64. REMORSE

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Ever since I was a child . I experienced many unexpected things about life that  blew my mind . First at the age of 5 or 6 I learnt that my mother also had to go to the bathroom like me .

It totally blew my mind . Because I thought everyone needed someone else to accompany them in the washroom and my mother never needed anyone to accompany her anywhere  but my assumption was proven wrong  when my mother said that she had to pee one day .

  Secondly , I always believed that only my region was on the land and  every other country as well as state was on the clouds  because everyone got on the plane to visit any other region . Then my assumption was again prove  when I got on the plane to visit Farish with my father but the nation was not on the clouds .


    As I grew up only few things began to baffle me   . Because I experienced many things as I go on with my life . But I must say that when I found that another girl has committed suicide  I feel like lightening has struck me and roasted me like chicken on the barbecue . I can 't believe this --- .

Another girl in our school has committed suicide . I mean , I just don't understand . Why are they doing this ? I mean yeah life is hard but  we shouldn't give up . I mean we have to survive no matter what . That is how life is. That is what life is all about . Anyway ,  I am no one to preach .

Its nine '0' clock and I have just entered the school . People are whispering among themselves . They are sad once again . Their faces don't look bright like usual . They look very gloomy . And I am also depressed . Its a deja vu  . And look who is here ? Sam . Thankfully , he is not looking at me right now . No he is turning his head towards me . Don't look at me Sam . No , no . I am out of here .

" Hey , good morning . ", Sam appearing in front of me .

I notice that he has grown  taller than before  and  his facial here has become more prominent . Talk about hitting puberty like a truck .

" Yeah , good morning . ", I said with a sigh .

" Why are you so depressed ? ", Sam .

Here we go again .

" Yeah , I am but its none of your business . " I said and got away from there .

" Hey , why are you avoiding me ? ", Sam who followed me .

" I am not . I just don't want to talk right now especially with you . ", I say .

" Why ? What did you do ? Murder my cat or steal my pizza ? ", Sam .

Wait , what ? I scowl at him .

" Ok , I know everyone is depressed about the fact that some girl has committed suicide but I don't know why  you are sad Myra .I mean you don't care Myra . You don't care about people's feelings . You don't care even if they judge you . Either you are very  capricious person with  bipolar disorder . Or you are changing ? ", Sam rambled .

Wow , this is first time I have heard him talk so much like that .

" Sam I am very confused right now . So don't make me more depressed than I already I am . ", I say as I try to walk away .

"  Myra , do you know what I think about this ? I think that it was her own choice to give up on her own life . She -- ", before Sam could say anything more than that to irritate me  I hit him . Yeah , I shouted at  him in a voice higher than originally intended . And now everyone is looking at us.

" Sam you are the worst kind of person that I have ever seen in my life !  How can you even say that ...? You don't even know her ! ", I shout and then look around to find people staring at us .

But instead of doing anything he just stares at me with an incomprehensible expression and I start to cry . I don't know why ?  Maybe , its because of the fact that I hate myself for hurting others all the time like they hate me . But I am crying while Sam just stares at me  . I don't know for how long I do . But...What the hell ?! Sam is looking at me and I am crying . I am so embarrassed . I want dig a hole and jump into it  . Let us make run for it . One  , two and ---. An announcement . I know what it will be about .

" ALL STUDENTS ARE REQUESTED  TO GATHER IN SCHOOL AUDITORIUM . I REPEAT ---"
Before I could hear anything else  I start sprinting away hoping that he would leave me alone but unfortunately he follows me . I walk fast and he walks faster .This continues for a while as I enter in our clubs office on the third floor . Sam also enters the room closing it behind him .

" So ...Are you fine  ? ", he says awkwardly .

I nod my head in agreement .

I sit down on the chair while he just turns around and then stands near the window to look outside . Suddenly , my phone  starts to buzz again and again because of messages from the school group . What?  The girl who tried to kill herself has been saved ! But I thought she was dead .

" She is alive . ", I say  in a low voice but Sam heard it .

" Who ? ", Sam .

" The girl who tried to kill herself . They say she drank rat poison but fortunately she survived . ", I say with a relived voice .

" Oh , wait she isn't dead ?! ", Sam .

" That means I got slapped for nothing . ", Sam  still looking out of the window .

" You know its the first time someone has scolded me like that  . ", Sam .

I feel so embarrassed . Why did I shout at  him ? And then cried . Man , that was a very irrational thing to do  . What is wrong with me ? Then Sam turns to see me with a frown but his lips are forcing him to smile .

" You know what I am more baffled about ? Its the fact that you shouted at me and then  cried . " , Sam .

Yeah just kill me right now .

" You guys are here ! Myra why aren't you picking up your phone ?", Serena suddenly opening the door .

" Yeah we are here . ", I say .
Thank God , someone is here . I check my phone and find that there are seven missed calls from Serena . Oh , damn I have  accidently turned down its volume . I really do stupid things when I am flustered .

" Myra since Cera is alive we have decided to pay her a visit . It will be our  responsibility as a club to help her recover . ", Serena .

" Who is Cera ? ", I ask .

" The girl who tried to  commit suicide .  Here is information about her . You might need it tomorrow .  ", Serena.

" Why ? ", I ask .

" Because you are going to talk to her . ", Serena .

" Why me ? ", I ask.

" Because you are the most caring person among us . ", Sam with a serious face but I know he is mocking me .

" I wouldn't say that . Its just that you know how to talk during complicated situations. ", Serena .

"  Yeah she also knows when to cry and shout at  people . ", Sam .

He really knows how to hold a grudge , doesn't he ?

" What are you talking about ?  ", Serena .

Oh , no .  I hope he doesn't tell Serena about what happened ?

" Let us just say a dog barked at me . " Sam .

" What? A dog barked at you in school... ", Serena .

Before Serena could say anything else Sam leaves after taking a glance  at me   .

Let us see. Her name is  Cerena Myers . She is from  9 th grade .She is quite young but she looks old for her age .Her father is a famous surgeon and her mother is dead . Sad ...Perhaps she misses her mother  Wait , she was friends with Nora , the girl who committed suicide and died .

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