlike her!" Andrea chuckled, adding more cinnamon to the pumpkin bread batter, before tasting it, and adding more.