Yes, we all exist: fluff and giggles

I wish I felt one emotion but I don't I feel two

Mom was back now and Dean was alive. Sam and I should be happy that we're altogether. Shouldn't we? But happiness doesn't last for long in our family. And when Sam worries I worry "When you worry I worry." Worry worry worry too much worry." (If you know what that's from we can be friends) Since we have gotten to this point then by now not only have they met Cas but they know that I'm an Angel and we have had many adventures since then. There were so many emotions for us to feel. Happy but worried. Always worrying about each other whether everything was fine or not but now we had mom to worry about.

We've never had mom around. I had been dead and then 6 months later mom was dead. Dad got many years with her and Dean got at least 4 years with mom. But Sam and I? How could we not worry. I knew she could take care of herself she was a hunter once when she was about our age when this all started or younger. (According to the one season of Winchesters) But it had been a long few days for us. Sam was in pain he'd just been freed from the British Men of Letters. So I guess we're in that season. While I felt some pain as well it wasn't as much as Sam but I knew when he was hurting. I knew how badly he wanted to cry but he didn't so I did. I cried for all of us. With pain with sadness with anger with joy.

There are just too many emotions to feel. He's my twin and I consider myself an empath. (IDK how old you guys are but there's that episode of Shake It Up where Cece and Rocky are together in the hallway at school and Duce is saying something how they're like one person they're sharing oreo cookies or whatever he's saying he was surprised one person didn't chew while the other swallowed. They say IDK what you're talking about as Rocky feeds Cece a cookie like they're a couple.) In any case.... It doesn't help that we haven't been able to get much sleep. Not that we usually do when we're on a hunt. We're usually lucky to get 3 or 4 hours of sleep then again demons and angels don't need sleep. Though my brothers and now my mother insist. We were safely in the bunker but that didn't mean it hurt Sam or I any less. I could tell when he was in pain tell when he was awake tossing and turning.

It hurt to see him like this and that I couldn't do anything to help him. He didn't want me to. Didn't want to burden me. When all it would take is a tap to the foot and poof would be gone. I have attempted to tell him you know when you hurt I hurt. One of those you see this mark we feel the way each other feel let me help you kind of lectures. But he takes my hand and kisses it telling me he's fine. Tells me not to worry. But I would help him even if it kills me. He's tired I'm tired especially of the way he's been acting. It's not fair on either of us. When he did try to sleep it wasn't for long. He'd drift off but remember the burning of his foot and snap out of it. A ringing in his ears his heart pounding his blood warm and flowing. Every once in a while the only thing I can keep down is blood and this is one of those times. It didn't happen often just the first and last of every month. We learned that the hard way when I was a kid. Thankfully it doesn't hurt.

Right now I lay in my bed looking up at the ceiling I know Sam is not asleep. It's about IDK 4:00am. During the late nights is when it's best to hunt but I can't if my brothers aren't safe. And while there is no monster after us Sam is still in pain and I grow tired of it. I don't care what he says I'm going to help him. I can see where he is. In the kitchen making coffee he makes a big pot for himself. Gets out the hot chocolate. Milk chocolate no marshmallows he says to nothing. His back turned to me. He can't possibly know I'm awake know that I'm watching him and I'm light enough on my feet that I don't make a sound. Then again feel what each other feel read each other's minds blah blah blah. It's kind of like being a parabatai in Shadowhunters. He turned around and saw me. I'm awake enough to know you're really there. I know you want to help me and since I won't let you then just stay by my side. Follow me into the library. We can watch some T.V. you need sleep Sammy. I don't want to sleep. Actually that's a lie I want nothing more than to sleep but every time I close my eyes I remember the burnt flesh on my foot.