summer love (Dua lipa)

Care

TW/S*

We made out for 15 minutes and we knew we couldn't take it any farther than that because of the circumstances. To be honest I would have let her but she knew it would feel as if she was taking advantage of the situation. Her lips were just how I imagined them, soft and plump. Her hands went where I imagined they would go, on my waist and neck. Her skin was soft but the way it felt when she grabbed me was rough.
She was able to sleep but I couldn't one bit. Everytime I closed my eyes I saw the gun aiming at me so I couldn't imagine sleeping. You can't have nightmares if you don't sleep right? I don't think I ever want to get out of bed because the first thing I always expect is for Devin to be out there watching tv but it's so silent now. Usually silence is comforting but it's so loud now if that makes sense. My poor boy wasn't here anymore and I couldn't do anything but imagine his last moments. I can't help but wonder what Devin must have felt, he was excited to see me up there and then all of a sudden he was gone. Did he feel pain or was it just automatic? Was he shot more than once? Did he scream for help? Could I have saved him? My body began to tremble, I could feel my heart racing, and I couldn't breathe a steady pace.
"Hey hey are you okay" Dua says getting up quickly I tried to respond but I couldn't speak
"Y/n you're okay just breath slowly" she says putting her hand on my chest but I still felt shortness of breath. She lays her head on me and wrapped herself around me
"You're okay" she says and I finally felt everything go slow
"I don't want to be here anymore" I start crying out "I could have done something but I left him behind" I sob
"Don't say those things okay think about what he would want you to feel he doesn't want you to blame yourself" she says holding my hand tightly
"And don't say you don't want to be here anymore because if you go I'll go" she says looking me dead in the eye
I hold her face with my palm and kiss her softly, I don't want it to be a long kiss but one that communicates that I really appreciate what she just said. I have no one who cares for me like devin did but I have her now. I would die for her in secret all the time.
"You have no idea how long I've hoped you'd do this because I was too much of a bloody coward" she says with that spark in her eyes and as I'm about to respond we hear a loud knock on the door
"I'll get it stay here okay" she says and I nod

I'm sitting waiting but I hear Robbie's voice and I run as fast as I can towards him because maybe just maybe he made a mistake and Devin is alive. There's a chance I was just dreaming or something. Once I get to where they're both at I feel the aura come back of grief because he wasn't there and it wasn't a dream, he was gone. You can tell Robbie didn't sleep either but he was probably out looking for an answer unlike me.
"He wasn't the only one so it wasn't a personal thing according to the cops but I'm not believing it at all" he tells us
"Who else?" I ask him interrupting whatever he was going to say
"2 women but it doesn't sit with me that his friends were able to get away and he wasn't it's as if they knew they would aim there" he says pacing back and forth in front of the door
"That does sound suspicious" Dua says
"There's not really a point in asking them anything because all I want to do is catch those bastards for my son" he says
"I miss him so much" I say as I go to hug him because I can feel my tears forming again. He hugs me tightly and I can feel his tears falling onto my shoulders. I'm sure he was feeling the same way as me, wondering if we could've have prevented but maybe Robbie felt worse because it was at his festival
"I do have some maybe good news the festival is going to continue because the artists want to do a free tribute for Devin so I wanted to ask if you guys want to perform" he says wiping his eyes
I'm not going to perform ever again or even attend a festival again. It's not safe to do any of that especially right now so he needs to stop it. I understand the tribute part but I mentally can't handle it right now.
"That sounds like a good idea" Dua says, she looks at me for a sign of approve but I just walk away

