Mrs Ahmed Shehu

19

SURAIYA

Ramadan starts on Thursday, March 23rd.

By then my feelings for Ahmed are stronger than ever but I've done my best to keep it under wraps; especially from him. I'm not deluding myself that there's a chance Ahmed and I would end up together but there's something beautiful about loving Ahmed Shehu, even though nothing's going to come out of it.

I love that he's home more these days and I love how with each passing day, the house looks better. Most of the new additions come from me but they all love it. Each time I walk in on Ahmed staring at a new painting or a new plant, it makes me smile. His admiration is beautiful and I always savour those little moments where I get to watch him take in something.

Ahmed's really beautiful, inside and out.

Since we're the only ones seriously fasting in the house, Sahurs are as intimate as our meals were during the Christmas and New Year break. We eat in the kitchen and like it has been recently, our conversations are soft and beautiful. Ahmed maintains eye contact more now and Dieu, his small (and really soft) smiles. We laugh and joke more too.

Iftars are beautiful as the kids are with us and there are a lot of stories to share. We all laugh as we eat and the mini recitation sessions we have after Taraweeh are so, so good. I wouldn't want to trade it for anything else.

My family's still quiet and I know I should be grateful but come on...It's weird. Too weird. Through my siblings' social media accounts, I see the Iftar parties they have and the dinners they host with the families that are now our in-laws or about to be our in-laws in Hamoud's case. How long is it going to take for them to focus on me again? I try not to think about it but there are times when it's insanely difficult.

When the last ten days of Ramadan come around, every family decides to host Iftar. We (Ahmed and I) decide to do the same and we pick Day twenty-seven which is Tuesday, April 18th. Since it's going to be a full blown dinner, we decide to use the backyard which has been freshly mowed. The weather's been nice lately and so we should it to our advantage. Just for safety's sake, we decide to get a transparent tent booked. One can never be too careful.

The Dantatas host the first Iftar. Like Ahmed and I plan to do, it's held in their backyard. It's nothing short of beautiful and I really, really love how each dish is presented and served. The kids run around and we eventually get tired of trying to get them to stay in one place so we leave them be. It doesn't go past my attention that Nurudeen keeps going back to play with Yarah who sticks to her mother like second skin. Yazan alternates between Amal and Zayd but he later lets others carry him. He's all smiles when he's in my arms and I swear to God, everyone in this friendship circle (that's a family on its own) has beautiful kids. I hope when I eventually have kids, they're this beautiful too.

Hussayna and Salim host the next Iftar and they transform their living room to fit us all. We sit on cushions arranged on the rug and it nearly tempts me to ask Ahmed that we do the same. Like the Dantata's Iftar, this goes really well and they don't allow us leave without each person having a small pack filled with goodies. God, these people.

On the ride back, Ahmed keeps a hand between the seats and it takes a lot to not reach out to put my hand on his. "We should finalise the meals we want to serve."

I nod, keeping my eyes on the road and my hands to myself. "We should. The earlier, the better. It's not so far anymore...I think I want us to go a little overboard. Flowers, fairy lights and all."

From my side eye, I see him look at me. He's smiling. Oh Ahmed. He turns back to the road. "I'd love that. Let's get home first and finalise everything."