Raiza's Burden

Chapter 2 A glimpse into the past

"Oh my God, oh my god", she took deep breaths.  She was panicking, and her mind was in a mess. "This can't be happening,  not now,  not ever", she continued as she supported herself on the wall that was covered with a huge mirror.  Her pale reflection stared back, and she could feel the strain while she took each breath.

In her mind, another image of her standing at a huge mirror materialised. She was applying lipstick, red velvet, it read. A strange choice since she never liked that colour, but it wasn't her choice. For a long time, her life has been about fitting into her husband's choices.

She sighed and looked one last time at her image, then walked out of the bathroom. Her husband sat with his friends at the bar. He was laughing and charming the group that surrounded him. She moved to sit by him and felt his hand on her shoulder. The weight of it she felt in her heart; she knew any moment things could go downhill. 

He offered her a drink, and she took it with a smile, but only one thought, "let him forget I exist", ran through her head. The drink tasted bitter and wrong, but she didn't complain about it. She didn't dare to change it either, so she forced herself to sip it little by little until it was all gone.  She sat alone, watching people dance, laugh, and have fun. She stared motionless and just waited for the night to end.  At some point, she realised her husband was missing, and she started looking for him, but her body was not ready to move.  Her mind was dull; she just wanted to lay her head down on the table and close her eyes.

She reminded herself where she was and forced herself to stay awake.  She grabbed the water bottle on the table and drank it. She felt a cloud covering her mind and shook her head to clear it.

"I was supposed to look for something", she thought, but she couldn't remember what it was. She tried to force herself to remember.

"Husband", she thought ", where is he? Oh, I was supposed to look for him", she remembered and raised her head only to be staring at a stranger with light-brown eyes who knelt beside her.

"Are you alright?" The question floated somewhere above her head. She laughed—couldn't stop—until the sound felt like someone else's. "Dance," he suggested. "It'll help."

She shook her head, yet her feet moved. Music swallowed thought. For one dizzy song, she was weightless, spinning with a man whose name she never caught.

"Do you know where my husband is?" she asked, lost in his eyes

He smiled, "Siddhartha has just gone out to buy something", he explained ", he will be back in a few minutes"

"hum", she hummed

She didn't know how long, but she danced and he danced with her.  It wasn't a close dance, nor did they touch each other, but they moved to the rhythm.  For the first time in a long time, she felt free. The nagging fear at the back of her mind told her to stop, but she couldn't remember why she was scared, and she let herself feel freedom. She dances to her heart's content.

She could feel herself moving in and out of her senses, laughing,  dancing, and living. 

Then Siddharth's hand clamped her arm.

"Thank you for taking care of her," he said to the stranger, voice smooth. 

She recognised her husband, who stared into her eyes with a smirk. His palm slid down her back in front of everyone, claiming, shaming. She was frozen with fear and didn't bother to see whom he thanked. She just wanted to run away and hide, but his hold on her was like an iron clasp. 

"Did you enjoy dancing?" he whispered into her ear. She didn't respond. "he likes you, I can see it in his eyes." He spoke in a soft, smooth voice. She only shook her head.

"I'm going to tell him you liked him too," he declared. She stayed quiet "Do you want to go home with him tonight?" he asked her

"Please", she begged, "I don't have any such thoughts", she explained helplessly.

He snickered, "Oh, come on, I know you. You are on heat, and when a bitch is on heat, she needs to be mounted", he declared

Tears filled her eyes, even though she was used to his words, it still hurt.  She wrenched free, stumbled through a side door, and found the balcony. Tears blurred the city lights until two voices sliced through in the darkness. She was well hidden from view, and no one could know she was there. Two people stepped out to smoke, and a mention of her husband's name caught her attention. It was a male voice she didn't recognise.

"Poor Siddhartha to be stuck in a marriage that makes him miserable, such a pity", he had declared.

"Are you sure you heard it right?" the female voice questioned

She recognised the voice, it was her husband's co-worker Vidya, whom she had met on other occasions. They seemed close, and Vidya had been nice to her.

"Oh sure as hell...  Poor guy broke down. It seems his wife wants to sleep with a new guy every night. Didn't you observe her tonight, how she was all high and falling over Ailan?" he declared.

Raiza was shocked. She remembered dancing and was sure she didn't fall on anyone.

"Was she drunk? " Vidya asked

"She is addicted to drugs, it seems. She went to the bathroom, snorted and came out.  She saw her husband not around, so she started flirting with his friend," he narrated a story she was unaware of.

"OMG, can't believe she is like that" Vidya seemed to change her opinion about her slowly.

"What more, she fought with Siddhartha because he stopped her from asking Ailan to sleep with her", he added in a hushed tone

"What are you saying? " Vidya asked in shock.

"He came to Ailan in front of us all and begged him to sleep with his wife tonight.  We were shocked he broke down and explained that she had threatened to file a complaint against him if he didn't provide her with Ailan tonight," he explained.

"OMG, what a bitch, poor Siddharth. What is he going to do? " she enquired.

"We have assured him that we will all give witness to her infidelity and help him; we have advised him to talk to a lawyer soon", he explained.

Each lie landed like a slap. Raiza pressed a fist to her mouth to silence the sob. "Soon", she promised the dark. "Soon, I will be free."