I won't judge Dua for wanting to do anything because she doesn't feel like I feel right now, Devin wasn't an important person in her life. It's fine whatever she chooses to do but I don't want to be a part of it. I walk by Devins room and his scent still exists , expensive perfume and his stupid comics on his bed like if he never left. I don't want to walk in and change any of that. I want that room to be in a museum so it won't ever be moved. I return to my room and stare outside my window for as long as I can to waste time. They were taking a long time talking but I remembered that he thought Dua liked him and she was leading him on so I'm assuming they're doing things but I don't care. I said I don't care about anything anymore. I feel arms wrap around me and now that we've touched more I recognized her now.
"Why don't you want to do it?" She says with her head laying on my shoulder
"I can't" I tell her while I turn around to face her completely
"Then I won't either" she says but I shake my head at her response
"You should that's what you came to do Dua" I tell her
"You know he wanted you to do it too" she tells me
"He isn't here to see it anymore so there's really no point" I tell her
"I understand but it's going to really suck if you're not there" she says and I start feeling the pressure on my chest again, my face getting hot, tears forming but I feel a touch on my lips. She was kissing me and I felt relaxed again. My heart and hers were so close that I believe they were kissing as well.
"I'm sorry I didn't mean to get you worked up" she says as she lets go with a worried look on her face but I just give her a smile
"I want to ask you something" she says
"Go ahead" I tell her
"What is this or what could it be" she says
I guess I hadn't thought about it that way because I never thought we would've ever gone this far. I don't really care for what happens as of now like I don't have that self respect at all right now so she can just have me as entertainment.
"Whatever you want" I tell her and she grabs both my hands and pulls me towards her
"Don't say it like that I want something genuine because I really fancy you I know it's not very common what we have but it's not uncommon either" she says while looking at me with those brown puppy eyes but I don't know this could put her at risk like the girl at the beach. I cant handle losing anyone else.
"I don't want anything to happen to you Dua what we're doing is dangerous if anyone ever catches us" I tell her as I turn to look back out the window
"Life is too short to let what we have just disappear into the thin air" she says
She's right but I'm afraid of everything now. I don't want this summer to exist anymore because in some twisted way this is what I wanted to happen. I wanted something big to happen and look what that did so what if I want a risk but it ends up being too risky?
"I don't know" I tell her
"How about we go somewhere I think my question was valid but maybe not the right time to ask it so as an apology please accept my invitation for maybe some ice cream?" She says with a big grin and her hand out to shake which I can't help but let a small giggle out because the way she said it was so charming
"I don't feel like going out though" I say
"I'll bring us a bucket and we could get comfy in the sitting room how about that?" She asks
"That sounds good" I say with a small smile
"I'll be back then" she says as she exits the room and leaves the house

I was alone now and it was even more silent now. When Dua was here even though there were moments where she wasn't talking there was at least small breathing I was hearing. Now it was just me in this house full of empty rooms and I really couldn't stand it. I decided it's better for me to be by the pool so I can be distracted or entertained about water moving back and forth. But even that felt too quiet so I sat and played with the water with my legs. I feel like half of a whole, the half of me being reckless and happy was gone and all I had left was whatever this was. I really don't have a lot going for me, the only person who got me is no longer here, I hate school, the person I decided I want to love I can't even publicly do it. There was no point anymore, I don't think I'll ever be able recover from this. I don't want to be a part of this cruel place full of hate.
I get into the pool and my body is now full of goosebumps. I go underwater and it wasn't quiet anymore all the swooshing was heard. The breath I took in before going under began to run out but it wasnt bothering me. It was just peaceful suffering and I just closed my eyes.
—
I felt air coming into my lungs and water going up my throat. I didn't know where I was until I looked up and met Duas eyes. They were filled with tears and she was dripping in water. She fell back and was panting so loud. She came back, put her hand behind my head, and raised it up.
"I thought you were gone" she began to cry I felt her tears drop onto my cold cheek
I didn't know it was going to go this far, I didn't feel myself start to drown. I didn't feel anything till now. She grabbed a towel and dried my face
"I'm begging you please never do this again I'm going to take extra care of you" she says patting my face lightly.
"I'm sorry" I struggle to say as I begin to cry
"No no don't cry it's fine let's just get you warmed up" she says wiping my tears with her thumb
We both get up and head into my room. She starts rummaging through my clothes to find my night gown but she won't find it because it's in the restroom. I let her keep looking because it makes me feel warm inside that she cared for me. I walk into the restroom to grab it and put it on.
"Oh it was there the whole time" she says putting her hand on her forehead
"Thank you Dua" I say as I go to hug her
"Don't thank me for saving your life y/n because I would die over and over again for you" she says holding my face

____________________________________
Sorry if it's too deep :( Planning to do a Dua Pov next how about that? Thank you for reading as always :)