Ruthless

Chapter 30

Theo point of view

If I were to compare myself to some other people, I wouldn't be able to say I had a tough life. Quite frankly I would be lying if I said that. The truth of the matter is that nothing truly horrible ever happened to me.

I grew up in a loving home with two parents who deeply loved eachother and each of their five children. They weren't divorced or abusive, they didn't starve us, didn't assault us verbally.

I had a great childhood, one that I admire and hope that I can provide the same for my child.

When I was a teenager I managed to get a girlfriend and I had a good group of friends, so when I found out that she had cheated on me with my best friend, I thought that was the worst possible thing that could have happened.

So far in my life that was the worst thing that had ever happened.
In some miraculous way all four of my grandparents were still alive. I had a girlfriend who loved me, people who cared for me.

And it felt like nothing could go wrong.

I've heard people saying that you don't know what you had until it's gone, you don't appreciate it until it's gone. And now, in this horrible situation it finally occurs to me.

Everything else pales in comparison.

I was so blind how could I not see it? Then again maybe I did see it, I just didn't want to acknowledge it.

Acknowledging it would mean giving up a long commitment and starting again. And I don't know if I want that.

However starting again would mean being with her, and being with her is what I dream of.

You never know what you have until it's gone. I realise that now, but it's too late. The tears and sobs are utterly pointless now.

I messed up, big time. But the worst thing is that I didn't see it. I allowed fear to take over, and because of that I've lost now.

I've lost her.

You don't know what you have until it's gone. I see that now. She's gone and I don't know how to cope.

I need her.

Come back to me, baby.