Yes, we all exist: fluff and giggles

You belong with us

It's always been hard to explain considering I do with them that much was true. But they didn't always know that. And when it was just Sam and I in the beginning and he had Sully and he had me and I would come and go like I had just disappeared.

I started off more or less like an imaginary friend. After all Sam was the only one that I let see me. Not dad nor Dean. Dad would've known who I was and Dean would've shot first and asked questions later.

After all we had met once before one other time and he thought I was something evil. Though partially he wasn't exactly wrong. They would have their own rooms or at least their own beds. I remember coming in one night they were sharing a bed.

They their dad was gone and they were freezing shivering next to each other. Dad hadn't come back yet. But they were so tired they would've never had known. Well never Dean but Sam he would've known.

It was always the comfort. After all it's not like our father was ever dad of the year or whatever. He didn't exactly tuck his kids in at night. I would pull the covers up to their chins and they would be holding each other for warmth.

I would kiss their foreheads and begin a warming spell until they were the perfect temp. I'd whisper sweet dreams into Sam's ear. And then I'd hear him mumble under his breath things like Jade and I love you.

But then Dean would say something like I love you too Sammy now go to sleep. Good night dad. He'd called. I'd change my voice for Dean to make him think that dad had been there. Good night Dean good night Sammy. Dean would feel comfort Sam would feel confused.

When Jade would join hunts and start taking the pull out if there was one or the second bed when Sam insisted. I would hear them tiredly argue about the other hogging the covers and I'd quietly chuckle flick my hand and make the covers longer.

Then I would take the covers and pull them up to their chins. Sweet dreams boys. I'd say before starting the warming spell with a kiss on their foreheads. Good night Jade I love you. I'd hear Sam say. Good night Dean good night Sammy I love you guys too.

And Dean would put the pieces together as he'd watch me crawl into the next bed or the couch. Jade? He'd question. Hm.... It was you. Yes Dean I'd admit. Good night Dean sweet dreams. This would go on for a while but I always felt bad.

I felt bad for lying to them. They had no idea who or what I really was. I felt like I didn't really belong. And that sometimes I felt like I was no better than the monsters they hunted when I was part of everything.

I once heard him think how nice he thought it was that they thought they knew they were safe with me. But the truth is that's still a lie. And tonight I stay up I meditate and I listen the other prayers. I turn on my communication. Well partly.

They can't hear or find me but I can hear them and I could find them if I wanted to. Spiritually I am elsewhere but physically my body is there floating in midair. That was "fun" to explain. I got caught once but they thought it was so cool.

The thoughts about myself never changed. To be honest I knew they weren't fully asleep. I'd had my computer out. Sam and Dean were supposed to be asleep. And they had earned it of course. And after all they're both only human and they need their sleep.

And I didn't need to be in the same spiritual or physical head space to do research. Sam hated when I did that he was the research person. He thought I should be asleep too but he doesn't know I don't need it.

It's so cute watching them subconsciously cuddle each other in their sleep but if I said anything I knew Sam would never let me hear the end of it. Heaven forbid. Sam gets up when he senses I'm still awake though I'm not sure how except maybe it could be a twin thing.