Raiza's Burden

Chapter 38 The breaking

Siddharth sat on the balcony talking to himself. He knew he had to confide in someone. "I'm not like Raiza I cannot confide in strangers, but talking to my father about this can cause further drift between my wife and my parents" he thought. His father has been in favour of him marrying Raiza, but he had cautioned him that the age difference between them could cause a lot of problems. Sid never listened to his father. The moment he has seen Raiza again after the long separation he had made the decision to never let her leave his life again. "A lot good that decision has done to me," he thought. Even after their marriage started to shake in the first few months his parent stood by Raiza and kept pushing him to be the grown-up and try to understand her. Their faith in her shook when she caused him to spend time in the police station and didn't even bail him out. It broke further when she ran away leading to her father's death. His father never got over the loss of his good friend. He stopped talking to Raiza after that. She never took ownership of her action she blamed him. Sighing he finally made up his mind. He stared far away at the sky dimly lit with a few stars visible in the distance. Sid held his phone tighter, his hands trembling with emotions, as he prepares to reveal his heart-wrenching secret to his father. Sid dialled the number and held his breath.

After a few rings, he heard his father's deep voice greeting him "Hey Sid" his father exclaimed.

"Dad, hi, how are you?" Siddharth spoke in a subdued voice. 

"Your mother and I were talking about you just now" His father smiled fondly. The smile in his voice acted as salt on the open wound. 

Sid stayed quiet and sighed. "Sid, what's wrong" his father immediately asked reading the stress in his son's voice. 

"Nothing is wrong Dad and nothing is right" Sid took a deep breath. 

"Hang on I'm putting you on speakerphone. Your mother is next to me" his father declared. 

"Dad can we talk, just you and I?" Sid asked "Sorry Mom it is just that I need a man right now" he apologized to his mother who he knew was listening in. 

"Don't be sorry Sid" his mother assured him. "Call me tomorrow, we can have a chat late" she declared as the sound of the click announced that his father was plugging in the Bluetooth. Sid was sure his father must have now moved to a separate room. 

"Ok I'm in the hotel balcony let's talk" announced his father confirming his assumption. 

Sid's voice trembled "Dad... there's something I need to tell you. It's... it's about Raiza." Sid paused his father was silent indicating he was listening intently "After the baby... after she didn't make it, Raiza's mental health has been deteriorating. She's not doing well at all, Dad. She's... she's in a deep depression, and I don't know how to help her." He paused. 

"I'm so sorry to hear that, Sid, it is understandable, both of you are depressed. It's a devastating loss, and grief can take a toll on anyone. You both need support during this difficult time." His father's calm voice state. 

Sid cut him from saying anything further and jumped in to say the rest. "There's more, Dad." he began fighting back the tears waiting to burst out.  "I blame myself for not being there when Raiza's water broke. Maybe if I had been home, I could have done something to prevent complications during the delivery. I wanted to be here. I didn't even know Dad this is going to happen so soon. I mean she was still weeks away from her due date. All this started because of Vidya if she had not tried to sabotage my relationship with Raize. If Raiza had trusted me, if she had given me the time to explain if I had ignored the stupid message from Vidya and stayed home.... if" Sid broke down into tears as his list of ifs began to overwhelm him.

"Sid, you can't blame yourself for something beyond your control. Sometimes life throws us unexpected challenges. the list of ifs will never end son and the list will make you lose your mind. Don't go down that rabbit hole it has no bottom and there is no other side to come out." his father counselled him in a soft voice. 

Sid choked up "Dad I feel I have lost everything in life. I... I made the decision and signed the papers for Raiza to have a hysterectomy. There were complications during the delivery... her uterus got ruptured, and to save her I gave consent to the doctors to ......" he broke down. "Dad she can never have a baby again, we will never be parents" He carried the pain ripping through him. Sid felt like his heart was breaking into a thousand pieces. 

"Oh, my dear boy...." his father gasped. "Sid I know how much you wanted kids. I can't imagine how heavy this burden must be on your heart. But listen to me son you made that decision with the best intentions, you wanted to save the woman you love. It is not just her loss it is your loss too and it must have been incredibly difficult for both of you." His father paused. Sid heard the pain in his voice. Siddharth knew his parents were wanting to be grandparents for a long time. This one decision of his was a murder of not just his dreams but also his parent's dreams too. 

Sid's voice broke as the constraint on his tears could hold them back no more "It was... it was the hardest decision I've ever had to make. And... and the doctors told me that one of the reasons for the complications could be because of the contraceptive she was using. I feel deceived, Dad. Raiza's disrespect and deception have cut me deep I am torn between wanting to take care of her in her fragile condition and wanting to punish her for being the cause of my daughter's death" 

"Son sometimes, we do things without considering the consequences of our decisions. It's natural to feel overwhelmed and burdened by all of this, but remember, you're not alone, Sid. We are here for you. We are with you my boy" his father's voice rang in his ears and he felt compassion in his heart. 

Sid tearfully confessed "I don't know how to process any of this, Dad. I'm trying to be strong for Raiza, but it feels like everything is falling apart."

"It's alright to feel overwhelmed, son. Reach out for help, for both of you. Seek counselling, and lean on us. No matter where we are we will come to you. Tell me now and I will bring your mother with me tomorrow." His father assured him.

"Thank you, Dad. I needed to talk to you about all of this. I feel like I can't carry this weight alone. I do want you both around Dad but don't cut short your trip. Finish it and when you return to India come to Bangalore and stay with us" Sid pleaded. 

"We will son, our trip will end in Srilanka in 4 weeks and we will change our return flight to Bangalore. I will keep you posted and you.... " his father paused and took a deep breath. "You call me and check in with me at least once every two days. Just till we are back and you and Raiza are back on the path of recovery. Ok," his father demanded Sid's consent. 

Sid promised "I will, Dad. Thanks for being there for me."

"Always, son. Remember, we're just a phone call away." his father assured him. 

The call ends, and Sid collapses onto a chair, his emotions overwhelming him. sharing his burdens with his father had provided a glimmer of hope amidst the darkness that surrounded him. Sid vowed to focus on Raiza and seek the support she need to navigate through the grief and pain together.