PLAYBOY I Tom Kaulitz

How will I ever look at you again?

Ivy POV

"No, Tom, don't kiss me right now," I stammered, the hurt too raw, the betrayal too fresh. "I'm having a very hard time even being this close to you right now."

Gently, I pushed away from him, breaking our physical connection. The warmth of his embrace, while comforting, was too much to bear in that moment. I needed distance, space to breathe, to think.

"I'm not letting this go so easily," I continued my voice firm despite the tumult of emotions within me. "I know that I hurt you, but this isn't a game of one-upmanship. If one hurts the other, they don't get to hurt back."

I took a shaky breath, trying to steady myself. "I didn't do it for me. I did it because I thought it was right for us. But how in the fuck could you ever even try to justify this being right in any sense?" I spat at him, anger and betrayal lending my voice a harsh edge.

His face, already drained of color, paled further. My words, while harsh, were necessary. We had inflicted so much pain on each other, but this, his betrayal, felt like a step too far. I didn't know how we would recover from this or ever rebuild the trust that had been shattered so completely. 

A heavy silence filled the room after my outburst, only broken by our ragged breaths. Tom looked like he wanted to say something, his lips parting and closing as if he was struggling to find the right words. Finally, he broke the silence.

"Ivy...I know I messed up," he started, his voice heavy with regret. "There's no excuse for what I did."

His confession hung in the air between us, yet it didn't soothe the stinging wound his actions had inflicted.

"I thought I was drowning in pain," he continued, his voice barely more than a whisper. "I tried to find solace, an escape...but it was wrong. I can see that now."

His confession, his remorse, it all felt like too little, too late. My heart ached, not just for myself, but for the love we had lost, the trust we had shattered.

"But why, Tom?" I questioned, my voice choked with tears. "Why would you do this? You knew it would hurt me."

He ran a hand through his hair, a gesture of frustration, or perhaps desperation. "I know, Ivy...I wasn't thinking. I was hurt, confused...angry. But I should've thought about you...about us."

"Thought about us?" I echoed, my heart pounding in my chest. "Just like I did when I made my decision?"

Tom flinched at my words, a painful reminder of our shared guilt. "Ivy, I--"

"No, Tom," I cut him off, my voice shaking with emotion. "You don't get to play the victim here. We both made mistakes, but yours...yours was a choice. You chose to betray me, to betray us."

Tom seemed to crumble under the weight of my words, his face paling even more, his eyes welling up. "Ivy, please..." he began, his voice shaking with desperation.

"Please, what, Tom?" I countered, trying to keep my own voice steady. "Please forget that you slept with someone else? Please overlook this huge betrayal? Is that what you're asking?"

His eyes fell to the floor, his fingers nervously twisting the fabric of his jeans. He looked lost, a shell of the man I had fallen in love with.

"No...no, I know you can't just forget," he admitted, his voice barely above a whisper. "I messed up, Ivy. I messed up really badly. But...I love you. I love you so much and I can't bear the thought of losing you."

Tears were streaming down his face now, his hands shaking as he looked up to meet my gaze. There was desperation in his eyes, a pleading look that tore at my heart.