On The Brink of Rainbow (Sign Series #1)

Kabanata 5

Kabanata 5

Problem

I never really considered my drawing for clothes as a talent. Maybe because my parents never acknowledge it as a talent. That's why it influences me for thinking I'm not really talented. Pwede pa siguro sa pagguhit pagdating sa mga gusali at bahay. Because it can relate to my father's profession.

"Iyon lang ba? Be glad, Rian, because you get to live a luxurious life while the others have to survive for it!"

Paulit ulit iyon sa utak ko. It's on repeat and I can't find the button to stop it. Alam ko naman 'yon, e! Aware naman ako na marami nga diyan ay naghihirap at hindi pa nakakapag-aral. I should be blessed to be born with a silver spoon.

Na dapat hindi na ako magreklamo pa dahil nabibigay naman ang pangangailan at gusto ko.

Do I really need to think about the situation of the other people before considering my feelings valid or not? Yes, everyone is battling their odds and others have it harder. But what about me?

Paano naman ako? Palagi bang ako na lang ang iintindi? Wala ba ako karapatan magalit?

Maybe Rafaela is right. I'm just really being dramatic. Maliit lang naman problema ko. It's not like the world would fall apart just because I didn't get the course I wanted. Patuloy pa rin naman umiikot ang mundo. Patuloy pa rin uusad ang mga tao.

Habang ako, siguro maii-stuck saglit. Pero kailangan pa rin magpatuloy. Guguhit ka pa rin naman, Rian. Nga lang, hindi mga kikay na damit at makikinang na dress.

All these thoughts and feelings of mine are just irrelevant. I should not dwell on it too much. There are things bigger and more important than this. Kaya naman pinawid ko ang luha sa pisngi ko.

Ano pa bang magagawa ko? Enrolled na ako sa architecture. At kahit magpapalit pa ako, malalaman at malalaman iyon ni Mommy. For sure, she will use her power and influence to make me feel that she's in control.

I sighed as I continued to draw on my sketch pad. Suminghot ako dahil muntik ng tumulo ang sipon ko sa sketch pad. My nose is quite stuffy because of heavy crying earlier. Even my eyes are a bit swollen.

"Iniwan mo ako kanina."

Napaangat ako ng tingin sa dumating na si Zamiro. He looked irritated but when he met my gaze his eyes softened. I sniffed again.

"Narito ka na pala," sabi ko dahil napansin kong nakapangbahay na siyang damit.

He's wearing his usual pambahay clothes. Isang muscle shirt at gray short. Mariin siyang tumitig sa akin kaya binaba ko na lang ang tingin sa sketch pad ko at nagpatuloy.

He then sat down beside the chair of me. Narito kami sa garden at gabi na. May ilaw naman galing sa lamp post kaya nakakapag guhit pa rin ako.

"Anong oras ka umuwi?" tanong ko dahil hindi nagsasalita ang katabi ko.

Isang nakabibinging katahimikan lang ang sumagot sa akin. Lumingon ako sa kaniya dahil hindi siya sumasagot. Then I caught him looking at me with intent eyes. I chuckled a bit.

"Baka matunaw ako 'yan?" I smirked to hide my nervousness.

"Iniwan mo ako kanina," ulit niya sa sinabi at may kasama iyong tampo.

I exhaled slightly. "I'm sorry. Kailangan... ko lang talaga umuwi agad."

Marahan siyang tumango. "Just don't do it next time."

I nodded too. "Pero may lakad ka naman kanina, 'di ba? With Celestine? Kamusta pala lakad niyo?" I tried to divert the topic.

"Yeah but I told you we're going to eat lunch together right after I enrolled. Iniwan mo agad ako."