Book of One-Sh!ts

[Gepard x Sampo] Do you think I'm cute?

"So, I have a bit of a problem," Sampo voiced his concerns to his reflection. "You see, my roommate is gay, now, now, before you call me a homophobe, that isn't the problem," he pointed at himself. "The problem is... I had no idea, all of this time living with him, that he was a top." He cleared his throat, running his hand through his hair, and pointed at himself again. "Which means, when I forgot to tell him I was coming home on time, I saw a glimpse of his sexy self, pounding someone's ass and now I can't forget it." 

"Why didn't he tell me something so important?" Sampo held his cheeks, wiggling his hips at the memory. "Oh, those eyes," he squealed. 

"How long are you going to stay in there, Sampo?" Gepard banged on the bathroom door. "We have to go to class." 

"Hey," Sampo opened the door a crack, smiling like a cat, "just out of curiosity, do you think I'm cute?" he pointed at himself. Gepard maintained eye contact with him, not even once glancing down at the towel on his waist. 

"I think you're a nuisance," Gepard grabbed Sampo's ear and dragged him out of the bathroom so he could go about getting ready himself. He slammed the door before Sampo could retaliate. 

"Bummer," Sampo stared at the closed door. "Oh, wait, he isn't the type to lock," he grabbed the doorknob and sure enough it was open. Gepard's eyebrows furrowed. 

"Get out!" 

"Now, now, why don't we just shower together?" he grinned. "You haven't answered my question and we've got lots to talk about..." he licked his lips. "I can't believe you've been hiding such a nice body from me this whole time," Sampo wiped the imaginary tear from his eye and placed his hand flat on Gepard's stomach. "Well? Do you think I'm cute?" he asked, sliding his hand down ever so slightly. 

"I think you're a nuisance!" Gepard grabbed his wrist, pulling his hand off of his body. 

"Aw," Sampo pouted. "Not even a little turned on?" 

"I've seen you naked dozens of times," Gepard huffed, stepping into the shower. "What are you playing at?" 

"Ge~pa~rd~" Sampo followed him, dropping the towel around his waist. He pinned him up against the shower wall. "Do you think I'm cute or don't you?" 

"Let's say, hypothetically, I did," Gepard closed his eyes and cleared his throat. "What difference does it make?" 

"Wonderful, fuck me please!~" he hummed. 

"W-What?!" Gepard's eyes snapped open. 

"Fuck. Me. Please and thank you," Sampo repeated. 

"But...you're straight..." Gepard frowned. 

"Haha!" Sampo snorted. "If I were straight, which I most certainly am not," he placed his hand over his heart, "do you really think I would be so easygoing about living with a gay man? There are more straights afraid of gays than straights pro gays. If it were the other way around don't you think more LGBT-friendly laws would be passed?" he smiled. 

"I've never seen you with a guy before..." Gepard blinked repeatedly. 

"Oh? So just because my ass is a virgin that means I'm not allowed to be bi?" Sampo poked Gepard's chest. He shook his head and crossed his arms. "There are a lot of hoops to jump through being a manwhore such as myself. Being with men is a bit, complicated, surely you understand the lengths I would have to go through just to prep myself before sex?" 

Gepard's face contorted in disgust. "Leave it to you to be too lazy to do that but perfectly willing to seduce a woman on the street." 

"What can I say, I'm an opportunist," he grinned. "Maybe I was saving myself for the right guy," he leaned forward, pressing his chest against Gepard's. 

"The thought of someone like you possibly saving yourself for anyone makes me want to gag. That's absolutely ridiculous." 

"I'll have you know I'm a wonderful romantic," he pouted once again. 

"You're aro!" 

"Whoopsies," he snickered. 

"Ugh," Gepard held his face in his hands. "No wonder it's so easy for you to torment people like this." 

"Hey now, that wasn't very nice, very aro-phobic, Gepard," Sampo's easy-going demeanor diminished slightly but was soon replaced by his normal mask once again. "Alright, alright, I understand, you're after stereotypical romance so naturally you wouldn't want to be with someone that can't offer you that, hm?" He lifted his hands and took a step back and outside the standing shower's door. 

"That's not fair," Gepard curled his hands into fists, blushing but still pissed off. "You know that's not what I meant." 

"Use your words, darling Gepard," Sampo knelt down to pick up the towel and flung it over his shoulder, hand over heart. "After all, I'm just an emotional manipulator with only sex on the mind," he snapped. Very unlike him to lose his silly man behavior mid-sentence. He threw the towel at Gepard's face. "So much for a perfect first time, I'll go find someone else since I'm ever the manslut according to you!" And with that, he left. 

...

"You've been avoiding me," Gepard said, sitting down on the couch beside Sampo.

"Am I avoiding you? Or are you avoiding me? Hard to tell anymore," he said without a care, leaning up against the edge of the couch, eyes still fixated on the TV. 

"I'm sorry, about what I said, I really didn't mean it like that..." he scratched the nape of his neck, not sure what else to say. 

"Mhm, all is forgiven, apology accepted," Sampo waved his hand absentmindedly. 

"I'm being serious!" Gepard turned his head to face Sampo. 

"Do you think I'm not?" Sampo glanced at him. "You've only done what everyone and their mother does to the ace community. The only way people like me survive in the world is by ignoring your comments and forgiving when asked. Can't lash out, or the progress would fall behind and 'prove we aren't valid.' So, Gepard," Sampo lulled his head to the side, finally looking at him, "do you even really know what you've done wrong? Or are you just tired of the awkwardness between us?" 

"I'm sorry..." he stared at his legs, gripping his pants tightly. 

"Oh, sweet and stupid little man," Sampo pulled him in for a hug, petting his hair, "I can't stay mad at you forever." 

"I love you, Sampo," he blurted out. 

"Yes, yes, I love you too, Gepard," Sampo squeezed. 

"I'm serious!" Gepard pushed him away. "That's why I didn't want to... because I want feelings behind it... but..." 

"Ugh...." Sampo held his face in his hands, resting his elbows on his knees. "You're doing it again, being aro-phobic. I love you too, Gepard, so what if I'm not romantically inclined, I'm the most romantic man you'll ever know!" he snapped, sitting up straight. "I'll buy you flowers, if that's what you want, or kiss you goodbye, just because I don't experience romantic attraction doesn't meant I can't love you! It just means I show my affection in different ways! I never fucked with guys one: because I'm lazy," he raised a finger, "and two:" he raised another finger "because of you!" he flailed his arms about gesturing at Gepard.   

"I want to be with you, you know," Gepard clarified, just to be safe, "exclusively. No more going out to mixers or hooking up with women," he frowned. 

"Gepard, do you even know the last time I had sex?" Sampo's face suddenly became eerily serious. 

"Didn't you just go to a party a week ago?" Gepard blinked repeatedly, wondering if there was something more recent than that. 

"Oh, what a lovable idiot," Sampo ran his hand down his face. "I haven't slept with someone since we began being roommates." 

"Haha," Gepard snorted. "You? That can't be right." Sampo stared. "Seriously?!" Gepard fell off the couch. 

"That's right, lovely Gepard," he pointed his foot at him. "How does it feel to know you're actually the more sexually active one between the two of us?" 

"I've really had it all wrong this whole time..." Gepard sat up, feeling even more guilty than before. 

"So, Gepard..." Sampo plopped on the floor, crawling over to him, scooting his face close to his, "do you think I'm cute?"