The Real You

A Lover's Quarrel

Three days.

Three bloody days since that disastrous morning.

Just when I thought things would be okay between us, just when I hoped to tell him I loved him, Karma hat to hit me like a fucking freight train and barrel into my life like Hurricane Katrina, leaving nothing but damage and destruction in it's wake.

Why would life be so cruel? I never wanted anything but help Kieran. He was like a brother to me, my best friend, my person to turn to whenever I needed somebody to lean on. We'd grown up together, and when I found out about him being sick, it was as if my entire world crumbled down around me. He had been my rock, after all. The person I trusted, confided in. Despite him leaving often for his job, saving lives overseas, I still called him, wrote to him, made sure to be there whenever he returned home, even for the smallest while. And then he was dying, just when I thought that us growing up without growing apart meant that our friendship would last forever. He came to me for help, and who was I to refuse him? What he proposed wasn't a burden, something impossible. It was downright outrageous that his insurance wouldn't cover his Leukemia treatment because his job made him a 'liability'. How dare they! He spent his entire life saving other people's lives, and when he needed saving they turned away from him.

....So we got married, passed all the interviews with flying colors and got a good friend of his at some hospital to give him a clean bill of health to get into my insurance program. All we had to do was act suprised and devastated when on his next medical checkup they'd find out he had cancer.

No harm done right? Kieran wanted a divorce right away. I'd done more than enough for him, he said. He owed me his life. I never thought anything of it, and instead insisted we stay married for a little while longer. At least a couple of years to make sure the camcer had gone into remission and wouldn't make some nasty re-appearance later on.

It wasn't like I was planning on marrying anytime soon.....

And then came Jonathan, the Oxford Professor who stole my heart when I was sill young and naive. I called Kieran then, said I was planning to get engaged, and that maybe it was time we got a divorce. He agreed wholeheartedly, but before all the papers were finalized I broke the engagement off and didn't care much for the annulment. Why would I? Kieran would be safe as long as we stayed married, and I was broken-hearted and alone.

And now Alan knew.

Dammit how did this happen?!

I'd contacted Kieran the day after the newspaper article came out. Because he was often away to some godforsaken country for his work with Doctors Without Borders it was hard to get a hold of him, and the paperwork was off to a slow start. But all the necessary documents had almost been in order, all that was left was Kieran's bloody signature and I'd no longer be his wife....

...and, more importantly, Alan wouldn't have to find out about it.

I mean...I'd tell him, in due time. Of course I would. I loved him. He deserved to know. But I'd be able to go to him a free woman, and explain everything when the time was right.

And I never ever meant for him to find out the way he had.

Seeing the look of utter disbelief and incomprehension on Alan's face was almost more than I could handle. He had schooled his features into an impassive expression rather quickly, but not before I saw the hurt and anger flash like molten gold in his eyes. Kieran just stood there, a small smile playing on his lips, completely unaware of the damage he was causing. Not knowing the wedge he was driving between me and Alan.

He didn't know. He didn't know. He didn't know.... I kept chanting inside my head. But at that moment I wanted nothing more than to kill Kieran bloody Anderson. Beat him to a pulp. Throttle him. Bash his head in. Kick his sorry ass....the list of murderous intentions went on and on.