Raiza's Burden

Chapter 41 Convincing

Over the next few weeks, Gyan embarked on a patient and heartfelt mission to help Raiza see relationships from a different perspective. He believed in the value of commitment, the strength of shared goals, and the beauty of building a marriage together. Gyan's conversations with Raiza were about convincing her and sharing his vision, hopes, and knowledge of a meaningful partnership.

During one sunny afternoon, while they ate late lunch together, Gyan took Raiza to an old restaurant run by a family friend. It was managed by a couple who were pretty old and were married for 40 years. They sat across from each other in a cosy corner and ordered a South Indian meal. After eating, he took Raiza to the Kitchen and introduced Raiza to the old couple.

Radha and Suraj Sanghavi smiled at them and took them to their little garden. They later invited them to their house behind the restaurant and gave her a tour of their beloved house. Raiza loved the place and was impressed with the couple. When they finally left the couple to return to Raiza's home, Gyan gently broached the topic of marriage on their drive back.

'Nice couple, aren't they?" he exclaimed.

"Yes," agreed Raiza.

Gyan smiled. "Raiza, I've been thinking about us and our relationship."

"What about it, Gyan? She asked.

"Every relationship should have a goal, a shared vision. It's not about rushing into anything but understanding where we see ourselves in the future." Gyan spoke passionately, explaining how a shared goal could strengthen their bond and bring them closer.

Raiza listened quietly without commenting for as long as she could and then changed the direction of their conversation to talk about the launch party looming over them. She began lecturing him on how he had not been involved in the planning. Afterwards, Gyan continued driving, listening to her give him updates on the party and staying quiet.

But Gyan had made it his mission to get Raiza to see their future together. Even though she had become open to dating him, Gyan wanted to make sure she would change her mind about commitment. A few days after the launch party of his new clothing line, Gyan began introducing a routine that he and Raiza did together at least twice weekly. He would take Raiza on a leisurely stroll in a park near her apartment. They would walk around the garden watching and making observations about the couples and kids that visited. Gyan and Raiza would notice some flowers blooming or a tree they didn't see on the previous visit and continue to comment. They would walk for an hour holding hands and in peace. Afterwards, they would share some coffee and snacks at her apartment. Armin would join them sometimes, and the three would have a jolly time.

On one such walk, Gyan pointed to a bunch of kids playing and the couples laughing. "Raiza, imagine us years from now. A life filled with memories we've created together, overcoming challenges, and celebrating joys. It's about growing together and supporting each other."

Gyan commented thoughtfully.

"But Gyan, I've seen marriages crumble too. I'm afraid of making such a commitment." Raiza stated hesitantly.

"I understand your fears, Raiza. But that's why we have to be different. We won't just rush into marriage. We'll take our time, build a strong foundation, and face obstacles as a team. Imagine us as old couples bickering our kids and grandkids, watching us with love and understanding," he stated, longing flashed in his eyes.

Raiza froze in her place. "Oh my god, I never told him," she remembered.

Realizing Raiza was not beside him, Gyan stopped and turned to see her frozen fear flashing in her eyes. He reached her worried. "What is it, sweetheart?" Gyan asked. He looked around, wondering what spooked her.

Raiza raised her hand and placed it on his cheeks, turning his attention to her. "Gyan, I can't have children," she stated.

Gyan looked at her, confused. "Can't?" he stated the word with bitterness. It was a question.

"My ex-husband made sure of that. I will never have kids again," she exclaimed and bowed her head.

Gyan took in a sharp breath as realization dawned on him.

That evening, Raiza explained to him how Sid had signed on her behalf for a hysterectomy when she was unconscious in the hospital and how he hid it from her for months. She remembered waking up in the hospital after her almost mental collapse and being forced to begin counselling. Her psychiatrist had prescribed her meds that made her sleepy all the time. She met with counsellors who helped her dig into her entire marriage fiasco and helped her realize that the best way forward for her was to get better and get out of the marriage. She soon started to avoid Sid altogether. She moved into the spare bedroom and didn't want to see his face. She had been angry at herself for him trying to continue pretending to be her husband after she lost her baby, that too because of him.

One night, when she had slept on the couch, he picked her up and tried to take her to his room. The moment she woke in his arms in his bedroom, she struggled in his hold and asked him to put her down. When he put her down, she tried to walk away. He pulled her back and held her in his arms, but she didn't want any. She tried to push him, and he let go.

"What is it, darling?" he asked, shocked and confused.

"What do you want?" she asked him.

"Nothing darling, I was just bringing you to bed. You fell asleep on the couch." He replied innocently.

His innocent act made her angry. "You thought I would sleep with you after everything you have done to me?" she threw that at him.

"Raiza," Sid exclaimed softly. "What are you on about now?" he asked.

"Your betrayal, did you think I forgot? Did you think my mental weakness will forever give you the power to exploit me?" she yelled.

"Don't yell," he stated under his breath. Then, holding his head in both hands, he took a deep breath. "I have a headache, darling. Let us discuss this in the morning. Come to bed now, you can sleep in your corner, and I will sleep in mine. OK," he told her in a gentle voice.

Raiza snorted. "Oh, so you can use this opportunity to rape me", she accused.

Sid looked at her in rage. "I have never, ever forced you..."

"How would you know if you don't even know what I want and what I don't?" she cut him off.

Siddharth took another deep breath, raigning his anger, "Raiza, we are both unwell and not in a state to have a polite conversation. It is better not to say things when we are emotional. It could do more harm than help ... let's..."

"Help, huh?" she snorted. "What help? Are you planning on impregnating me again and controlling me? I was a fool. You convinced me we could work when my daughter was not born. I will not let you have that power over me again. I will not let you put another baby in me." she yelled.

"Is that why you took contraceptives all those years without me knowing?" he stated in a low hissing voice while he stalked towards her.

"I,... I..." She was shocked at how he knew and wondered if he sabotaged her contraceptives to get her pregnant.

"Don't bother to lie anymore. Oh, you don't have to worry about carrying my child anymore. You will never be able to have any child anymore." he declared in rage.

"What? Raiza stated in shock. "Yes, the doctors had to do what they had to save you, which meant you will never have a child again," he glared. "And you will certainly not have any of mine," he declared.

She slapped him

"Get out," he growled without moving any muscle.

Raiza ran out of the room in fear and disgust.

Raiza stared at Gyan for a reaction. She wasn't sure how she managed to spill all those emotions to him. She kept them bottled up for years, but Gyan made her comfortable and poured her heart into him. He walked up to her and held her in his arms. They both stood for a long time without talking.