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𝑫𝑨𝑳𝑳𝑨𝑺, 𝑻𝑿 𝑩𝒆𝒂𝒄𝒉 𝑫𝒂𝒚 𝑷𝒓𝒆𝒔𝒆𝒏𝒕 𝒅𝒂𝒚, 4 𝑴𝒐𝒏𝒕𝒉𝒔 𝒍𝒂𝒕𝒆𝒓
It's been 4 months since Milan put her hands on me. I haven't talked to her ever since I haven't seen her either, I moved into a townhouse so she didn't know where I stayed. She still keeps Kaomi and at first I didn't want kaomi to be no where around her but I had to realize just because I don't like Milan right now doesn't mean I have to take Kaomi mother way from her and she just got attached to her.
Kaomi is 9 months and she's getting so big she's standing up but flops right back down when she's a out to take a step.
Many days I think about if Milan and I never met and how this would've never happened but also I would have my baby which kaomi is the biggest blessing I could ask for but as her mother I can't help but feel so awful for putting her through so much and not providing both of her parents together and healthy.
Kaomi obviously don't know what is going on but I know as she grow older I know the questions will start about why me and Milan isn't together and why we don't really talk to each other.
I frighten that one day she will have to go through the same thing i had too as a child. I pray she doesn't because all I can do is do my best and so my part and if Milan doesn't do her part then I will always be there to fulfill that space for Kaomi but I know it won't be the same.
As a child I use to grow up asking myself if my father loved me why wasn't he here like how the other little kids fathers was? Then I went out finding someone to find that love to fill that space in my heart in the wrong places.
When I found out I was pregnant with my baby I was so scared and I had so much fear in my heart but once all the shit I went through while pregnant I can say I grew tougher skin but when I finally had her she taught me that fear isn't an option. Fear can destroy you and leave you so broken you can't even do anything but breathe in thick air until theirs no air anymore.
I couldn't breathe in thick and let myself down and not only myself but my child. I thought the world was crashing but I knew she was my world and I had to hold it together.
Life won't treat you right and life is so tough but so am I and I have tougher skin to hold me and my daughter no matter how old she gets.
Fuck Milan.
I felt a small chubby hand slap on my thigh as kaomi crawled over to my lap to put her head down on my thigh, I run my finger through her curls.
