Yes, we all exist: fluff and giggles

They come and go

They say Heaven is supposed to be a paradise. But what happens when you don't belong? Nor in Hell but you like it better because nobody gives a damn. And then Purgatory comes and everyone else thinks you don't belong there you can't hurt anyone but the monsters there. But they leave you alone because they're afraid of you and your power. You and your brother become friends with a vampire that's not half bad. And according to your brother you're carrying all the world's problems on your shoulders. Eventually after fighting enough monsters together you three become friends. Until eventually you all find away to get out. You had felt a purpose down there battling monsters and he let's the vampire hitch a ride out so you can all go back to your lives. But when you close your eyes it's all you can see when you're free and have somehow been saved.

You've spent your whole childhood well ok the first 22 years of your life with your twin brother even from a far or going by a different name because he didn't know you were his sister and your older brother didn't know you otherwise existed. But now that we're back Dean is having a hard time falling asleep. Every time he closes his eyes he's back there again. We all know Dean doesn't do well on 3 hours or less on sleep. But we hadn't been the only ones down there Cas had been there too. When we weren't all together fighting monsters we were looking for a way out. But while it would've been nice to stay together because it was safer that way sometimes I had to be alone. And we really had to find a way back home.

Except the thing is while we're fighting these monsters we feel right at home anyways. While I can't kill myself and I am a monster at least I can kill that are like me. It was hard being around Sam again one we got back because only Dean understood and I know what I wanted more than anything in the world was two things. To talk to Sam about it and confide in him when I knew I couldn't and that I wanted to cry that Cas hadn't been able to come back with us. But I also knew I had to be strong. After all prier to this we had spent at least 480 years apart from each other and I'd hoped this would be a lot less time than that. We were in the latest motel of the week or whatever and I had taken the extra bed like Sam asked me to he wanted to keep us close.

I thought that things would go back to the way they were before those 480 years when Cas wasn't in our lives for the first time but back then at least I knew he was safe but now I wasn't so sure. He was probably still there but he wasn't safe and if he wasn't there where was he? Hopefully not dead. Sam was fast asleep on Dean's left. I knew Dean wasn't asleep could smell what he was drinking heard him swallow the fan whirling. Sam breathed in rhythm with said fan but none of this was making us feel better. We (outfit 4) kept moving south closer to where Dean knew Benny liked to established his phone pinged to alert Benny and let him know we were here. Dean and I were gonna go and get something to eat. But Sam stopped me told me that we both didn't need to leave so I complied to stay and sit with him. This was hard. Talking with Sam now that we were back. But I'm not sure why it was. We had been best friend all our lives and we were twins it was especially hard because we were twins and we tell each other everything.

Sam wasn't even sure how he felt about Benny mostly for the fact that he was a vampire but Dean wasn't gonna turn down food he slipped out of the motel and went to where Benny was as it was getting close to the time for the diner to close. While Sam and I sat on the bed and watched T.V. in calm comfortable silence but ever since Dean and I got back and without Cas it was like Sam and I were perfect strangers like how Dean and I were when we first started. It was like he could start calling me Jade again any sec now like time was literally going in reverse. Dean and I had gotten really close lately. Not that that was a bad thing but Sam was missing me and I him and we were sitting right next to each other in the same room. Dean was glad it was getting late he hadn't wanted to be part of the crowd just wanted a familiar face. Someone we could talk to about this since he was there with us. And thank G-D Sam wasn't there he didn't deserve to be down there he was good and pure like I was supposed to be yet Dean and I we felt at home down there.